some human interactions

 ...thought not necessarily in the way I would ideally desire. Last weekend, our oldest AAUW member (she was 94) passed away after a short decline. I could not make it to her funeral tomorrow (classes) so I decided to go to the Family Time or Family Hour (up north, we called that "visitation"). Basically a time to meet with the family and friends of the deceased, and pay your respects. Usually in the evening, I suspect for people whose work schedules would keep them from the funeral. 

I don't love these, especially since I don't know many people in town (despite having lived here longer than I've lived anywhere) and I never know where to stand or what to say to people and I feel awkward. 

Also, now, these carry a real frisson for me; I've lost enough people and gone to enough of these. And I think of my mother, at 90, and how it won't be impossibly long before I'm probably one of the bereaved children at one of these (unless something terrible happens to me first, or unless something terrible happens to all of us - which, given geopolitics, seems less impossible than it did a few years back) 

The one tonight, also, was open casket. And fine, fine, if that's what the family needs for themselves, or if that's what the person wanted, but I admit to me - the person in the casket never looks like they did when they were alive (no matter what people might say) and I admit it makes me uncomfortable. (Most of the funerals/visitations I've been to have NOT been open casket. My dad was cremated, and I think that's also my mom's plan)

There were a FEW people I knew there - a couple people from my university who attend the same church as Mary Ann did, and a friend from church who had been her neighbor, and several of the AAUW members (I knew Mary Ann from AAUW). So I talked to a few people and signed the book and after about 25 minutes my friend Dana was leaving, so I left to. I don't think you're expected to stay the full time.

I mean, it's something I do out of obligation rather than joy (A lot of things I do these days...). I do it to honor the person who died, and maybe to be there for their family or the other folks there.  But I admit that when I remembered it early afternoon today when I was sitting in my office writing an exam, I groaned inwardly about having it to do (rather than just being able to come home and fix dinner and relax).

Also, as I was putting on my shoes to go, there was a knock on the door. I paused and froze. I never know to open or not - I've had too many pushy salespeople wanting my time, but this time I figured I could tell them I had to get to the funeral home. 

It wasn't a salesperson; it was two men, one standing back on the sidewalk, one on my porch. The one guy had a small card in his hand I knew what it was. He wanted to invite me to his church (one of the more fundamentalist Baptist  churches, I've driven by it). I told him, politely but truthfully that I "already had a church home" (that phrasing usually satisfies people) and he still offered me the card (which it was easier to take than refuse). I said that I was on my way out for a visitation but he kept talking - he asked "so, were you saved in the church here in town?" 

Okay, I admit this is not a phraseology I use. I don't know that many "Progressive" Christians think in terms of "Saved" as a one-and-done thing; I frankly see the faith journey (which I might be more prone to call it) as something you have to work on every day. You can't, I think, as a human, magically say the Sinner's Prayer and be good forever, and never hurt anyone or offend God again, I don't think humans work that way. But I also understand other people look at the thing differently so I just kind of chuckled and said "oh, no, I grew up in a church" and he commented - happily, I think - "Oh, so you've been Saved almost your entire life" and I said "I guess you could say that" as I walked to my car.

I admit I don't think it pays to be rude to the evangelists, even if I find it uncomfortable a bit, but I figure as a fellow Christian I can at least truthfully say that yes, I "have a church home" and as I said that usually satisfies the person. (I know some folks who are rude, and yes, that's their prerogative, but that's not me)

I would never go out door-knocking, I know people hate it, and what I feel more called to do is just.....to help. To give to or help out at a food bank, or to serve meals, things like that. I don't like trying to persuade people and I know I'm not that persuasive. And I prefer to have my actions speak rather than my words. 

But yeah, that was a lot of "peopling" for one night, and not exactly the fun kind, and tomorrow/this weekend I have a lot of grading....