and it hits

 So the guys came BACK. Their verdict was that the unit needed cleaning ("the guy yesterday didn't have a hose" which is frankly some horsefeathers right there) and a little more refrigerant.

I had high hopes because once they got done it quickly dropped from 83 to 81.

BUT NEVER HOPE, KIDS! it's been over an hour and it's still at 81. I'm going to let it run a while (it's set on 78) but as the evening cools if I don't see any decrease on the thermostat or either thermometer I have (bedroom is reading 82, living room, which is always hotter, reads 84) by the time the sun is down, I'm going to turn it off to avoid burning out the motor and use the window unit again. Or maybe I just do that ANYWAY. I'm tired and I hurt and if it takes six hours for it to drop to a comfortable temperature that'll be midnight, too late to sleep properly. 

I did reset it to 80, and it cut off! even though it still read 81. So either it was close or the thermostat's broken or, I don't know what. I may have to have the guys back out tomorrow.

I drove out for a "dirty" Coke (a treat, and also, I had a headache and thought the caffeine might help) and to get gas and run through the car wash (in hopes of coming home to a cooler house).

But then I got to thinking about all the OTHER things - the possible cost of buying a new unit, and my relative (an aunt, I think I can reveal that) with Alzheimer's, and another relative-by-marriage whose birth family is an absolute nightmare and they're being mistreated by them in some small but painful ways, and a friend of mine here, who I thought had a happy marriage, is divorcing, and come spring my department is going to have to scatter to different buildings when ours is taken totally offline to repair some things that were cheaped out on in the initial construction and it's going to be a giant nightmare for doing labs and also I will not SEE anybody because we'll all be somewhere else and I might as well be teaching online like I did in 2020.. And it's just still so hot outside and I'm tired and some of the technology didn't work well today and I don't know how to make it work, and I just sat down and started to cry. 

it's too much

and one of the worst things about being single and alone is there is NO ONE to reassure you, and I am currently unable to reassure myself, so I am just stuck in a funk where everything is terrible and I don't see it getting better. (This is something that 2020 took from me. In the before-times I could say "oh well, maybe it'll be better tomorrow" but more and more I think instead "holy cow, what worse thing is coming tomorrow" and it's NOT GREAT, BOB). 

I mean at this point having to get a new AC unit is the smallest worry; my mom's offered a loan or even outright gift to help pay, so it's just some logistical stupidity and annoyance and having to live with only the bedroom window unit for a while. NONE of the other things are remotely fixable, and a lot of them are human contrariness and selfishness and that will never be fixed. 

I know I'd feel more sanguine if it were 75 F in here instead of 81. And if I felt like the unit wasn't on its last legs.