peopling is hard

 Just been a hard week and I'm beginning to really realize that I guess I over-romanticized what it would be like being able to go out and interact with people again. I was never good at it and a lot of people are difficult. So I am lonesome but also my desire to avoid people has heightened.

First up: the delusional person. I tend to assume people are basically like me and basically have as good a grasp on reality as I do and that's not true in some cases. I guess I did the best I could, but....anyway, last night I did speak to the minister about it. I explained the situation and when I kind of wound down he nodded and said, "Yes, I'm aware of the issue, as is the person's spouse. This isn't a new thing; they have some dementia issues and also some mental-health issues. There is a doctor working with the person but the person won't always take the medications they've been prescribed."

So, I guess it's not a new situation (that was one of my worries) and also it's kind of common knowledge so I also didn't break the person's confidence (though perhaps sometimes you have to do that)  by telling the minister. Still, it's hard and sad and here's someone I am going to have some challenges relating to in the future and probably won't ever wind up a close friend of.

 I admit I irrationally worried I'd not be believed - once in the past about an unrelated and very different matter a person I took concerns to (about the matter) kind of brushed me off and said "oh, it's not so bad, you're imagining things" right up to the point where the bad thing I was trying to warn people about concerning the person happened in a very big and obvious way. I find that when I am hurt in some way by a person I just expect to be hurt in that same way by everyone, I guess.

Second: Again, an issue of "how much do I bend, vs. how much do I demand of other people." I've had a case recently of asking a person "Please don't talk about XYZ in that way around me, I find it offensive for these reasons." Note I didn't say "You can't talk about XYZ" or "Don't feel that way about the situation," I just said "please don't do this thing IN FRONT OF ME in this way, because that offends me"

They kept doing it. So now I have to decide: do I just limit contact with this person because they've demonstrated they don't care about my feelings, or they believe their right to say what they want to say is greater than my comfort?

A lot of times I've just shut up and swallowed my offense about things (e.g., someone making fat jokes around me when it's pretty damned clear I'm fat myself) but there are a few lines I really dislike people crossing, and will speak up. And if someone asked me to not talk about a certain thing, I'd do my best to honor it!

But again: a lot of times I feel like I'm being "told" my opinions matter less than those of other people, and that even somewhat reasonable requests should not be honored.

Third: Got a LOT of attitude off a lab student today. They did part of the lab wrong, they asked me to sign off on that part (we have to initial parts of the labs to make sure people did it; it's a small but annoying thing). I told them they did it incorrectly and they needed to redo it, and they weren't happy.

But: this is someone I SAW playing on their cell phone (I no longer possess the "spoons," emotionally speaking, to constantly call people out any more) during the pre-lab lecture, they were also ignoring me during the in-class lecture today when we covered some of the same material. Oh well. But I'm just tired of that - it's not MY fault they failed to follow instructions, it's not MY fault they skived off from paying attention and wound up not knowing what to do. 

Anyway, I'm putting this week in the "L" column; it was not a good week. Tomorrow I have the day off (Good Friday), my plans are to pack up more boxes and go to my long-neglected storage unit in the hopes of maybe hiring a carpenter soon - I have two more possible names. (The first guy fell through in a rather distressing way; the friend of mine recommending him, he is now suing their spouse's estate with what sounds like zero grounds, they think they are entitled to a large amount of money from the estate but they were apparently not in the will for that much and....it's just a giant mess and again this may be someone not entirely in touch with reality). I need to get the repairs done but the thought of calling people, and probably having to call them AGAIN and AGAIN if they don't do stuff when they say they will, and also just the having-strangers-in-my-house thing undoes me a little.