And thank goodness

There'll be knitting or reading content tomorrow, now that this all seems to have resolved for the best. 

 Talked to my mom tonight, she was lucid* and fine and had some news for me.

She remarked she was "tired" from what all had been done today - one set of neighbors (S. and J., different to T. and B. who helped her Monday) drove her out to where her car had been towed. The conclusion was the damage was enough (front end messed up) to make it not worth fixing. And I guess my mom doesn't want to shop for another car, and she asked me if maybe it was time for her to stop driving.

(*she has declined a little, and sometimes searches for words, or is slow to complete a sentence, but I think that's more "she's 90 and alone a lot" rather than "there's something cognitive going on" because she talks about current events and she noted something I ordered for her that she needed came today, and like she can make plans to take care of stuff, like what she has to do to dispose of the car, so I am less worried)

But I think she really did decide "maybe it's good to stop driving" and wanted me to give my approval. In some ways I fill a bit of the role my dad once did; she used to run decisions (even when she'd already made up her mind) by him just to hear him say "yes, that sounds like a good idea" and in this case, yes, I think stopping driving is a good idea. 

 Yeah, I think it is. I didn't pressure but I did note that if she felt *uncomfortable* driving slightly unfamiliar places, maybe it was time. And I think she was just looking for me to say "yeah, you know, that's probably a good idea"

I think it's safer for her.

She said she found the title and had to call the insurer tomorrow to see if there was any residual value she might get back (I don't think it was officially "totaled" but I think she had this idea of "no more driving" in the back of her head and decided it was just easier to say "yeah, send it to the scrapyard"). I also reminded her that she could apply for a State ID to replace the license so if she needed an ID, she would have one. 

So now, a neighbor will drive her - there are a couple sets who can, and I'm sure friends at church could too. 

The other thing now: when she goes out (well, other than to her yard or for walks in the neighborhood), she won't be alone, so I won't have the worry of "what if she has car trouble or gets in an accident"

Groceries will not be a problem; B. goes to the same store as she prefers and has a standing offer to her to drive her when she's going (they are going tomorrow). It's probably good for my mom, too, to have someone else to talk to a little bit, that might help slow any cognitive decline (I was worrying she was alone too much). I could also maybe put a bug in the ear of someone at her church and she might get an offer of rides to go. 

There's also a service called Faith in Action, and apparently they will even drive people who do not drive to the store for groceries. They're a volunteer service but I know they accept donations, and I think my mom will feel less "beholden" for doing that - I know she gave in the past on the behalf of a friend that used them heavily. 

I also promised her when I was up (probably at Christmas, when we have more time) that I could teach her to use the city bus service, which I think is pretty good.  I'm also wondering if maybe if I took my insurance information when I go up at Christmas, if I could rent a car for a couple days and drive her around places she might want to go but that she doesn't feel comfortable leaning on the neighbors to take her.

 

But yeah, I'm hugely relieved. She didn't sound that good Monday night and I was TREMENDOUSLY worried but now I think maybe she was tired and freaked out and maybe dehydrated (driving around a couple hours with no water) and maybe also hungry. So it looks considerably less likely I will have to take a short-notice trip up there to help her - or do something even harder.