Wednesday afternoon things

 * I'm tired and I HURT. It's the peak of ragweed season here, and the dry conditions, wildfires in Louisiana, pollen, and just general heat/high pressure/humidity make me hurt and bothers my allergies. I would like to put my head down on the desk and have a little cry except I know that will only make my eyes hurt worse; crying during allergy season is painful

* I thought I was going to have to call one of the offices here on a student - they showed up to class twice and then sent a cryptic "I have a family emergency can I make up lab" and then never came back (and had kind of sort of made an appointment with me, which they missed) and in the course of looking up 'whom do I contact to ask to check up on them' I checked my roster and they had dropped class. Oh well.

* They've been extra insistent here about us monitoring attendance because of "ghost students." Not the fun kind of ghost like Scratch or maybe Sasappis but people who try to scam financial aid by fraudulently signing up for class. And you know? I get tired and angry at all the extra labor laid on every professor and several administrators by people who are frankly, criminals bent on defrauding an underfunded system and maybe cheating someone who is qualified and would do well out of a shot at financial aid.

I've lost MOST of what youthful idealism I had, but I can still get extremely angry at things like that - it's not fair and it's not right and it should not happen. 

I am also just generally irritable about extra "adminstrivia" tasks I have to do, whether it's someone else skiving off on a job, or, as here, having to do it to make sure there's not wrongdoing going on.

* I had to call a Large Knitting Concern today. Waaaaaaay back in August - even before my dryer issues started, when I actually thought (fool I was) the small raise I was getting might go towards a few fun things for me rather than just keeping everything from utterly falling apart, I ordered yarn for the Moon Moth sweater. Lovely, dk yarn in sort of a moonlight color and in a deep purple (it's colorwork, but not horrible colorwork)

The package shipped on August 23. 

And I kept checking USPS every day for its progress.

It's not moved since the 25th.

So, over the weekend, I e-mailed them. Didn't expect to hear back right away since it WAS Labor Day weekend.

E-mailed again this morning since it's been two days and I didn't get even a "we received your e-mail" response. Still nothing.

So this afternoon, I gathered my remaining emotional "spoons" and picked up my phone. Politely read off my order number to the person, explained the situation. "Oh, it's not been scanned," she said which made me feel hopeful but then "oh that's bad."

Apparently there is NO WAY OF KNOWING where my package is or if it even still exists. According to Pitney Bowes, she said, it was supposed to be here the 4th (of course it would not, that was Labor Day). But it might still be en route?

But she did say, if it's not here Friday, call back, we'll resend.

I hope they still have those colors in stock. If not? Maybe I take a refund and just.....don't plan on making that sweater for a while. 

It's just....I had to e-mail and ask about the Snag tights I had ordered early in August (they came, eventually) and I'm wondering, am I going to have to ask the sender about literally every package now? Everything feels very broken and I don't like that. And yes, it IS more work on a customer to have to do their own followup. 

Maybe I just don't mail order stuff. Which means I do without a lot of stuff because there's not much in my town, and not a whole lot more in Sherman, and the places that might have more choices are places too hard to get to. 

It's hard not to feel, some days, like everything is utterly falling apart.

* I KNOW my malaise is tied to several things:

- the weather conditions here. It's like a bad version of Groundhog Day, nothing ever changes, it's hot, humid, the very air is irritating

- I am having to save all my money for a new laptop (still no leads on where I could buy one, though) and maybe? A new dishwasher some day? Though I also have to get the windshield wiper squirters looked at on my car; they don't put out much fluid any more. And that will probably be expensive. And as I said: I just paid for the dryer fix, I just paid my homeowner's insurance, I just paid for new glasses, so I better push off the dishwasher for a few more months. (The laptop feels more urgent; if we get a bad COVID surge this winter and I have to tfh again, the old laptop won't withstand it, and it is very annoying to use the outboard keyboard). 

- so I can't go anywhere. I've not been outside of town in a long time and I feel trapped. Going to Sherman would just tempt me to spend money. Going hiking is impossible because I nearly croaked teaching lab outdoors for a half hour today. There's nothing else to do; I don't even know of any interesting museums within a short drive. 

And again, it doesn't help that the tv lineup for this fall looks absolutely putrid because the studios can't make new shows, because management and labor can't work something out and frankly I blame management for this one. 

* I need to figure out something nice and good and nutritious for dinner (which also should include some vegetables) and I am coming up empty on ideas. 

I really, really need it to rain and ideally be 20-30 degrees cooler.