Yet another cluster

I don't know whether it's just big-box stores or commerce/capitalism in general that's breaking under the strain of this.

I forgot my phone so I couldn't do curbside pickup but just as well, I might still be sitting there. I masked up and went in, and stood and waited while the two customer service people each slowly processed a return.

Finally, one finished and I asked him, told him what I had ordered. He took a cursory glance and said "Did they say it was ready?" and I showed him the printout I made of the e-mail saying it was. So then he sent another guy to look. Finally, they found the thing (I was expecting to be told "oh, no, it's not in stock"). Guy set it on the counter but said "Wait, I don't know how to check this out, wait for the woman" So I did. She then took my receipt and disappeared for like ten minutes. FINALLY she came back out with paperwork for me to sign, and pushed the box (which I almost couldn't carry - not heavy but awkward) across the counter to me.

Walking out to the car, there was some guy walking close to me. I stopped to let him pass (I tend to be non confrontational but I'm not going to let some rando be within 6' of me) and then HE stopped and glared at me. I glared back, though I suspect the mask I had on diluted some of the effect.

But I loaded the stuff in my car and decided to buy some plants. I found more or less what I wanted - some lavender for the herb garden, and a couple little thyme plants, and I even bought a few tomatoes (it may be a little late to get them in, I don't know). Hanging baskets were not great, I have a pink callibrachoa and a yellow moss rose now - not the colors I wanted but oh well. (I don't know that any other garden centers in town are open, and Google keeps showing me pot shops when I try to look for garden centers). They had the gate closed and a sign on ANOTHER gate saying "don't come in this one" and I saw a man - not an employee, or so I thought - go in the unmarked gate. So I tried.

A worker ran at me and said NO YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE! NO!

and I said, "Where do I go to pay for plants?"

GO BACK IN THE STORE! OR WALK *THROUGH* THE STORE AND COME IN HERE THROUGH THE STORE ENTRANCE

which seems to me....less social distancey than just....letting a few people in through the gate so they can pay?

I also didn't appreciate the tone at all. The petty part of me that burns like a little hot coal in my soul said "Just abandon the damn cart. Go home without the plants. Let them put them back and realize that they lost a pretty good sized sale" but then I also figured "but you've already gone out and maybe been exposed to the virus while standing waiting for your string trimmer, just go pay in the store."

And I did, but it hurts my heart that MAYBE the last in-person interaction I will ever have (because who KNOWS what could happen) was that negative and if I die before getting a more positive in-person interaction I want special permission to go haunt that dude.

Anyway. I set the plants out back - will plant them this afternoon when it's a bit shadier back there - and hung up the hanging baskets. But I'm not happy, I have a whole darn final exam to type still today, have a lot of anxious e-mails from students where I have to breathe deeply and reach into my nearly nonexistent-by-now well of kindness and compassion and break off a little comfort and concern for them, and my store for myself gets ever smaller - and that's why I have a hard time coping some days; I empty out that well and really have no way of refilling it.

I also had to clean three piles of droppings  - probably from the orange tomcat that seems to have claimed my backyard, no, they weren't buried but some cats don't do that and I've never seen a dog in my back yard in the past several months - two of which were left in the garden where I was going to plant the tomatoes and I just feel very crapped on by life in general today :(