a busy week

 At least it's almost over, as I get Good Friday off.

* I am "serving" tonight at Maundy Thursday. None of the other elders wanted it. But I have a history of crying at these things, and I hope after the past 20 months it doesn't all hit me during this. I have a lot of readings to do from the Last Supper and similar. I like these services and feel they are important but I remember a couple years where it just did me in to have to pray at them. And I'm gonna have to have something thought out before hand; usually the prayers-at-table are fine to do off the cuff but I feel kind of like this is the "Big Dance," so to speak.

* I thought about doing something special for Easter dinner but I am unsure as to what. I don't think I want to go grocery shopping in Sherman - there is construction on the bridge I take over the Red River that has narrowed it and I dislike driving over bridges enough as it is. So I've got Pruett's and maybe wal-mart (I figure: I'm fully vaxxed, if I go VERY early in the morning before the annoying people are out it might be OK). There's nothing I know of in Atoka that's different (they have a Pruett's and a wal-mart) or I'd go up there. 

That's one of the things I find frustrating about here. Anything much that's more "special" than sort of a minimal level, you have to drive far for, and usually go to another state. 

I already had chicken this week (still have one thigh in the fridge to eat today or tomorrow) so that's kind of out, steak doesn't seem "right" for Easter, I generally don't eat ham, and the only way to get decent lamb would be to go to Sherman for it so I don't know. We used to have a meat market but it closed up shop. 

* Though also, I have that bit of tech-editing to do, and some grading, so I would rather not "waste" part of my weekend having to drive back and forth to another place.  Would much rather get the work done AND have time to put the bindings on my quilts.

* Two nights in a row of forcing myself to sleep on my side, two mornings in a row of not having back pain so I may have figured the issue out? The confounding factor is both Tuesday and yesterday I was on my feet a lot more, and usually I fare better, ache-wise, if I don't sit too much. But I'm hoping this is it - or that maybe I pulled a muscle in my back at some point and I just have to keep sleeping this way for a while until it fixes itself. There have been a few times I worked myself too hard recently and while I don't specifically remember tweaking my back, I have a history of lifting things too heavy for me, or almost-falling and twisting funny rather than just letting myself go limp and fall. 

I have been putting a small pillow (well, actually, one of the small Squishmallow toys I have, they are about the right size) between my knees because I've read that forces your hips into a more comfortable alignment and also it seems to force me not to flop over onto my stomach, which is my preferred sleeping position.

 Still, I do want to plan on getting a new mattress this summer; it's time. But I will need to clear things up in my room and make a good enough path for the delivery/removal people. (I am planning on getting another innerspring, I don't care what the foamcore fans say - I have heard those things outgass like whoa, and I have too many chemical sensitivities already. And I will definitely choose a place that will remove the old one for me over a place that does not; too much logistical effort to get rid of an old mattress these days.)

And I definitely want to go somewhere and spend a lot of time TESTING THEM OUT. A mattress is too big of an investment to just go "yeah I'll mail order something." And I'm going to one of the "legacy" furniture stores in town rather than one of the mushroom-like "outlet" places, because I want a good brand with a good history behind it. Even if I pay more. I feel like mattresses are one thing it's a good idea not to cheap out on.

* That tells me maybe I can dial back a little on the extreme calorie restriction? That while I still should drop the pandemic weight I put on, I don't need to do it NAOW by really depriving myself? I eat pretty healthfully (though I could work in more vegetables) 

* Though I can't tell you - if you haven't dealt with pain of this kind, or chronic pain - how nice it is to be able to move without pain. The back thing wasn't constant, and it mostly went away after a few minutes of being up and moving around, but it was like, if I bent to just the wrong angle (and literally, it was like 5 degrees of the total range that I can bend, so a very small fraction of it), I'd get an intense twinge where I suddenly felt like if I were carrying something I'd have to drop it. Not only is chronic pain distracting and annoying because it hurts, but for someone like me, someone who is fundamentally healthy, it's worrisome - I found myself wondering, "Could I already be getting osteoporosis? Is my spine collapsing?" or "could I have some undiagnosed cancer somewhere that's now eating into my bones, and this is how I will learn of it" (Unlikely, I think, given that getting up and moving around mostly eliminated the pain - much more likely it's either arthritis or simple muscle stiffness/cramp)