two small things

 One sort of serious, one silly.

Serious first. Today, some the commentary I see online surrounds one of the tech-lords who is apparently claiming we peons should not be able to.....own RAM....in our home computers, that that would be "better used" to generate AI generated stuff that then others pay for (and even if we want to use RAM for, like, writing our own novels and then saving them, we would have to pay, and perhaps sign over our work as a "training dataset") so that the tech billionaires can get even richer and......I don't understand it

Do these guys not believe in the Important Thing?

Because in my world, the Important Thing is how you treat others. It's helping out and being kind when you can. It's trying to make the world a little bit better for your being here, not extracting money as fast as you can and as much as you can. (And, yes, yes, tech innovation has improved the world, but it seems a lot of the guys now who get the press are the ones looking simply to find the quickest path for money from our wallets to theirs)

I'm thinking about a couple exchanges from today. I've referred to a "personnel issue" in my department, where one faculty member wound up leaving abruptly before mid semester (this is a very unusual thing to happen, and I know there's a backstory that's probably sad, and I've only heard the barest hints of it, and I don't want to know more if I can avoid knowing more). We scrambled around for a few weeks with people filling in where they could (the one class that overlapped enough with my area of expertise met at a time when I was already involved with a class that only I can teach). Well, another of my colleagues got in touch with someone who graduated a few years back, now has a Master's, and is equipped to teach a couple of the classes going uncovered, and he was willing to step in on short notice. I haven't heard anything from the students so I assume he's doing a decent job, and anyway, he's being asked back for next semester, so I assume he's doing fine. And we're certainly grateful to have him; he's an amiable guy and easy to work with. (I only knew him slightly when he was a student; he was more in the medical-sciences end of things)

He came to my office today to ask if I had a simple hole punch he could borrow - he was carrying a couple coffee filters. At first I said no, and then "Oh, wait! I know I have one in my teaching-lab supplies, let's go get it." On the way he described what he wanted to do with his class, and it was similar to a lab I had once done with the stats class as a way of generating some simple data for calculating descriptive stats on, and I knew a coffee filter wouldn't work. So I said "Oh, I did this before - I still have some of the thicker filter paper I used left if you want a few rounds," so I handed them over and he took the stuff, thanking me, and went off to lab.

At the end of the day he came back (I was still in my office, grading) and thanked me but he found the experiment didn't really work (We did some troubleshooting; very likely one of the reagents was actually too old and needed to be replaced). And he said, regretfully - "I need to figure out two or three more labs for this class and I'm out of ideas"

And I reached onto my shelf and pulled off the lab manual for a similar class I taught 30 years ago as a TA (I guess it pays not to throw things away?) and another book of "recipes" for lab protocols and handed them to him and told him to use them as long as he needed them (the old lab manual is something I'll never use again; the other book has my name prominently written on it so he won't forget it's mine even if he tried). He thanked me quite profusely and took them.

The sum total of the cost of my time for all that was less than 15 minutes. But it made me feel useful, and like I'd done something helpful and worthwhile. And hopefully it made his day better.

And this is why I want to shake some of those tech guys: this, THIS is what's really important. The help you give people along the way, the relationships you forge, the way we can all work together to make other people's loads a little lighter. I mean - when I first started out here, I had people who helped me, the idea is you pay it forward, keep the chain going, because that's really how the world (should) work. 

Will I ever see some direct benefit from it? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe some day I'll have a problem and he'll be there and he'll help me - partly because he's just a good guy, but also partly because I helped him in the past. It's all of those little things, where there's no actual money involved, where it's just helping to be kind, that keeps things running and going.  All the money in the world won't help you if you've alienated everyone around you or if they only hang out with you because they think you'll throw some money their way. 

 An aside - one of my favorite tropes I've seen in things (I remember it in particular from an episode of So Help Me Tod - a show I enjoyed and that just utterly disappeared after its second season or so) is the character who goes around and is kind, asks after people's children, compliments someone if they got a great new haircut, whatever, and that generates enough goodwill that the person, when they find themselves in difficulty, has people they never even thought of asking for help stepping up to help them.

And yeah, yeah, I know you shouldn't EXPECT that, that's the grown-up-world version of that old fairy tale where the girl was kind to a powerful faery, and in return, diamonds and pearls fell from her mouth when she spoke. But it is something that sometimes happens, and you should be decent to others without expecting anything in return.

****

And the silly thing. I have a bunch of these now, and there will be another one joining my Mothman Army as soon as it arrives. (I had gotten a 20% off coupon from the place that sells these)

So I lined up my other Mothmen (Mothsmen? Mothsman? Mothmans?) for a photo. Two couples and a single - Midnight and Hyacinth are companions, and the Night-forest Mothman and Lichen (the goblincore....mothwoman?) are a couple. 

 

The newest one - Dark Academia Mothman - is named Spencer, after Spencer Reid from the old Criminal Minds (which I sometimes watch in reruns on the weekend)

 

The newest one on the way is "Fairy Mothman" who I figure is probably Lichen's sister, and might either be a girlfriend for Spencer, or the girl who loves him from afar.

 

Yes, I know, it's silly and stupid but it's also something that I've done since I was a kid, too, all my stuffed animals had families or friend-groups. I suspect this is because I've always been fundamentally a lonesome person and I liked thinking my toys didn't have to be...

 

Did the thing

 I originally planned to early-vote tomorrow, but a committee meeting got called on sort notice, so I sort of sighed inwardly and thought "If I get done with lab and all the after-stuff in time, and I'm not too grubby or tired, maybe I go today."

The courthouse (where the voter bureau is, so where you go for early voting) is a couple blocks from my house and is actually a bit closer than the church I would vote at on voting day.

But first: field lab.Tree sampling. I was afraid we couldn't go because at first Motor Pool could not find the request paperwork I *filed like a month ago* but after I tried to call the secretary (wasn't in) and the motor pool person tried to call my department chair (he wasn't in), I pressured them to check again, and they found it had been filed with the NOVEMBER requests.

womp womp.

So I was almost late to pick up the students, and it's a 25 minute drive to the site, and I was hassled and tense 

But things got better. The students usually enjoy this lab, and this semester I think most of my folks are conservation students rather than pre-meds, so they're more comfortable with being outside.

Nothing super photogenic this time (it's been dry) but there was beautyberry (the color is off in this photo for some reason, the berries are much more magenta)

 And lichens. Lichens are always interesting and there are a lot of different species here. Twenty years ago I could take a stab at which one this was - I had a student who did a project with me back then - but I've forgotten most of the names I learned. Anyway, it's a foliose lichen, and I think it's one of the more common species (or might be two species on the same twig) around here

 I did get the students back about 10 minutes late, but none of them had a later class or work, and we were late getting out there because of the mess with the van. But I got the van returned, and got my own car back, and picked up the copied exams for Friday, and then ran down to the courthouse. There was a small line that formed between the time I drove past (and went "yeah! no line!") and found parking and walked from it. I did have to wait about 15 minutes but I've waited longer than that in the past.

And at any rate, I did the thing. I don't know if anyone I voted for will win (they usually do not, here) but at least I voted, and I thought about that (hopefully tiny) minority of extremely conservative-Christian men who believe the 19th Amendment should be repealed, and thought, as I walked out, "Chew on this, anti-women's suffrage types"

 Yeah, ever since I learned about those guys, I've become more "militant" about voting, in the sense of, going to every election and reading up beforehand so I can make an informed choice. (I find Ballotpedia contains some useful information. I don't think the League of Women Voters has a chapter here, at any rate I've never seen one of their guides here - when I was a kid, they used to be *included with the local newspaper* like a week before election day; a couple years we were encouraged to look at them and bring them in for Social Studies and we discussed things like civics and voting.

I've heard some people talk about "not liking" early voting, that it's some how "more special" on the actual day of. But when you're a busy person? it's really nice to be able to pick a free afternoon, and know there will be less of a line to stand in, and just have the relief of "I got my vote in"

Anyway, now I don't have to think about it. I am going to try NOT to watch the returns come in next week; it's kind of stressful and I will find out on the next day (the biggest race here I think is governor, at least that's the one I've seen the most news stories about the candidates) 

Still seeking comfort

 I think a lot of this might be late-fall allergies; ragweed levels have been high here and I know I've been coughing (Also, I think some of the cleaning products used in the department - our newish custodian is using more heavily scented ones or cleaning more diligently than the past one, and some days I can really smell the scents in them). Also I think I'm just TIRED. Four different classes is a lot, and I have a lot of people who have problems I have to help with. 

I did try to get a little data analysis done today; I twitch that I'm getting zero research done BUT when I'm getting done with my teaching stuff at like 4 pm some days, I don't have a lot of desire to stay a couple more hours and try to read journal articles or analyze data. I keep telling myself I'm close enough to retirement that if some upper admin harassed me about it too much, I could just hand in my paperwork (and maybe have them beg me to stay on, I don't know, given I teach four very different classes in the fall I don't know that there are a lot of people out there that could do the range of classes I do). 

And I do need time to myself, time to breathe, time to live. (And time to get groceries and do laundry and vacuum the floors and the other "doesn't spark joy but must be done" tasks). 

I think also it IS the state of the world. As much as I pretend to be a cynic who is tired of everything, I still have enough idealism left in me that, for example, an encouraging election return in one nation makes me think "oh thank goodness, the problems are beginning to be solved" (or the same, when some kind of official ruling is handed down stopping something that's bad) and yet.....and yet....no one ever seems to face consequences for doing wrong, or, sometimes they keep doing the thing they were told they legally can't do. And I get discouraged, because it really does feel any more like nothing is ever fixed, and then I feel like a fool for feeling hopeful when there's some ruling or whatever. 

I don't know how to learn to live without that kind of foolish hope. Maybe it's easier if you have a family of your own or "found family," but as I noted yesterday...I don't exactly have that, so I have to beat on against the current as a lone boat.  

But there are a couple things. 

- Playing piano is going better currently and it's one of the things that makes me forget - temporarily - about all that's bothering me. I'm working right now mostly on refreshing a simple Clementi sonata, which, yes, it's sort of a beginner piece, but once in a while it's nice to have something you can play through without errors AND with getting the dynamics right (sometimes I focus so hard on getting my fingers in the right places that I can't think much about "oh you have to crescendo here" or "this is supposed to be pianissimo, you're playing too loud"). I'm also working on an arrangement of "In My Life" (yes, The Beatles), which I LIKE as a song, but also I find it does make me slightly melancholy because of associations I have with it - they played it at Del's memorial service, and also played it at graduation the fall my dad died, and of course it has that line about "some are dead and some are living," and it is....I don't think it's in a minor key but it feels like it is.

(the original is in A major; the arrangement I have looks transposed to G but given it starts on a B and has accidentals here and there maybe it IS B minor? anyway, the key changes to what I think is C midway through, so I guess G is more likely)

I also tried to clean my office a little, mainly getting rid of papers I no longer needed and also sorting the non-handed-back papers (I wish, oh I wish, people didn't skip so often, especially when I'm handing stuff back, I just want it OUT of my hands but I can't throw them away for "grade appeal" reasons - if the students have it and appeal a grade, they have to produce the papers, otherwise, I have to hang on to them for a calendar year)

I've  been picking away at the various socks; none are photogenic yet. I do need to look at my other yarn; I want to do the Mrs Hudson's socks out of the Sherlock Knits book, but the original yarn I planned will be unsuitable (either it was a defective skein - lots of breaks - or insects got at it. Given what the breaks were like I almost wonder if it was a couple skeins just patched together when it was wound, and I don't LIKE joins in my socks if I'm using a single yarn. I know I have some other pastel-y pinks or peaches that would work for them.) And I've got a simple cable pattern and a nice blue-grey yarn I want to use for it (from Quixotic Fibers, dyed by their owner). 

I do think my "Friday night Poirot rewatch" is a solid thing. Maybe expand my Passport watching to other nights, and take up something like Marlowe Murder Club or the Miss Marples they have on there. (I never like Marple as well as Poirot, and of course Suchet's Poirot is my all time favorite).  

Halloween is this week. I really haven't any plans, probably won't even try to do a costume this year (it's Saturday, anyway). I did buy a big bag of little packs of Haribo candies at Aldi, so if I get kids, I can toss a few packs into their bags. And I realized I have a LOT of those strip-sheets of stickers from Mrs Grossman that are still totally intact (= I didn't use any stickers off them) and given that I only get a few kids every year, I could give a strip of stickers too, at least until I run out. Most kids like stickers and I have some very kid-themed ones (fairies, construction vehicles, baseball stuff, cartoony animals, funny monsters....) and maybe they'd enjoy those. 

I don't have anything I HAVE to do Saturday and I admit I wish I could think of a Fun Thing for me. Not any kind of shopping; I've spent too much money recently and also I find stores tend sometimes to do Annoying Things on halloween (like, there was one grocery that used to have a big model spider that would drop on your head when you walked in, and I don't love being pranked or startled). But I can't think of anything. It might be raining, so a trip out to hike might not be so great. There aren't any "pick your own" apple farms in the area. And there's not a nearby-enough museum that I want to go to. 

I don't know. I don't know if it's a deficit of Fun, or if it's being overtired (which, maybe, lying in bed part of the day and reading could fix). I wish I could figure it out. (Maybe a hard freeze - which we're not likely to get for another month - to kill off the ragweed would help).  

And some thoughts

 But first - a few photos, since reactivating flickr makes getting photos on here a bit easier.

This weekend I mostly worked on the Auxetic scarf; this is nearly two full repeats of the pattern:

 A close up of the stitch pattern; it's just alternating knit and purl blocks set off with 2-rows of garter stitch. It makes it sort of accordion-fold, which is how I presume it gets the auxetic quality

 Also, sort of a silly thing I mail-ordered came today. This is from Schleich (who I think of as "the Smurf people" because they are the company that made Smurfs when I was a kid (and I guess they still do). They're probably better known for realistic farm animals, and I do have a couple of the horses (and unicorns). 

This is more a fantasy animal like the unicorns:

 It's a Gluckschwein! In Germany, pigs are symbols of good luck. I'm not sure if it's because they can "dig stuff up that's good" (they were used to hunt truffles) or if just, having a pig or two to raise means your family eats in the winter, but they are a symbol of luck (And "gluck" can be both luck or happiness, which is an interesting thought). But there are little marzipan pigs sold at Christmas, and I think the peppermint pig thing comes from this. 

Here's a face-on photo of her ("her" because there are tiny molded-on teats)

She's fairly cute. I'm considering taking her over to my office to sit on my desk along with some of the other little things. 

Because if she brings luck, I feel like I could use some. 

I've said it's been a rough fall. Just a lot of little things are getting to me.

The biggest one today - I think I'm more unsettled by Walter Koenig's passing than I might be, except (a) Chekov was my favorite "classic" Star Trek character and (b) he was born the same year as my mother and it's just another reminder to me that on some low level, I'm bracing for That Phone Call. I mean, it could be ten more years - she's in good health and comes from a long-lived family. But eventually. And then I lose the person I'm closest to and who understands me the best. (My brother and I are, ah, less close than we might be)

And I'm also thinking of the old "to experience the joy of being loved you must submit to the terrifying ordeal of being known" and I realized today that part of the reason I probably don't have a partner, or particularly-closer friends, is that I am unwilling to let people in that far to who I am. 

Because I'm afraid that when they learn who I really am, they'll laugh at me. 

And no, I'm not the kind of person who can lightly laugh off this kind of thing, go "forget them if they can't take a joke" (in this version) and I know having had things I like ridiculed made me like them less, like, it's not OKAY for me to like them. And I know that's ridiculous and I should be allowed to like things even if other people think they're kind of dumb. But there you are

There's some talk on social media today about chain restaurants in general and Cheesecake Factory in particular (because of President Obama's joke about the newly gilded White House - which I frankly see as a waste of money and taking what had been a historic and dignified building and making it look like a tinpot dictator's palace). But generally a lot of snark on chain restaurants. Now, I've never been to a Cheesecake Factory, I don't even know where the nearest one is (probably Frisco, is my guess). But I do kind of like Red Lobster (which I know, is not "fancy," except, when I was a kid, in my frugal family, it kind of was) and I kind of like Olive Garden (though if I want Italian I'll go to the local mom-and-pop place these days). 

But the whole "ha ha these American Midwest rubes, thinking those restaurants are good" just reminds me of all the stuff I experienced as a kid, both having what I like mocked and also coming with a growing sense of horror that I didn't understand The Code - in my case, growing up, The Code was the code of how you fit in with an upper-middle-class WASP population, how you dressed preppy and ate at sort of down at the heel pub restaurants (but not dives, there was a distinction) and there were a million secret rules about how you dressed and spoke and acted and what you liked and while, yes, a lot of those WASP people were virulently racist and otherwise*, still, not fitting in was for me a source of constant pain. 

I wish someone had taught me The Code when I was a kid so I could "pass." My parents didn't; I don't know if it was they didn't know The Code (my mom came from a working class rural family and while my dad's family was more prosperous, his dad was Ethnic Irish and that was his identity) or if they didn't care about it and thought their kids shouldn't, either. 

But it was painful realizing how different I was.

(*I think I've mentioned before how in my town there was one country club - actually, the one near the neighborhood where I lived - was called "The Jewish Country Club" and as a kid I assumed it was maybe affiliated with a synagogue and it was specifically for Jewish members but as it turned out, it was called that because they didn't reject Jewish people from membership like the other country clubs. And yeah, as an adult that tells me - the fact that country clubs on some level still do stuff like that - that I don't want to be a member, just like I didn't want to be in a sorority as a college student. But it's still weird and uncomfortable to realize that you would be rejected from groups that you wouldn't even want to be in)

The other thing was being mocked for my enthusiasms. I don't read the same books that other people I know read (I generally do not read the "best sellers" and I often read older novels). I don't know most of the shows considered "prestige." And I think of how when I was a 10 year old, I was mocked for liking The Muppet Movie (by my peers). They said it was "for babies"  and turned it into a point of teasing me.

And it taught me, early: don't open up to people. Guard your inmost heart, and while you may never find a soulmate, at least your heart won't regularly be broken by mean people. And I just learned that lesson, and while it was lonesome, it worked, and it helped me avoid more mockery than what I already got....and so I grew into someone who had a hard time making more than the most surficial friends because I was afraid people wouldn't like the real me - or worse, if I opened up, that would be used as ammunition against me (It happened several times, often surrounding clothing, in my growing up years)

So, I don't know. I realize that if I don't want to continue to be extremely alone, I have to unlearn that. I'm not sure if it's possible for me to do. 

But I guess: keep an eye on how your kids treat their peers; you don't know who they might be forever changing. 
 

Possibly, a solution

Well, I still can't figure out how to get it to DIRECTLY transfer to Blogger (the "codes" it offers just give link code) but I realized late last night (trying to get to sleep) that I could reactivate my long dormant Flickr account, download the app, and directly drop photos from my phone in there. Which means it's once again worth paying for Pro, and it provides a place to store my photos, at least some of them.

 I'll be UNSTOPPABLE if I can figure out how to get photos directly into Blogger (without the intermediate step of downloading to my laptop) but as I remember that was a regular problem in the past.

But at least it means I can get them to one place pretty fast from my phone, and then from there I could get them to the blog.

So that's the big news for tonight; in a few minutes I will do my regular Friday night "Poirot and Knit" thing - today was LOTS of grading (I finished just minutes before it was time to call my mom for the week) and so I'm kind of tired. But at least I knit some on my niece's mitts (see above)  while proctoring exams.

Last week of course, I didn't do it, because I had just got home from Farmersville

 Well, I can directly download (and not save with a descriptive title) fast from flickr and upload them here as a download - that's how I got the photo of Delilah from last week in Farmersville. 

So maybe I can work around this photos issue.

***

Dinner tonight was mostly-Aldi food (except for the jarred red cabbage - Aunt Nellie's brand, I think from walmart in town). Back when they had Oktoberfest stuff I bought a frozen pack of cheese spaetzle and I fixed those tonight. They were fine - not the same as the ones I remember from The Old German (which no longer exists ) in Ann Arbor, and not like the ones from the Jumer's Castle Lodge (which also no longer exists) in Peoria, and I'm not sure I LOVE cheese on spaetzle - I'm  more used to pan-drippings or something like a thin brown gravy. But it was nice to have them again, along with red cabbage and a glass of cider (sweet cider, also from Aldi) and a little tub of chocolate mousse that is not at all unlike a kind I used to get at Kroger (but this came from Aldi). 

Driving back from a run to the pharmacy yesterday (the eye doctor suggested a now-OTC allergy eye drop might help me), I noticed the Albertson's has its sign up, so I guess despite everything it is actually happening. I hope they have some of the same good things the one in Denison does, and this is not a stripped-down or cheaped-up one for a lower income area. I'm not sure when they open; I hope it's soon. Between them and Aldi, I will be able to avoid Walmart almost all the time, and I can get good food even when I can't get to Denison. 

 

Thursday eye day

 ....I guess.

 Yesterday was busy and I was tired when I got home. I got a few rounds done on the stripy arrow lace socks but they're not at a photogenic stage AND I still cannot figure out if-and-how I can synch my iPhone camera roll back up to my windows laptop (It used to automatically download the photos, which was so nice, but the last update, I guess some time last week, broke that. I think it was the windows update, not the phone update)

Today I gave an exam and worked on the mitts for my niece. I had miscrossed a cable so I had to un-knit and work back to it, and then fix it. If there were just for me I might not (though again I probably would, that kind of imperfection bothers me) but for a gift? Yeah, I'm fixing it. I got it fixed and a bit past it. I'm taking a short break from grading right now but want to get the exams done by tomorrow.

 People in this class seem to be doing better, maybe my review session the day before the exam helped, maybe some of the folks who were doing poorly got tutoring (I know there's tutoring for athletes and I have several football players, a couple volleyball players, and a baseball player in my class) but at any rate, something finally seems to be clicking a little, which is good. 

Today I had my annual eye check up. While going to the eye doctor is about the least unpleasant medical thing I do (you don't get weighed, you don't have to strip down, there's nothing stuck into a bodily orifice), I always go in a tiny bit worried; my maternal grandmother and an aunt on that side were nearly blind by 80 or 85 from macular degeneration (and the aunt had glaucoma); my mom (90) is showing the very earliest signs of macular degeneration. And I know the treatment for macular degeneration, at least the one I know of, sounds quite unpleasant. 

So I worry. Also, I could tell my vision was worse and that makes me afraid something's wrong.

In this case, the "wrong" thing was - my astigmatism is a bit worse, and also, the eye doctor acknowledged that "allergies have been a lot worse this year, and I can definitely see signs in your sclera that you're having allergy issues." She recommended an OTC drop, which I may try out. She also wrote  me a new prescription for lenses, and I did order new glasses. (Yes, I buy them there; they're local so if something's wrong it's easy to get it fixed, and they're not really any more than other places, AND my insurance covers part of the cost of the lenses and frames. In fact, the frames I liked best (from Polaroid, of all companies!) were pretty inexpensive AND they said they had some recycled metal content, which I like. 

I wound up with a copay (mostly for the glasses, including a blue-blocking add on coating - I complained that the LED smartboards were bothering my eyes and my doctor suggested it) that was less than the most expensive frames I considered would have cost.

The glasses are much like my current ones, but slightly larger lenses (I like that, I like bigger glasses even if my face isn't that large) and they are rounder (I would like perfectly round lenses but maybe that's too early-70s throwback?). They are again sort of a rose-gold colored frame, which is a good color for me.

I tried several others including a pair that was mostly clear frame but with tiny pink and green decorations embedded in. They were super cute frames, just not super cute on ME so I put them back and decided on something like what I had - I know what I like, I know what looks best on me, AND there will be less adjustment than there would be with much smaller frames or ones that had very dark and noticeable bows.

Another medical thing I am considering doing for the first time is a hearing test; I can't tell if I've lost a little hearing (though I still keep things like my music player set low) or if it's just I have a tiny bit of auditory processing trouble; I occasionally have to ask people to repeat themselves. At any rate, it's probably good to get a baseline. I don't know for sure where to go; I don't want to go to a place that clearly has "selling hearing aids" as its main business, because I suspect that will bias what they tell me. (I don't think my regular doctor does it).  

Tuesday afternoon random

 * Apparently this year is the 40th anniversary of American Girl Dolls. I was aware they'd been around for a while; I guess I was a junior in high school when they came out (I was too old then to want one; had I been eight or ten years younger I might have wanted one. I have long loved the idea of a doll or animal who has a whole wardrobe of clothes, where you can change their clothes).

I know the original company's sold a few times and things have changed; I seem to remember someone I knew with a daughter in that age range in the early 00s complaining about how the quality and customer service were declining (it has always ever been, I guess, in every category of retail)

But I do remember those early days. As a highschool and college student I did collect dolls (Most of my old collection is still packed away at my mother's and I admit I shudder having to go through it and dispose of most of them some how - I have no room to keep the collection, even all boxed up, now, and I'm actually not sure I want most of the dolls any more)

I remember there was a shop in the town my parents moved to that sold them, and I saw a few of the very-early-90s examples. (They also sold the VanderBears, I do have a Muffy Vanderbear and a couple of her outfits; perhaps I should retrieve her some time when I'm up visiting)

I also got the catalogs for a while. They were fun to look at - as I said, I always loved the idea of a doll or toy with their own wardrobe and accessories. (Way back when I was a tween and I had the Kermit the Frog doll that came out when the first Muppet Show was popular, I made him a wardrobe, with my mom's help - jeans, and a couple t-shirts, and a little suit, and a winter coat, and pajamas....). And the few fashion dolls I have now have that same quality. I don't change the clothes OFTEN (I am too busy to think of it a lot of times), but sometimes when I'm sad or overwhelmed by the world it is kind of comforting to go through the old hand-sewn Barbie dresses I've accumulated from Etsy sellers over the years and change the clothes on my "girls."  (I don't have any Ken dolls. I've considered it, I've just never seen one I thought was fabulous enough, and of course, there are fewer clothes for Ken than for Barbie)

As I often say about these things: everybody wants a rock to tie a piece of string around. We take our comforts where we can get them these days, I guess.

* I'm still reading "Can't Spell Treason without Tea" by Rebecca Thorne. I'm enjoying it and trying to tell the prep-school-trained, tiresome, part of my brain to "shut up" when I feel like I should read something "more challenging" (I will get back to "Far from the Madding Crowd" eventually.

The thing is, this is a cozy book. Nothing too bad happens. Yes, Reyna has a bad infection from an injury that the local herbal woman has to work to heal, but you know that (a) this is the first book of a trilogy, (b) she's a main character, and (c) in these romantasy type books the author would not DARE kill off one of the two romantic leads.  

Much of the storyline is Reyna and  Kianthe planning out their bookstore/teashop and doing the steps necessary to renovate an old barn that was an outlaw hideout (And I suppose we'll have another "mild peril" subplot of the outlaws showing up again; I'm about 1/3 of the way through). And you know? a lot of the "stories" I tell myself - to calm down, to try to get to sleep - involve the idea of setting up a place to live and/or work, and all the details, and what nice little things I'd put into it, so that also is pleasant to read about.

(And as I said, I wonder if a lot of these are, as the booksellers call it, "Sapphic." I don't know if they figure that's the audience - though people who aren't, like me, read them too - or if this was heavily inspired by  "Legends and Lattes," which also features a wlw couple. Or maybe authors feel like a man/woman pairing would get too unbalanced in the direction of him doing everything? I don't know)

I do think I'll read the others in the series when it comes out. I realize now that compared to a lot of people I read very slowly - and I think I read slower than I once did as my eyes have gotten worse over the years (I have an appointment this week to get them checked out; I'm hoping it's that I just need a new prescription) 

It's also possible my academic career TRAINED me to read slowly; many journal articles are dense and difficult and if you want to remember what you've read you have to go slow, and that habit may carry over into the rest of my reading life. 

*I've got other books on the way to me (so maybe I need to read faster, LOL). I watched Witness for the Prosecution on TCM the other night and there was a throwaway comment about Disraeli's wife being a good bit older than him, and I looked up a biography ("Mr and Mrs Disraeli: a Strange Romance") and it intrigued me enough I ordered it. I know kind of who he WAS, but I know relatively little about his time and what he did as PM. And I've got the new Becky Chambers book on the way. And Lindsay Fitzhugh's "The Sleuth-hound" which is about the doctor who was an inspiration for Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes. I've had that one on pre-order for like a YEAR, I saw it mentioned on Bluesky and since I enjoy both history and Holmes stories (and yeah, okay, some of the slightly gross medical stories), I pre-ordered and I see it's on the way to me now. 

*Witness for the Prosecution was pretty good. I had forgot Marlene Dietrich was in it - I knew Charles Laughton was as was Elsa Lanchester (and it turns out they were married in real life, which makes the scenes of her nurse character fussing over his ill barrister - the character had had a mild heart attack - all the more interesting to watch. 

At the end of the movie, there's an old voice over on the credits, exhorting the people not to "spoil" a big plot twist for their friends who haven't seen the movie, and that was also interesting - I haven't been to a theater movie in years, do they still do that? Or do they thing it would bring out the oppositional-defiance in people and MAKE them want to spoil it?  

*Other than all that, I am kind of seeking comfort. This has been a rough fall, between the "personnel issue" I alluded to, and some challenging students (not in the good way, not in the "they ask really interesting questions where I go "I don't  know, I'll have to research that a little bit" way, which is the fun kind of "challenging" student). And just all the ugliness in the world being regularly shoved in my face; all the politics slop and I can't watch ANY network tv without seeing singularly ugly political ads (and I shudder to think what the 2028 ads may look like) and also just the ugly horrible things some people in high positions of power say. And I know, I know, I'm to sensitive, but it reminds me of every nasty teacher/coach/orchestra teacher I had in school, and some of the various peer-bullies I endured, and a couple of unpleasant administrators (who have left their posts, thank goodness) who made me feel "less than" on a regular basis. And it feels like it's all come to a head now and I regularly feel sad and small even as I know I'm doing the right things (last night: my church catered a dinner for the rodeo team on campus and the team from a nearby community college) and the kids* were all very polite and happy to be fed and have some time to just hang out and talk with each other before practice, and while my intellectual brain tells me this is a good thing, and I am helping put good out into the world, emotionally it doesn't feel like enough, or it doesn't feed me emotionally in the way I hoped it would.

I suspect it's sort of a trauma kind of like what I had right after 2020; it's a different kind, imposed by seeing a lot of ugliness in the world and at the same time, because I'm alone a lot, I don't always get a lot of positive interactions.

(*YES I can call them "kids," I am nearly 58 and if I had had babies early and my children had had babies early some of these students could be my grandkids)

Sometimes I think what I would really like would be someone to just sit with me from time to time and say nice things to me about me. But I also know I'd probably struggle to believe those things. But I do need to get more positive interactions in my life; I'm just not sure how. And more volunteer work probably ain't it - I'm awfully tired as it is and signing up to do more fetching and carrying or more emotional support of others feels like too much. 

Photos got difficult

 I may share a LOT fewer photos on here; my phone no longer seems to synch to my laptop, and I can't write blogger posts on my phone (it won't let me share photos and anyway it's an enormous pain to type on my phone). I tried e-mailing them to me but it's now become a whole THING to download and save them from an e-mail

 

this displeases me. Why must everything be made harder and worse? If I don't find a simpler way maybe I just go photo-free, or have to share everything on bluesky first to easily download it as a webp format from there. 

I wasted close to 40 minutes this evening to try to fix it. And I spent the early part of the evening at church; we were feeding dinner to the campus rodeo team. So no knitting tonight, boo. 

 I also had to fuss with deleting photos and videos, and a lot of apps I seldom used, to make room for the new iOS update. I THINK I can redownload some of the apps after it's done; I have to do this dance every single time. Maybe I have to delete every photo I take shortly after I take it? But since they won't automatically transfer to my computer, I'll lose all of them. This is extremely displeasing. 

Anyway. I finished the first sock and started the second this weekend:

 I also started the Auxetic scarf, and INTENDED to knit on it tonight, but technical issues stopped me from having time.

 I did stop when I was coming in to work this morning as there was an interesting sunrise:

 And it reflected in my building's window

 

The day out

 I guess in a way, my tradition for mid-fall break most years has been to go to a yarn shop, and that continued this year.

 I drove down to Farmersville. It's about an hour and fifteen minutes away, but it's pretty much a straight shot there on easy roads. (The only bad traffic was on the way home, back in Sherman, people were driving aggressively and inattentively and I had to be extra careful)

I had wanted to find yarn for the Auxetic Scarf from "Farm and Fiber Knits." It calls for sport weight, which is really less common, but dk is *close,* and for a scarf, "close" works, if you have enough yardage (I bought extra, three skeins).

After looking at some of the spendy hand-dyed stuff, and the kettle-dyed stuff from South America (which means you have to alternate skeins every row or two; there are no dyelots on that yarn and they don't always match ideally), I decided on plain old Berroco in a dark avocado green:

It's a wool-acrylic blend, so it's softer than some that were on offer and should be easy care. The shop owner wound it off for me so I can start the scarf right away (often winding off yarn is a bit of a time hurdle for me - it's not hard or timeconsuming but it is a barrier between "oh I want to knit this" and actually starting)

The other yarn is for a smallish shawl. I'm not sure what pattern yet but the "robin's egg" effect appealed to me. There's 880 yards there so it will be enough for a small shawl.

I also wanted another set of sock needles (these are metal; the other ones the shop had were wooden, and I've had bad luck with wood - in small needles it tends to break along the grain. Bamboo is okay but I'm not going to buy wooden small diameter needles again). I also got more row counters; those are always useful.

And this was an impulse purchase

 

I didn't realize it at first but that cat has one front leg and one back leg in the boots. (I don't know that something really "ain't right" with me but I do seem more disorganized and forgetful than some people)

 

I also went to a couple small gift/antique shops there. One of them had a cat

 This is Delilah. The owner told me she was a former feral (I could tell from her "tipped" ear, the TNR groups do that to mark feral cats they have neutered) but when someone took her to be a housecat, she wasn't happy being alone in the house all day, so now she's the shop cat, and seems happy. I suppose it's because a lot of people come in and she gets to yell at them and sometimes get petted (she let me pet her today; the owner did say she liked being petted)

I did buy one thing there. This is a souvenir doll. I'm not quite sure what the outfit is; I almost feel from "vibes" it's supposed to be a small boy rather than a girl. Apparently it was originally from Italy.

I just liked it. The owner said the woman who originally had the dolls (there were about a dozen but this was the one I liked best) used them on her Christmas tree and I admit I thought "Christmas decoration" when I saw him

 At any rate, it was a good day out

It's my Friday

 Well, for this week. And thank goodness it is, I'm TIRED.

(We get a mid-fall break day tomorrow)

The original loose plan was  a colleague was going to lead a field trip to CNRA but I figured since I hadn't heard any more about plans, it might fall through, and I checked with the Farmersville yarn shop to be sure they would be open. (This is Yarn and You. The other one, whose name I forget now, is closed - the owner retired and apparently had a giant sale earlier this month).

 

As it turns out, the field trip plans did fall through, no one else could go. 

So Yarn and You,  that's my plan. YaY opens at 11, so if I leave here at 10 or a bit before I should be good, meaning No Alarm tomorrow morning, which is also good. (I will still wake up early, and will have time for a workout before hitting the road)

The one thing I do want to look for is if they have a nice sportweight I can get about 700 yards of - I am intrigued by the Auxetic Scarf in the new Farm and Fiber Knits magazine.

 

(And oh, I am so happy this magazine exists, and exists in a print format that comes mailed to me. It ALMOST replaces the long-lost-and-still-mourned-by-me Interweave Knits. I really do periodically need a nice craft magazine in REAL format to kind of relax and reset my brain)

Anyway, sport weight is the yarn I have the least of, and I know I don't have any of the right yardage (I might have 200 yards or so of some sock-type sportweight). I really want a solid or tonal color too because this is a knit-purl pattern (Apparently the "auxetic"* quality comes from the interlinking knits and purls)

 (*Apparently this is an engineering term for things that can stretch and squish in different directions? Anyway, I was just thinking this morning "maybe I should cast on a scarf, you know, for the Cold Weather")

 

I should run by the bank today and get some cash, Yarn and You gives a small discount for cash over card. And anyway, my savings account is fuller than my checking account and if I get some money out from IT I will know I can still pay a couple upcoming bills without doing a funds transfer 

It did take me a bit to remember where I'd seen it; I thought first maybe I bought it from Ravelry, then "maybe it was one of those one-off purchases from a PayHip store" and finally I remembered I'd seen it on a magazine page and thought to check Farm and Fiber.

I will also take the chance tomorrow (on the way home) to do an Albertson's run, something I've not been able to do for a few weeks. I mean, it helps to have Aldi in town, but for some things (dairy) their stock is very small and i'm not 100% I trust their meat and I do trust Albertson's (and I might splash out on a small steak, if there's a decent looking one). 

 

It's FINALLY supposed to be cooler and I will get to do one of the minor pleasures of life - wearing something I knitted to a store that sells yarn (usually someone notices).

It's just been too hot too long and I am ready for the cold front tonight (oddly, YESTERDAY night I had a near migraine, but we didn't get the front overnight)

 But after this fall, I need a short break. This was a tough week (I was on campus from 7 am until almost 4 pm yesterday, and then had a nearly-two-hour Elders' and Board meeting at church, and Monday was busy, and I am still in the headspace where walking past the now-blank door of my now-former colleague makes me sad in a little bit of an "edited out of the photo" way, and I have some DIFFICULT students this fall. So it's been a lot. 

So I'm taking tomorrow off, and probably Saturday too, and of course Sunday is church stuff so while I'm not *working* I have things to do (I don't think I'm set to Elder this Sunday, though) 

Part of it, though, is just needing to be OUT OF TOWN and to be SOMEWHERE ELSE and somewhere where I don't have to think so hard about what I must do but more about what I want to do... 

the finished mitts

 I also finished the pink ("currant" I think was the name Paton's gave this yarn color) mitts this weekend. And I started the green ones for my niece for Christmas.

Unsurprisingly, the green yarn is a LOT nicer (it's an indie dyer and I really like the worsted weight base she chose - it's soft and springy, but tightly plied, so it's easy to knit with and not splitty)

But the pink ones will either work if I decide I need them, or as a quick gift for someone else

 

Today was a busy day; I wrote an exam and did a bit of "hangover" grading (people who were out sick for an exam, or someone with an accommodation for "extra days" on assignments, which I get helps some people but as the professor, it's not one I love, because it feels like I'm never actually done).

And then after class, at lunch, I had to run to the local water department. My bill came Saturday, there was no mail pick up yesterday, the payment is due Thursday (the 15th) and I don't trust the mail to deliver it in 2 days (anyway: I think our local mail has to go up to Tulsa for sorting, and that means it's at least 2 days for something in town to travel). And years and years back, I got a "nastygram" from the city ON THE DAY THE BILL WAS DUE for not having sent in a payment, and that they were going to cut off my water, and it'd cost $100 to restart it. And so I went down there with my checkbook to show the duplicate stub of the check I had mailed more than a week previously, but that cut no ice, and NOW they wanted the payment in cash (that was like 20 years ago, and my dad was still around and when I called him, he advised me "go to the bank and get it in pennies" but I didn't, as I was afraid they really WOULD cut off my water). And then a few years back I learned what happened - one of the people who processed payments apparently burned out quite spectacularly, and they were SHREDDING THE WHOLE PAYMENT as it came in. So I presume mine got shredded, as the check never cleared (I had asked if I would get credit if it did, and was told "you might")

After that, though, I had to go and insurance re-enroll, and this year I couldn't just roll over the choices that worked for me; our rates are going up and for the first time I have to pay part of my health insurance premium (I always had to pay dental and some towards vision). This year they said "We'll give you $1000 towards your premiums but above that*, you're on your own" and I think I must have heard it as "we'll give you a one-time $1000 break, and then after that it's all on you" because when I did my selection - it's the second-cheapest plan but the only one I can keep my good primary-care doctor on without having to pay out of network - the "monthly cost" popped up and I had sticker shock, because it would be about 1/4 of my monthly take home pay - and how do I manage that with the inflation jacking food and gas up, and with us stalled in a horrible El Nino where I am STILL having to run the AC just to breathe?

I called someone over to ask if it was right, and she responded that "no, $1000 of that is what the university paid and she pointed to a smaller amount in smaller numbers down the page.

It's still more than I've paid any previous year, but I guess I can manage. I'll have to cut back a little on incidentals, though. (I dont' think I should cut back on the charitable donations I do; that feels wrong)

But the other thing is - everyone was very brusque and short with me and it gave bad vibes. Then again, this whole week so far has been kind of bad vibes - I've had some very demanding and entitled comments from students.

And when I finally got home today, there was an ambulance on my street, in front of the house of an older (probably close to my mom's age) woman who's lived here since I moved in 25 years ago. I know she's had health issues and at least one fall, but it made me nervous and sad. I did finally see them bring her out, and she was on one of those gurneys that props you up half sitting up, and it looked like she was alert. 

I still said a small prayer because what else can you do? They didn't use their sirens so I presume it wasn't urgent but that she needed transport to the hospital or maybe one of those "post injury rehabilitation centers." I hope she gets better and can come home eventually. I haven't heard anything from the other neighbor who usually texts when something big is up, so I presume it's nothing too big, or maybe no one really knows what it is. 

Some weekend activities

 I did find and order a shoe cabinet (from Wayfair). I didn't really think too hard about it beyond buying one of the plainer and less-expensive ones. I especially did not think much about the "some assembly required"

It arrived Saturday. I should have guessed when I heard two FedEx delivery people talking outside my door as they dropped it off.

It was labeled "TEAM LIFT: OVER 15 KG" meaning it's recommended that you have someone help you lift it (15 kg is not quite 35 lbs, and it may have been a bit more than that). I contemplated calling someone (but most of the people I know have bad backs or bad shoulders) but I just managed to heft it up the porch steps and in. Once I opened the box, I reasoned, I could take it out part by part and it wouldn't be so heavy.

But: "Some assembly required" meant literally "ALL OF THE ASSEMBLY REQUIRED"

There were *almost* guide holes on the parts, but I wound up having to install about 24 of those little lock parts that have a channel-lock sort of thing that goes around them, and a couple dozen tiny screws.

The doors were the worst because you really need another person to hold them in place while you install the hinge. The first door I managed to pin in place with my knee (it stands open against the nearest wall) but the second one nearly did me in and I considered calling someone from church but decided not to

I used up my month's quota of swear words on this. It took 2 1/2 hours but I did get it done

 By then I was tired, and needed to wash my hair before church the next day, and fix dinner. So I waited until Sunday afternoon. And that gave me time to sort my shoes; a couple nearly-worn=out pairs went in the trash and even though not ALL of them fit, the floor area where they were is now clear, and it's been vacuumed and wetmopped for the first time in....well, a while.

The cabinet is just inside the door to my dining room. It's not *ideal* but my entryway is too small for it, and where the shoes used to live (next to the piano) would not give room to open the doors unless I took up even MORE of the room with the piano (by moving it out farther from the wall). So here it stays. Because I do a "shoes off" house and it's preferable to take them off at the door and immediately stow them, rather than walk into my bedroom (which is itself crowded). 

So I did fill it up. And because every flat surface must be decorated....well. I put my little Duolingo tap-light there, and a photo from a forest in Southern Illinois, and the old photo of me as "Goth girl goes to the prom" from a Halloween party I went to more than 20 years ago, and a little framed Artomatic painting. 

Oh, and the stained-glass "potted cactus" I bought a few years back at the Coffee Collective (which I think operates under a different name now) in Denison. 

And today I added a small wooden bowl my friend Lynn's husband made for me (it's not shown in the photo) because it's perfect for keeping my keys in, and now they're off my piano top.

 Yes,  I have a lot of shoes.

I also cleared off the piano top and put out all the ridiculous (anatomically inaccurate) skeleton figures I've bought over the years, and my little halloween Bluey, and a stuffed raven, and my OG "baby mothman" from Squishimals, and the pink disco ghost (or possibly Medjed) I bought last year: 

 

Some Friday things

 * Got my flu shot today. Hopefully I don't feel bad tomorrow (usually do not with the flu shot but I've heard that some people have bigger immune reactions to this year's formula.

In a couple weeks: the COVID booster. I like to space them out because I sometimes get bad chills and hives from shots and would rather not have a double dose at once.

* I think maybe using PBS Passport on Friday nights (when there is zero tv I want) is my new thing. It's less depressing than grousing about "well I guess Friday is still Date Night and so those of us losers without a date get the crummy tv" and trying to find some old movie to watch.

  (I donate a little every month to them; I started when Oklahoma's governor was talking about stopping ANY funding (even the reduced federal amounts) going to them bur I like that I get free access to a streaming service that's frankly more in line with my interests with post). Right now I'm going through a Poirot episode from time to time (there are a LOT and I am going back and watching the first season, which I don't remember as much as some of the later season ones) 

And they have lots of other stuff. I haven't really been able to watch Marlow Murder Club, I might take that up, too.

* I'm almost done with the pink mitts. Didn't quite get them done; the part where you have to go back and forth (rather than knit in the round) goes more slowly. 

* I do want to get those mitts done and wind off the green yarn for the second pair; I give an exam Monday and need simple knitting for proctoring it. 

* I'm reading more on "You Can't Spell Treason Without Tea" and darnit, I think I like romantasy now. The thing about it is - or at least about this book, and Sarah Beth Durst's - is nothing so terrible happens. Oh, there's mild peril now and then, but honestly, a lot of this book has been the pair (Reya and Kiara) making plans to set up a tea shop and bookstore together. (I also wonder - this being the second woman-woman pairing book I've read - if these tend to be more LGBT-friendly than more traditional fantasy or romance? I wonder if anyone's looked the the semiotics of that. Before romantasy, the only "romance" I ever read was more in the Jane Austen mode (which really is NOT romance; it's comedy-of-manners) and it was both written in a different era, and seems to focus very much on making a good traditional-marriage match. 

I wonder though if there are any of these TYPE of books with a protagonist "going it alone." I admit I groaned a little last night at the new Elspeth where I interpreted the very end of it and hinting the sad-sack detective whose wife just left him and Elspeth might become an item, and yes, I know she was married once and she also had a fling with a Scots poet (I mean, really now) but....not all of us wind up partnered. There is NOT a lid for every pot, no matter what anyone says. 

And also, in talking with my church-lady friends - most of whom are widowed but one of whom is divorced - none of them seem at all INTERESTED in coupling up again; in fact, the divorced one, after having a fellow sort of pursue her, commented on how awful some men can be and yes, I mean, I like men, but my recent experiences with anything like dating have not been great, and have led me to think "I see why women in that one poll said they'd "pick the bear""

I dunno. It feels a bit like, since the pandemic, it's just HARDER to interact in any way, romantically or otherwise. Most of the friends I have now, I had before the pandemic. I know I need to make more, but....how? There's not much social stuff here that appeals to me. (I keep hoping some kind of "sit and stitch" night, or some kind of "book night" will start up, but not yet, and NO I do not have the energy to try to start one, that's not fun, you wind up doing all kinds of work, and if it fails, you blame yourself)

* But at least I have Poirot. And I suppose I can hunt around and find other imaginary universes to escape into, either through the Passport thing or in books. It's not the same, but it's better than sitting and watching news or worrying about the state of the world.

*And who knows. Maybe when I retire, I DO try to move somewhere else, like even Denison has more stuff of interest to me. (I waited 25 years for this place to grow, and while it has, some, it's not grown MUCH and every time there's a "contraction" economically, lots of places close, and also, it's not really balanced economically - we had literally dozens of weed dispensaries, which do not interest me ONE BIT, and now they're all crashing as the market contracts and my state realizes they went way too loosey-goosey with letting guys do whatever they wanted without much regulation...Or maybe when I'm retired I just have more time and can find places to go to, or things happening in town. Like maybe I join the library board..... 

up to toes

 But first: I have a new sink garbage disposal. I got home after class and ate, and was just thinking of doing the rest of my piano practice when the phone rang - a whole hour before the start of the time window - the plumber wanted to know if he could come early.

 That's a first.

But I said, of course, and he came, agreed my diagnosis (failed seal) was correct, quoted a price (more than TWICE what it was back in 2014 when I had this done previously). I agreed to it - I didn't feel up to shopping around and maybe everyone is close to that expensive now, and this plumber is at least trustworthy, I've used them for years. And if I called someone else, I'd be waiting another week, maybe, and I could NOT with having to use as few dishes and pans as possible

So I had it done. Oh, I've got money in savings, so it won't be a hardship, but there is an awful lot of sticker-shock over things these days.

SO at least I got most of my afternoon back. I did the piano practice and then ran out to Aldi for a few things (they carry SOME Perdue chicken products, only place in town I've found it, and I think Purdue is a better brand than most. So I got some ground chicken for a hoisin-glazed meatloaf I want to try (but I will also have to get some scallions and some new panko breadcrumbs first)

Tomorrow my plan is to get the flu shot. They say it's hitting early this fall and I don't want to get a case of the flu. I can get the covid booster in a couple weeks then (I don't like to combine shots because I tend to have a stronger reaction - hives and worse chills - when I do) 

Tonight was the new vampire show from the makers of Ghosts (my conclusion: I don't like it as well as Ghost and I HOPE they are bringing Ghosts back) and Elspeth (glad to see it back, hoping she doesn't take up with that sad-sack detective whose wife left him. Honestly not EVERYONE on tv needs to be coupled! There are a few of us in real life who aren't!)

So I knit on the socks and got up to the toe (66 rounds of the pattern - a six-row pattern - on the foot. This is just a reminder to me)

 And here's a close up. After I took these I did just the first couple toe rounds, using the "round toe" instructions from the pattern

 I do still have to do the second one but at least this feels like progress.