yesterday was hard

 No post from then, because it was just go go go all day and I had AAUW in the evening and a couple bad things happened.

First up: I had to talk to a colleague about one of his advisees. This is someone who's taken one of my particular classes before (maybe even twice?) failed it because they just quit coming and didn't do MOST of the work (and then expected me to accept a bunch of make up work literally the day grades were due in, and I have a "no late work after I've handed back existing work" policy in that class and I am very clear about it)

It frustrates me because (a) it increases my DFW ratio (D/F/withdrawn) and the admin dislikes it when you have a lot of people failing. I DON'T, normally, because I make it clear to folks I have an open door policy if they want help and often I have gotten people to at least pull a C from a previously-failing grade with help, but also (b) because I feel like I work hard in that class and.....I know I shouldn't care more about it than the student does, but the way I'm made, I just DO care. So it bugs me.

And he looked at me, and said, "You know, you've come to me. And D. has come to me. And J. has come to me, and I've seen it when they were in my class. And S. came to me before he retired" (IOW: literally everyone in this particular concentration) "And they all have noted the same thing: this person doesn't seem to care. And I've talked with them! Just write them off, I told them they either need to work harder or change majors and they don't listen."

So, okay.

Though I will relate a dream I had a few nights back: that in addition to my teaching load I was also, for some reason, taking classes, including a French class and some kind of a math class (calc, maybe). And I persistently forgot I had the math class* and missed it and in the dream I realized I was like a month into the semester and had done no work in it and not even attended and would never catch up. And it stressed me out enough I woke up.

(*This is, you might guess, very unlike me in the real world)

Then after class - well, AAUW was having their salad supper that night and I needed something to bring. Absolutely did not have the energy for a salad (and I'll have to figure out something now for Monday, as CWF is doing that then). I decided that I could get some of those frozen mini quiches, they would be fast to fix, most people like them, and even if people brought salads with peanuts or celery in them there would be something I could eat that was like a main dish. 

Unfortunately, neither Pruett's nor Green Spray has them, so I had to go to Wal-mart. I waited until after the lunch hour was over, to try to avoid crowds. It seemed promising given that there were enough open spaces close to the store. And yeah, I got my stuff. Then I hit the checkout

And I'm not sure how to state this next part so I don't look like a monster for being discombobulated, but I was. So okay: Wal-mart here has recently hired a number of disabled folks. Good for them, right? Except I think wal-mart is doing it more for the good PR than to really help people. I suspect they are not making adequate accommodations. For one thing: the young woman using a wheelchair who was at the next checkstand, she had to be partially backed out into the lane where I was waiting to check out (not enough room for her chair). AND THEN I think she had needed a break and didn't get one because - well , the most polite way to say it is she lost control of her bladder. And it wound up on the floor. And it splashed onto my foot and sandal, I didn't realize what was happening until I felt it. I pushed down my surprise and discombobulation (because even in the moment I realized it was far more unpleasant for her than for me) and I helped the other checker hail a couple of other workers to help her (I thought at first she might have been ill or having a seizure - it was kind of warm in the store - because she had her head down, but I think she was just embarrassed, and that's understandable and I feel for her)

Anyway, I stood back until they helped her out, and then I paid for my stuff and left.

And as I was leaving? A woman almost fainted going in to the store. Luckily she was almost up to the door and had her son and daughter in law and what I assume was a granddaughter with her. She kind of went down onto her knees on the sidewalk. I stopped, because I wanted to be there in case more assistance was needed, but her son told her "I'll go get a wheelchair" and she said (she was alert by this point) "I'll be okay once I get in where it's cooler" (It was like 110F out at that point). No, I didn't offer to call an ambulance - I would have if they'd requested one, but here, ambulance rides are EXPENSIVE and I recognize that for many people, that would be a financial breakpoint.

but at any rate - that got sorted, I got back to my car, and I admit I melted down for a few moments after I got the car started and the AC running. Then I drove home and put the food away and washed my foot and sandal (yes, you read somewhere that "urine is sterile" except some new research shows that it isn't, always) and then came back here to work

And no, I didn't say anything to anyone at the wal-mart. My problem was small compared to the other person's. Yes, if a student had vomited or cut themselves in lab there are specific decontamination procedures I would have to follow. But because it's just me - well, i recognize my relative unimportance. And it's okay. I had other sandals to change into and hopefully by tomorrow the first pair will be dry. 

And then AAUW, and the meeting involved a slightly contentious issue regarding ANOTHER group we work with, and one person in that other group slightly overstepping their bounds and I sat there quietly chanting "not it, not it" in my head because I don't want to be asked to be the person to confront this person. So far, I'm not, I hope that continues.

Also, the meeting was at the house where the Christmas meeting last year was, where I got lost coming home and couldn't find my way because none of the outlying roads here have proper lighting (nor does her housing development) but this time I had Siri guide me home and I made it (also it was not too long after dusk when I left).

But it was kind of an unpleasant day over all.

****

I decided "A trip to JoAnn's would fix me*" and so I tentatively plan to do that tomorrow. No I should not be spending money except my mom did make a 'gift' to me to buy a new laptop (on the grounds that she paid for some summer camp admission for my niece and some other things) so I used that to pay the two bills I had (including the largest electricity bill I ever had, because of the absolutely monstrous heat this summer and I cannot sleep if I set the thermostat as high as 80 as all the 'smart" people recommend.

Anyway. Just being able to look at stuff, even if I don't buy anything might help. And there is a Best Buy near there so I can at least LOOK at laptops. And I have a $15 rebate card from Target I can put towards a few goodies there. (About six weeks ago they had a promotion where if you bought certain cleaning supplies - all things I needed ANYWAY)  you got the rebate card to use on later purchases. And I like the little tubes of apple/blueberry/sweet potato puree for my lunch, so I could get another box of those. 

(*no it probably won't but it might for a little while)