that's a relief

 Sometimes I don't realize that I'm low-level dreading something and it makes me cranky and unhappy about the whole world until it's over. (Dental appointments are like this, but at least I recognize that I hate going to the dentist). 

I had to do a tree lab (tree sampling) with my students. We did tree identification last week, I had no other "indoor" labs to do, the weather was supposed to be good....and then I realized I hadn't requested a van, nor had I made plans to split up the class so I could take half of them this week, half in another week. This was like on Thursday, too late to make the arrangements.

Dangit. 

So I asked a colleague: hey, is it absolutely verboten to take people into the wooded area just east of the building? I know the university doesn't own it, but, will like the cops show up and harass us if we go on there?

And he said, "Well, I've taken students there with no problems, I think it's OK"

So I kind of filed that away, then it started raining out and I got busy with stuff and had one of those million-interruption days, and then realized yesterday: holy cow if I'm going to do the lab I planned, I better check the site out. So after lunch, I changed into jeans and an old t-shirt (you never know how dirty you might get) and figured out how to get up in there.

Part of the issue is that it's on a "residential" street that's narrow, has no sidewalks, has a couple blind curves, and most people drive too fast for conditions (faster than the 30 mph speed limit) on. But I got up in, and walked along, mentally cataloging what trees were there, thinking "this is not so bad"

And then I ran across....well, I'm still not sure if it's a 'party pad' (teenagers here do that; every field site I've ever used I've found lawnchairs and empty Keystone or wine-cooler bottles at) or if it was where a homeless person was living. I kind of suspected the latter as there were several lawn chairs and some large cardboard pieces that might be used for shelter or camouflage and there was a cooler.

And it made me anxious. Anxious for two reasons - first, I felt like I was intruding. But also, I was anxious about running across the person - would they be angry at me intruding, would they go defensive mode? So I noped out of there and then worried all afternoon.

I e-mailed the colleague and asked about it, looking for advice, and got a bit of a brush-off (or so it felt) to my concerns. So I felt really alone. I often feel really alone in things; one thing I think these past few years have done is burn out my ability to make decisions and be confident because there were enough times where I learned in retrospect that I got exposed, or something bad could have happened, and I wind up fearful and doubting. (And also: just worn out from having to negotiate life alone, having to make decisions based on very incomplete information)

And I thought: well, maybe I can just have them do the trees on the lawn?

But then we got out there and I looked at the group of 20 people, and he few widely spaced post oaks, and thought "screw it, if the guy is there and yells at us we're in a big group and we can just leave" or "screw it, if the owner shows up I can explain to him what's going on and if he doesn't like it we can leave" or "if the cops show up they can't arrest all of us"

But nothing happened. The students were fairly respectful of the "camp," avoiding walking through it. A couple expressed dismay at how few resources there are in town for people down on their luck (there really are few; the proposed shelter never got off the ground and I don't know that it will any time soon). 

We did spot a hole with ground-nesting hornets, but someone saw it and warned everyone before anyone got close enough to be stung. And we got some sort of data collected.

Next week's lab is a little more of a known quantity (we go to the local reservoir to collect herbaceous vegetation data; I just have to run out there this weekend to preview it). But I am relieved this one is done. (I almost feel like I need a 'treat,' but I don't know if I'll go get one or not - I'm trying to finish some grading before I head home)