Tuesday afternoon things

 * My mom's phone is back. A tree had come down on some of the equipment Frontier had, and it took clearing that up. She had it back midday Monday. 

I will admit the "not being able to reach her for a bit" perhaps brought up a bit of old trauma for me and also reminded me there may be a day when I try to call her and can't get her....ever again.

* I mowed the lawn for the first time today. Well, it was more a "ceremonial" mowing - mainly to knock down some of the weeds going to seed, and to get the deadnettles cut before they got their usual powdery mildew (which I'm allergic to). It took the entire charge on my mower to get through stuff - some of the weeds in the backyard had gotten tall. (The grass doesn't take over until it's a bit warmer)

I'm hearing thunder now and it's supposed to rain the rest of the week, so I'm glad I got it done. 

* Darwin (the cat) was back in again today. He's really grown

 Even though it's been a couple months, he remembered me. His owner said he perked up and started looking around when he heard my voice coming down the hall.

He is very soft. He started twining around my legs when I was petting him. 

He's probably going to be a good-sized cat; he's not quite six months old and he's fully as big as one of my parents' last cats was when she was an adult.

And his ears are proportionally big on him, which suggests to me he'll get larger yet:

 It made me happy that he remembered me and was still my friend. (Later on I came down the hall again and he was hanging out in a "tunnel" that was formed by the tables stacked up from one of the classrooms being renovated, and he came out when he heard me and said "Mrrrp?" and I had to pet him again)

* I'm currently reading The Poison Squad, which is about early food-safety regulations. It's fascinating but also hair raising - I guess another way little kids just randomly died a hundred or more years ago was that they wound up getting milk that had had formaldehyde put in it to mask that it was going bad. Or candy that had been colored with some kind of toxic heavy-metal compound. And I guess you really, really could not trust food stuffs to be pure, not like we can now. (Even given periodic recalls). 

I really hope we're not going to go back to those days. 

*Busy week, and to my disappointment, I will have to carry a lunch also on Thursday and Friday.....Thursday noon we meet to assign the scholarships for next year, and Friday (unless I hear otherwise) is a mandatory Zoom to learn to use yet another new piece of software we have to use to manage stuff. 

I like teaching a lot but all the add-ins of the monitoring and the assessment and the like just gets me down. 

 

 

Finished some socks

 I didn't get a lot of knitting or crochet done over break, but I did finish a pair of socks and begin another.

I finished the Gusto color-blocked socks. These are the ones where I did the two skeins in opposite directions rather than struggling to try to match colors.

I'm a lot happier with how they came out than I thought I would be, they actually look pretty good and there's enough of the same colors in both that you can tell they're a pair

 

 I then pulled out a ball I had brought with me of WYS yarn (I think it's the colorway called Woodpigeon, at least, it's one of the "British Birds) line. I didn't get very far:

 It's mostly purples and greyish purples. 

I just started on the knit-plain part. 

It's been another stressful day - weird-bad news, and I found a dead woodrat in my drive this morning (almost certainly one of the neighborhood cats). I was rushing to get over because I THOUGHT I had a student coming in to make up an exam at 8 (turns out they had car trouble and couldn't get in) but also I didn't feel like cleaning it up in my work clothes. 

So when I got home at the end of the day today, I decided to quick bury what was left (the city doesn't like animal remains in the rollcarts though I suspect if I had put it in a trash bag no one would have known. By then there was......half a rat....(the cat must have come back). It had also dried up somewhat so it was easier to scoop up with the shovel and bury. 

I also think I'm hitting a point where I "leave it all on the field" in class and I'm worn out when I get home - one of my classes is covering a difficult topic right now and I work hard to try to teach it, and then I'm just worn out after the day. And I think when you've been teaching a while, it catches up to you (or my age is catching up to me) and you don't rebound with a short rest as fast as you did before. 

***

After piano practice, while looking over the notes for tomorrow's (8 am) class, I put Bluey on in the background. And I realized something: there's a Japanese genre of anime called Iyashikei,  which translates to "healing" or "healing anime" - mostly slice of life, worldbuilding storytelling where nothing very bad happens. Apparently My Neighbor Totoro is an example (though I would say that the little girl going missing for a short time is a little....not restful). I think that's the only one I've seen of the ones listed here, but I'd happily watch more if I had the chance to do so easily (I don't have any streaming services)

But I also realized, that in Western animation, Bluey might be a pretty close example of this - nothing very bad happens, there's a LOT of slice-of-life and gentle humor, and a lot of the things that happen - a lot of the ways the episodes end - is gentle and soothing and makes you feel good. One of the episodes tonight was the one where they clear out the old nursery, and Bluey asks if she can move into it and have it as her bedroom, and she does (but with a lot of horse-trading with Bingo about which of the "teddies"* and books live with each girl

(*I presume "teddies" is the generalized term in Australia for stuffed toys/plushies/stuffies)

And then they start scooting notes to each other across the hall until their mom stops them. 

But Bluey winds up lonely in her new room - and at the end, she and Bingo wind up both back in their old room, sleeping in the same bed (and hugging each other, which is very sweet and wholesome). And Chilli (the mum) says to Bandit that he will have to move the beds back to the same room the next day, and while he groans a bit, it's clear he will do it. (And he asks - "does she miss her old room" and Chilli says something like "No, she misses something else" and then it cuts to Bluey and Bingo sleeping happily in the same bed)

And yes, it is, for me at least, a healing show - it depicts a really nice family dynamic, and nothing very bad ever happens, and there are some gentle laughs along the way.

And maybe we need more animation like this? Even adults? I think "Summer Camp Island" (which can be hard to find but Discovery Family used to show it) comes close. But there aren't a lot of shows specifically for adults** where it's just restful and nice and there's no major horrible conflict. And maybe, especially now, we need this?

(**though arguably, Bluey puts in some subtle things grown-ups would pick up on, both bits of humor ("It was the 80s, man!") and things like subtle sly glances between Bandit and Chilli, that kids might not pick up on. And some episodes seem to have deeper meanings; I take "Flatpack" as an attempt to somewhat reconcile some kind of theism/deism with evolution, in a way)

And finally home

 Sort of a difficult trip. 

Oh, it was good seeing my mom, and I had some good meals and did a little knitting and some crochet, and my mom bought me a couple of dresses ("the rest of your birthday present") when we went out one day, but difficult things happened.

Friday evening (the 14th) there were bad storms in Arkansas and Missouri when I was on the train. I know I looked out the window a couple times after going to bed and seeing lightning everywhere. And then we sat for several hours outside, I think, Little Rock, because of tornado warnings up ahead.

Then, when we finally got to Poplar Bluff, we stopped. And then went *backwards*. They finally announced that there were trees down on the track, and the track needed to be cleared and inspected.

So we sat for like six hours. And then we had to wait even longer on a new crew.

They did feed us lunch. But unfortunately - womp womp - I realized I now have the third triad of the "celery-carrot-spice" sensitivity that some people with birch and mugwort pollen allergies get - I can no longer eat cumin, or at least not in the quantities in the butter chicken the night before and the enchiladas that day and had some gastric distress as a result. (At least now I know, and looking back - several 'stomach viruses' I had over the past year were probably THAT, and the "oh no, is my gall bladder starting to go bad" was probably THAT).

 Makes cooking and restaurant food harder, but oh well. At least now I know.

Anyway, we were super late. (They fed us pizza for dinner, which didn't help with my stomach). 

We finally got in to Bloomington around midnight (a bit before, but it was after midnight when I finally got home because...) My mom went out about 11:30 and it was a very dark night (cloudy) and some of the roads in town are not well lit, and she is in her 80s.....and she caught a damaged curb with her tire and tore the tire. She was close enough to the station that she decided to sacrifice the tire and get there. Someone called the cops and they showed up

(She later told me they gave her a field sobriety test, which of course she passed!)

They called the local towing company (for those who did graduate work at ISU: it is the one that shall not be named; they had a very bad reputation for rudeness and requiring payment IN CASH one the spot for services rendered). They changed her tire for her; I was afraid the axle might have been damaged but apparently she didn't hit as hard as I feared, and it just punctured the tire

I wound up paying; they wanted a cell phone to send the link to and she doesn't have one that accepts texts. 

Then she had to arrange for a new tire but her good mechanic was able to take care of that, and they concluded the other three tires were still new enough (months rather than years) that replacing one would be OK.. 

(Also, the "spare" was actually an in-good-shape leftover from the older set, so she wasn't driving on a donut)

But that ate up time in a too-short break. 

And coming back, I had to take a "bus bridge" for part of the way - trackwork - but that wasn't so bad. Drove home, ran to the Albertson's (which is now going to be my "big shopping" store - it's closer and nicer and has some more of the familiar-to-me brands). 

Got home, was about to eat lunch, but decided to call my mom first to assure her I had gotten in.

No answer.

Okay, fine, maybe she stepped out to get the mail, it was about that time. 

Called again in a few minutes, left a message, hoping maybe she was out talking to a neighbor (that often happens). 

Then my brother called. He NEVER calls me except in emergencies. "Have you been able to reach mom? I've been trying since last night"

Oh.

Oh, no. 

I still remember that Friday night in January 2016 when my brother made a similar call about our dad, and it turned out he had had a surprise hospital admission (bad medication interaction) and I didn't find out he was OK for some 20 minutes and it was *awful*

After that, I got all the neighbors' numbers.  Well, one set is out of town right now but I called Barb and trepidatiously asked "do you know if my mom is okay? I can't reach her on the phone and my brother just called...." 

and she said "your mom is fine" and I was about to yell HOW DO YOU KNOW but she followed it up with "something went wrong with her phone and internet service, she's been over here trying to talk to someone from Frontier to get it sorted, she said she'd come back at about 2 and call you so you wouldn't worry."

She also said her housemate texted me but I didn't get it, I suspect she texted my landline, which can't accept texts.
 

So I called my brother back to tell HIM, and then shortly after that, yeah, my mom did call. I reminded her she had a cell phone (which normally lives in her car) but I knew she didn't have it and I don't know the number anyway.

So she went and got it and I now have the number, and at least she has a phone she can call out on if there's any emergency. 

But yeah, now i'm TIRED. I did go over and set up Monday's lab, and grabbed the stuff I need to write Friday's exam, but I'm not sure I have the energy to. And I'm not sure what to do for dinner given that it was nearly 3 pm here when I finished lunch.

On the road

 But currently stuck in Poplar Bluff.

Storms overnight brought down a tree and we have to wait for it to be cleared and the track inspected before we can proceed. 

Hopefully soon; I heard a couple freight trains coming in the opposite direction, unless they had been on totally different tracks 

Anyway, we’re like five hours late 

At least I have a roomette so it’s quiet 

Some photos. The air quality is terrible (haze, I guess it’s blowing dust)

Five years on

 Everyone else seems to be doing it, so I will, too.

Today is the five-year anniversary of my university going all-virtual because of COVID. I remember the day because it would have been my father's 85th birthday (he had died the previous July). It was a Friday; the last day before Spring Break.

I had already cancelled my plans - I had been going to visit my mother, but figured Amtrak travel, even in a roomette, would not be safe (In retrospect, given the spread at that time, it might have been, but my mother and I are both cautious people). I was able to get a voucher for future travel with no loss of value; my thought was "well maybe I can use this at May, or failing that, Thanksgiving"

It would be May 2021 before I traveled again.

Similarly - my campus started out saying "faculty can come in to teach from their offices" and "we may only be online for two weeks"

The week after spring break we were told no, we had to stay home and do the best we could to teach from home. A colleague who didn't have internet at his house (out in the country) would record his teaching videos and "sneak" in late in the evening to upload it on campus. 

We weren't officially welcome back on campus until July (which was also the start of a new fiscal year, and that may have been partly why that date). I finished up some research I had begun (And I got it published the year after that )

We went back to being sort-of in person in the fall, but one of my classes was too large to "distance" in the room (people were supposed to stay 2 meters apart, which probably was based on outmoded research, but) and to wear masks (and I had one or two folks I had to mask-police during the time masks were mandatory, and it was unpleasant for me to have to be confrontational in that way, but it would have been my fault if I let someone not-mask and someone else got sick.)

Anyway. My one class had to be online; the only other option would have been to get to the ballroom that was about a half-mile across campus and then back after class (in 10 minutes) for my next class in my regular building. Parking has ALWAYS been an issue, and while I didn't have an injured knee then, I figured it would cut it awfully close many days, and if it was storming, I would not like to walk in it.

So I taught over Zoom from a classroom. It was distressing at times - the time a colleague leaned in the door and turned  out the light thinking the room was empty because I was supervising some kind of think-pair-share type thing, the fact that I had to put everyone on automatic mute after having a day of being interrupted by (a) someone watching tv while on the zoom, (b) someone trying to supervise their kids during class, and (c) the worst - someone doing McDonald's drive through with class apparently on their phone. 

And even outside the frustrations of having to say "hey, the mask goes over your mouth AND NOSE" a couple times a week, and making sure the tables were wiped down with antibacterial goo after every class (even long after fomite transmission was largely disproven; we got angry-grams when our goo didn't get used up fast enough, to the point where I contemplated taking the bottles and just pouring a bit down the sink every week) and the fact I had to change up how I did certain labs (in one class: having to run between two rooms as students worked), there were the "outside" frustrations

Things like, "will the grocery store have organic milk in some denomination (skim, 1%, or 2%) that I will drink" or "are eggs in stock?" (which ironically and uncomfortably, has become an issue again). Things like "will the store be too crowded to go in?" All the little inconveniences which, while they did increase our safety, were another cognitive load and also another reminder of the terrible times we were in.

And this was long before masks became politicized! That started when our governor banned mask mandates - not merely DROPPED them, but said no facility could issue them. (I continued to wear a mask into 2022. I got multiple complaints on teaching evaluations about "I can't hear or understand you" which may have been as much a political as a practical statement, I don't know. And I got laughed at by some woman once in the walmart for wearing a mask. Eventually I quit - it's uncomfortable in our high humidity with my asthma and once I'd been vaccinated 3 or 4 times, I decided "well, if my being careful to wash my hands and stay apart from people and my vaccines aren't enough, fine, I'm done")

As far as I know, I've never yet had COVID. Of course, I'm also a near-hermit, and I do have a pretty vigorous immune system - and I've kept up with the annual boosters. 

There was also the emotional fallout - early on, staying strictly home (only going out once every week or 10 days to grab groceries, doing nothing "fun," not seeing anyone not through a computer screen - and then later the whole "third quarter phenomenon" where you were just SO tired but didn't know for sure when it would be "over," if it ever was going to be. 

There were weeks in summer 2020 where the only other human I spoke to was my mother, over the phone.

It got bad. I thought I was an introvert but that level of isolation was too much for me; looking back I can tell I really had some trauma and maybe something like ptsd for a couple years; I'm just now snapping out of it (ha ha ha just in time for all the chaos in the federal government) 

It was a big big day in 2021 when, after the first vaccine, I decided it was "safe enough" for a quick masked trip into JoAnn Fabrics (I had been doing no "unnecessary" shopping)

(And now JoAnn's is gone, sigh). 

And how things slowly returned. I was MUCH slower than most people I know to go back to eating in restaurants - even in 2023 I was mostly only ever doing carry-out, or eating somewhere where I could eat outside.

I also remember it took me a long time to be comfortable driving to Sherman again. Part of that was the construction on the bridge over the Red River; for a while it almost felt unsafe (no wiggle room and the barriers so you didn't go over the edge were lower) but also the length of the drive felt like a lot. 

And I've now worried for a while about a "new pandemic" - I was thinking H5N1 (and we might still get that in humans), but now it looks like measles? A vaccine-preventable disease? (I have had three doses of the vaccine, might get a fourth if it seems like it's showing up right where I am). But man, there's been a lot of bad history I lived through.

Fixing an error

 In retrospect, I probably should have pushed harder to get the body part of the vest started over the weekend; I didn't quite finish the ribbing* and start on the body until this morning during the exam, and I didn't read the pattern carefully and I assumed the cabled part set-up was going to be p2 k4 p2 k4 p2 k4 p2 k4 p2 k4 p2 k4 p2 k4 p2, and I did that as the set-up round.

And then in the next round I had 10 stitches too many. And my first thought was, "I messed up during the cast on and couldn't tell because the ribbing was all the same thing" and started making plans to decrease my way over rounds to the right number but then realized that would look bad, and in frustration, I looked at the pattern and it's

 p2 k4 p2 k6 p2 k4 p2 k6 p2 k4 p2 k6 p2 k4 p2

which actually accounts for the extra stitches.

So I had to unknit a round and a half (so: close to 300 stitches) and that took up the remaining time. I didn't want to just take the needles out and try to rip back, I knew that would end in grief, so I undid it stitch by stitch. I didn't finish during the exam

So I took it home and did the rest tonight, and got the set-up round and the second round done; it's now up to the first cable round. And I give an exam tomorrow so I can work on it some there. 

It's not the most fun yarn to unknit and it got a little fuzzed when I did that but I don't think it'll be noticeable. 

(*ribbing is BORING to knit)

 It's a recycled nylon yarn (from water bottles) that I got at the late, lamented JoAnn Fabrics (And yeah, I'm still unhappy about private equity destroying them like they destroyed Borders' and some other good chains; where I live it's mainly big-box stores 'cos we're a lower SES area and there are  not a lot of people who do crafts, so losing them means a lot of resources I used are lost.

I mean, I still have the little local yarn shop (well, local a half hour away) but they mainly sell fingering weight wool, and their book selection is extremely small. And of course they don't have sewing supplies. And we have surprisingly fewer quilt shops now; several have moved far away from me or closed altogether. (In at least one case it was a landlord jacking their rent - tripling it! - and it gives me a tiny bit of petty joy when I am down that way and see that the building STILL hasn't rented. Suck it, greedy land lords)

And yeah, as I look at what's happening in the nation I grimly wonder what there will be left at the end of all the chaos; will we still have any nice and fun shops for supplies, or will it only be wal-mart? Will we be left trading the few things we have left from the before-times back and forth until they completely fall apart?

I dunno. Doesn't help that this week is the fifth anniversary of the declaration of a COVID pandemic and my university going all virtual. And yes, back then I wondered "will there be anything left to come out to?" and yes, a lot of places DID close down then - and I suspect more will now with the ongoing shocks. And I don't like it. I especially don't like it as someone with out spouse, kids, or nearby family; sometimes going out to somewhere like JoAnn's was my one solace to look forward to and if we lose all that, well, I don't know. 

 

The weekend past

 * Never got a call despite being told my framing job was supposed to be done. I was unwilling to invest the hour's round trip to drive down there in the rain in case it was done. I called the place and was told "the framer gets in at 1 pm, she'll call you" but she never called so

a. the message did not get passed on

b. the framing job was not done

I admit this frustrates me slightly - the lack of communication. I mean it's fine if something takes longer but if I call to check a call back would be nice. I won't be able to get it until after spring break now; I hope it's safe there. I have already paid for it and have a receipt so if the worst happened and it got lost or damaged I guess I can demand the cost of the framing back plus the $35 I paid for the painting session. 

But I really want it back and framed.

But this is something I've seen - increasingly poor/inattentive customer service. I know people are busy and often low-paid and all that but given how much time I devote to e-mailing back to students and similar it would be nice to get a little reciprocity there. 

I'd pay more for stuff if customer service were more reliable. But again: it's a bimodal situation where the hyperwealthy get what they need and the rest of us are just left hanging

*  I didn't quite get the ribbing on the vest done even though I have an exam to give tomorrow. I guess I figure it out during the exam. It's my small class so it should be OK; I am just out of energy to do more. 

Part of this is DST; I don't like it, I don't sleep well for a couple days after the change and I will have to go in in the dark tomorrow (I have to turn on the muffle furnace before my 8 am class and I don't relish walking across uneven ground on my bad knee to get there; I might break out my cane again for security - I keep it in the car just in case)

Part of this is just teaching fundamentally four classes (covering a gen bio lab means a level of preparation before hand more than I'd do for a majors' intro lab). So I'm more or less teaching four classes this semester and it really feels like three is my limit along WITH trying to get research and service done.

* We had two more interviews (online) today. At the end of the day, too, after teaching three classes.

* Telling myself I'm not allowed to look at my retirement funds (heavily in stocks) until I actually plan to retire; today was a bloodbath. And Social Security's probably gone; it feels like the plan is for all of us to work until we die.

In truth: I am just very tired. And it feels like nothing has been all that successful lately. 

*  Most actively reading "Death of a Bookseller" (Bernard J. Farmer, not the newer one - this is from the 50s at the latest). It's another of those British Mystery Classics. I'd never heard of Farmer before, but he's a pretty good writer and the story is fairly complex and moves along. Fundamentally: Wigan, a police officer, makes friends with a "runner" (A bookseller who goes around picking books and trying to resell them for a profit). The man lucks into a very rare manuscript, and then is found dead (stabbed). Another runner is picked up on suspicion, and there's a lot of circumstantial evidence against him, but Wigan suspects justice is being miscarried (and this was back in the day when capital punishment was common; the suspect is scheduled to be hanged). A number of other booksellers either seem to be suspects, or Wigan tries to draw them in to get help from them to free poor Fred Hampton (if he is innocent). Right now it's taken an odd turn (I'm perhaps 1/2-2/3 of the way through) where it's suggested that Fisk (the victim) was into the occult, and was trying to summon the devil, and it's implied the devil could have been the one who killed him. It seems a bit jarring given the "police procedural" tone of the rest of the book, but I'll see where it goes.

It's a good story though and I admit I hope poor Fred IS innocent, and that he gets acquitted in time. There's also a woman bookseller (Ruth)  who's an unpleasant piece of work. And there's a bit of a look into the antiquarian book trade in the 1950s - again, with the complaint that some of the wealthy collectors (most of them Americans) don't care about books, they only want them as an investment

(though given events of today - maybe they're better than stocks?)

I sort of collect books. I haven't bought any old-ish ones in a long time, though, mainly through lack of access for places to buy them - the few used book shops around here carry mostly recent publications, and I haven't really done much antiquing. And this climate is hard on books, so they often aren't in as good condition as in cooler/less insect-plagued climates. 

But it's interesting to read about.

Week is done

 I'm trying - slowly - to get the ribbing on the vest done so I can move on to the body. I give a couple exams next week and I'd like to be there before I go for them - I don't want to have to do a LOT of counting while trying to give an exam. 

I also got the heel turned on the second ombre sock

But, I really need to clean the house up this weekend. I'm not going anywhere tomorrow, unLESS Michael's calls me to say my painting is framed (they promised it to me "March 8 or earlier" but I suspect that was ambitious, and who knows what supply chain screw ups have started - the last time I was in the wal-mart there were a LOT of empty shelves)

It's also supposed to be chilly and rainy. We've had really up and down weather and my sinuses aren't happy.

At least I'm caught up on the urgent things for next week - all the grading, the exams are done and in to the print shop, I've got things ready to go for the labs. I will need to be sure to have enough time to get packed and to do things like print off my ticket before next Friday.

I really need a break. I'm just tired and I find I'm not sleeping well; I think it's just the combination of stress with what's going on in government, and the stress of "why don't we see any guys doing the construction we were promised would be done by May in our building," and trying to get everything done, and I've been having, if not exactly unpleasant, slightly stressful dreams - mostly trying to get things done and not being able to.  

So I'm hoping a little time away might help? I don't know.

Thursday afternoon things

 * I found out the badly-damaged house (where it looked like a tree made a direct hit on what was probably a bedroom) near my office building was unoccupied, so no one was injured. The house will probably have to be torn down but at least no one got hurt.

* Yesterday was, of course, Ash Wednesday. And because most of us work (so no "typical" early morning service) and because we're between ministers, the secretary and I, between us, worked up a short Ash Wednesday service: a couple of prayers (she did one, I did one) and some Scripture reading, and a "the purpose of Lent and ashes" reading. And yes, we distributed ashes.

 Not all Disciples churches do this. I find it important and valuable, and our secretary was raised Catholic so I know they're meaningful to her.

Yes, it was odd this year being one of the people who marked crosses on people's foreheads and whispered "from dust you came and to dust you shall return" to them - it was something I would never have been prepared to do before but these past few years have changed me. 

 Oh, not all the changes have been good, but perhaps this greater acceptance of (or at least: less tendency to want to turn hard away from thinking about) mortality, and willingness to do things that might be "hard," are probably a good change. 

I do admit as I got towards the end, as our newest members (a couple of men) came up and I did it, I could feel the catch in my throat and my eyes watering a little - one of them is like 80 and the other just a bit younger, and they're really nice guys, and I had the thought of  "I might not have them as friends for very much longer, given their ages" and that got to me a tiny bit. But then it was my turn and I turned to the secretary and she did it for me and she was very nearly crying at that point.

 

 

 Ash Wednesday can be a lot. I think it's especially a lot for those of us who lived through the pandemic now. It's probably more a lot for people who lost near and dear ones; the only people I lost were a cousin I'd not been in contact with much and an old family friend who had been very ill (leukemia). 

I think it's a lot for me also because I remember my dad, whom I still miss. Next week - the 13th - would have been his 90th birthday. 

* But also, I caught myself  thinking how maybe this was my "zombie apocalypse" skill - people joke about that, like "are you good at repairing engines? can you deliver a baby and cut the cord? do you know how to spin yarn from wool?" and most of the skills I have - knitting, and baking bread, and sewing - are things that lots and lots of people can do, so I wouldn't have high demand skills

But maybe the more spiritual side? I have presided over, if not exactly a funeral, an interment of ashes. And I've preached sermons. And I can come up (usually) with prayers pretty off the cuff if needed. And in an end-of-the-world situation, maybe God would forgive me for being unordained and yet presiding over marriage vows for couples, if there were no longer the legal or ecclesiastical structure to support such a thing, but people wanted the officialness of a vow. 

It's strange to realize that I seem to have Skills in this area despite wrestling very hard with doubts some times, but I guess maybe that's also evidence of God's much-vaunted sense of humor?

* So far it looks like my trip next week is still going. There are some claims on Social Media about "DOGE is looking at Amtrak" but Amtrak is a semi-autonomous company that is just subsidized by the government, and appropriations for this year have already been made* and also, the board it has is on through 2029 so.....hopefully. Though you never know now, it seems lots of "extrajudicial" stuff is being done and if the courts try to stop it, it's slow. At any rate, I expect to be getting on a train next Friday night for a short break, which I badly need

 

(*yes, those appropriations could get ganked, just like NIH/NSF funding, just like some of the student financial aid stuff was....but I hope not. Or at least I hope selfishly Amtrak has enough funds to get me to Illinois and back.)

* But yes, it's been a VERY busy week, and next week will be busy. I have two job candidate interviews Monday and have decided to skip CWF as it's at 6 pm and it's likely the last interview won't be over until after 5. 

I really hope the candidate for another position we made an offer to will accept, both because they will be a good fit for the department but ALSO I really want to be done with these. I realized the other day I've served on a hiring committee for most of the times between 2019 and now, even including the pandemic (that's when we started heavily doing Zoom interviews)

The heavy weather

 They were predicting storms last night. At first they were kind of dismissive, but then as the evening wore on they warned more and more strongly.

I moved some sturdy shoes and "street clothes" (I was in my pajamas) to the interior bathroom I would use as a tornado shelter. As it turned out, I didn't need them. 

We didn't get storms overnight, but they came in very early this morning. I lost power a couple times (and finally, when it came back, even though it was about an hour before I needed to leave, I hit the button on the garage door opener, just in case)

Suddenly, the wind got very strong and I could hear rain being driven against the front of the house. No sirens, and they said later it was mostly "straight line winds" (which can still cause pretty serious damage). They warned there were downed trees in town, but fortunately I could wait until it was light out to drive in. Around me I only saw small branches and twigs down. I taught my first class and then went up to my office building, and, well:

 The groundskeepers came later (while I was trying to write an exam!) to cut it up with chainsaws.

Also, a couple houses in town were damaged; one near my office building had a tree come down on what looked like a bedroom. I hope no one was hurt, but I think if they had been I'd have heard about it on the news. 

After the storm blew through, it got really windy and chillier and now we're having issues with blowing dust - my car is VERY dirty now and I thought to run it through the car wash on my way home but MAN the lines, so I guess I'll try Thursday? (Tomorrow is my longest teaching day and I have to help with the Ash Wednesday early-evening service, so I don't think I'll have time). 

I also noticed when I got home that one of my yaupon hollies had partially broken. I think it'll survive but I'll have to get out and cut out the broken piece (it's a very large branch, one of the major branches). I may wait until I can get someone to spot me on a ladder: I don't think I can quite reach it from the ground. But it's not crucial at the moment because it's not blocking anything.

At any rate, I got lucky at my house (no real damage) and I'm glad I had that ailing big elm taken down this past summer; it probably would have come to grief today if I hadn't. 

working on socks

 I have the heel flap almost done on the ombre socks. I think I'm glad I worked from opposite ends of the ball rather than trying to make them "matchy"

 It's getting tot he point where I will be into the pattern - I don't know that I'll get into the dark pink on the toe of the second sock or not; that pale pink and lavender color didn't make it into the first sock.

Over the weekend I knit some on the Roadside Attraction socks; this is the ball of yarn I have on that Pendel thing, which works well to corral the ball of yarn

 Other than that, today was long and tiring and a little upsetting, and we're likely to have severe weather overnight. I like spring here but I sure don't like the tornado risks. We're under a tornado watch until like 5 am. I use my phone as an alarm clock now so I expect to be awakened by the weather alerts.

 Which is better than NOT, if it's something serious, but if it's far away from me or something like "lightning in the area" that I don't need to react to, it's not too great.

the day out

 I was tired yesterday evening, and also had to make a dish to take to a potluck (we had a job candidate in and it had been a while since I provided the main dish for one of these). 

And today was equally long: gave an exam, graded another exam, went to the candidate's job talk and then out to the dinner with them.

But I did go out yesterday after my office hours. Got a seafood lunch, went to the yarn shop

The dark blue yarn is for a simple slouch type hat (knit double and folded in on itself) from the Van Gogh Knits book - it's a recreation of a hat (the original was red) that Van Gogh painted an agriculture worker as wearing. The pink and gold yarn - there are three skeins, it's a  Life in the Long Grass yarn - is for a shawl. Yes, it was a LOT of money for yarn, and yes, I haven't knit much on a lace shawl in a very long time. But maybe I get back to it soon, I hope. I'm not sure what pattern to use but I have a bit over 1200 yards, so that's enough for most fingering-weight shawls. I will have to look at my patterns. The color is called Rose Gold and it's two of my favorite colors - that pink, and a soft golden yellow.

 I also wound up going to Michael's (Well, I had WANTED to go to the used book store, but couldn't see a parking place anywhere near it, so I planned to go back later)

I had a $20 voucher, thanks to the money I spent on the framing (which still isn't done, but they didn't think it would be until March 8). I decided to just spend it all at once; there might be a while before I can get back.

It took me a while to find something I wanted but I bought two skeins of Wool-Ease (I couldn't find any of my true mittens during the recent cold snap, just fingerless gloves, so I decided to knit myself some new ones) and a kid for one of these little critter things:

 

There was about 55 cents or so left on the voucher and Michael's has a program that donates craft supplies to kids in the hospital, and it asked me if I wanted to do that, and why not at that point? I had what I wanted and it would just expire anyway. 

I then went back and did find parking near the used-book shop; this is the one that moved down there from here. (I'm still a little sore about that, though I suppose they had their reasons). The owner remembered me though.

I did find two recent mystery novels I wanted

 I've never read an Arcenaux novel before but it looks interesting (set in Louisiana) and I am a big fan of Louise Penny already and this is one of hers I've not read.

I also walked over to what used to be called the Coffee Collective (it goes by a different name now, I guess). They sell houseplants and while they are *pricy* (most of my houseplants are ones I got as cuttings from friends), they had one I've wanted for a LONG time. A Hoya contorta, which once upon a time was called Hindu rope plant (I have no idea what, if any, common name it has now). I remember my mother having one when I was a kid; I think she gave it to a friend in Ohio when they moved from there in 1989. I don't think she took many houseplants with them when they moved; I think she figured they wouldn't survive. I guess she did take the Christmas cactuses she wound up inheriting from her mother (who died a few weeks earlier that year) but I think most of the plants she had were rehomed.

Anyway, I wanted one of these for a while

 It's small. And it needs repotting - I need to look up what kind of soil it prefers and get a better pot (or find one - I think I have an empty one that's suitable) for it. I want to take care of it both because it was expensive, and it was one I really wanted. 

After all that, I realized I was close to the Albertson's, and I needed milk, and I thought, "Well, they were kind of sad and run down the last time I was in years ago, but I can still get milk.

Turns out they've been renovated, and it's a REAL glow-up. It reminds me of the "nice" Schnucks and Jewel stores near my mom - they even have some of the same brands (Signature and O Organics) as Jewel does. So I did a little shopping (got the milk, and some other things ahead for the weekend) and then this:

 I hadn't had time to make a cake for myself, and I knew I wouldn't, so I got myself this. It was pretty good for  "store" cake. 

And also, maybe this Albertson's is my new "big shopping" grocery. It certainly feels easier to get to than the Kroger's in Sherman, which isn't that much farther, but is a less direct route - the Albertson's is close to the nice Denison downtown, where I'd want to go anyway, and it's almost right off the interstate. 

one more sleep

 well, early tomorrow morning (6:05 am Eastern Standard Time, so 5:05 am here) I turn 56.

 I don't know. This year has already been difficult in a number of years and sometimes the joy is awfully hard to find.

I still enjoy teaching; it's probably the main thing keeping me going right now.

Also, piano playing is in one of its better cycles right now; it does bring me considerable comfort to sit down and play - mostly hymns these days; I have both Philip Keveren arrangements (slightly simpler/easier) and the Faye Lopéz arrangements where she does them in the style of various well-known classical pieces (one of my favorites being Jesus Loves Me* in the style of Macdowell's "To A Wild Rose")

 

(*it's a simple song, maybe, and childish, maybe, but it is weirdly comforting to me. I remember some of the good Sunday School teachers when I was a tiny child singing it, and learning it in there and vacation Bible school. We even learned an ASL version of it! And yes, it's simple, but sometimes you need to hear and think that yes, Jesus loves me. Because too often it feels like nothing and no one in this world does.)

And yes, I still knit, but none of my projects seem to be moving forward.

And yes, I'm still sad and angry about JoAnn's closing down; such a selfish decision on the part of the new owners, to basically strip it for parts and sell all of it off. I wonder what will move into that huge building where it was; it's the wrong time of year for Spirit Halloween.

I bet though we see a lot more empty commercial buildings that don't ever re fill. 

But anyway. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am taking the comforts while I still can. I am skiving off from some of my office hours tomorrow and driving to Denison. I am going to the yarn shop and to the used-book store and out to lunch and likely to Michael's also. And not worry about spending money on things. ("Yarn will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no yarn")

(And anyway: my paycheck for February hit my account today, and I'm all paid up on bills until the Mastercard one comes in in a week)

And yeah, I do feel slightly guilty cancelling my office hours, though I have informed people that I won't be there. I wish I weren't so dutiful. (But I also have to make a dish for a potluck tomorrow night, so if I waited until noon to leave, I wouldn't have enough time to do what I want). 

And technically, at least staff people can take their birthdays off (as long as they make up the missed time - but I more than do that with the grading-at-home and the extras I do).

But I still feel a little guilty. But the weather will be better than on Saturday, and Zoom knitting is that day anyway. 

Sadly, they didn't finish my framing job early at Michael's (I was hoping beyond hope, but no) so I can't pick that up, but I might see about using the $20 voucher I've accumulated on....something. I don't know what (Maybe a couple more knitting needles or crochet hooks, or if there's a pattern book I kind of want but don't have, that would work too)

 

one birthday present

 My mom asked what I had wanted, and I didn't really know, but I had seen a yarn-holding set up that seemed pretty clever, and also, it meant some business could go Quixotic Fibers' way, so I passed their number on to her and said I wanted this:

 It's a Lykke brand "Pendel" yarn holder. The spindle-shaped thing (or it's also kind of shaped like a drop spindle) attaches at the top with a strong magnet - so you can easily take your yarn off if you want, and also, it will revolve as you knit

Here it is with yarn. That's a skein of Purl's Yarn Emporium yarn in the "Second Breakfast" colorway; I'm considering using it for cabled socks (I will have to look at my patterns, or maybe just figure out a couple small cables  that run down the front or sides of the sock.

 The holder itself is made of shisham, which is also called Indian rosewood, and apparently it's a fast growing tree that can be sustainably grown and harvested. There are a couple screws you have to insert and lock into place with an Allen wrench to attach the arm that holds the spindle, but it's easy to do and the "pilot holes" have receptacles in them made of metal and threaded, so it seems more sturdy than if you just screwed into the wood. 

Monday evening things

 * Well, I guess it's happening: ALL the JoAnn's fabrics stores are closing. Stupid private equity again, slaughtering the goose to get all the golden eggs NOW. That means there really aren't any chains left that sell true dressmaker fabric. And small businesses that do are few and far between. I haven't sewn clothing in years, but I'd like to have the option to.

I guess one can still mail order, but.......I need reasons to leave the house and places that feel safe and welcoming and JoAnn's was one of those. I don't like gambling, so I will never go to the casino. And I don't drink., And I don't do "shooting sports," and I don't have kids, so I'm closed out of a lot of places here. 

For now I have the small yarn shop (which I will support for as long as we have them) and Michael's. 

*In fact, I was at Michael's this weekend; I had gotten an ad noting that they had a framing sale and I decided that I wanted to get my painting  framed. Not so much because I think it's so wonderful, but to me it represents me doing something I'd never done before and a step out of my comfort zone.

I chose a rustic wood (slightly gray toned) frame. It's supposed to be done on or before March 8th. Then I'll have to figure out where to put it up. 

I did also earn a generous "voucher" (because of what I spent) so I might take that when I go down there on my birthday and use it on something, if I can find something I want. 

* I was working on the (seemingly endless) blanket this evening; I'm almost up to the point of another color shift (light to darker pink) so that feels like a bit of progress on that

But I also got to thinking - this is yarn I bought at JoAnn's. I bought lots of those "color shifting" cake yarns from there (I have a couple more blankets' worth...) but now that won't happen any more. And I was sad again. 

And yeah, sometimes I do wonder if everything that matters to me is going away. I know I'm weird and have weird interests and so it's not "profitable" to cater to me, but darn it, it would be NICE to get to keep a few stores that sell the things I like. 

* I was also thinking about the tempest in a teacup of right now: the "justify your job in five bullet point" email thing, and I find the existence of the whole thing upsetting on several levels:

- I am a rule follower, who wants to do things "right." I probably would have been one of the fools who set myself up by doing the response right away (even though several agencies basically told their employees "don't do it, this isn't legal, we are looking into what's going on"

- realizing that if I were someone that "leadership" wanted gone, I'd be gone. There's really no fairness or loyalty any more and you can't trust anyone. We're all really "at will" employees now (meaning at the will of our employer). So taking a lower paying job with the promise of job security is probably a foolish gamble.

- Once again, the things that I value are not things the world values; and the things I am good at are not things that have value in this world. And that's a very isolating and terrible feeling. All of what's going on makes me feel small and sand and reminds me I don't matter, and this world could squash me like a bug and I'd be gone and few people would even care. Not a good think the week of your birthday, but here we are.

* And yeah. I guess I'm still gonna try to go do something Thursday, even though I know going places By Yourself on your birthday is kind of odd and probably looks loserish to normal people, but I don't have anyone to go with me. So I'm going to go out to lunch and to the yarn shop and Michael's and perhaps the used book store that used to be in my town but moved to the greener pastures of Denison. And beyond that, I don't know. We have a job candidate in Friday and I volunteered to make one of the dishes for the potluck lunch, though I might make something that could pass a day in the fridge (doing it Wednesday evening) and then heat it up Friday morning)

I do wish I had more to look forward to on my birthday but adult birthdays are a cheat.