it's almost time

Honestly, the most likely (by far) outcome of my bloodwork is: everything is fine, keep doing what you are doing. My bloodwork was fine back in 2012 when I started with this doctor, and I ate a lot worse back then than I do now.

but still, I worry. I also worry about other things; I know too many people who thought they were fine until they were not, and that sometimes showed up as an unexpected blood result. (on the other hand: they've probably had my bloodwork for a few days and I didn't get any panicked calls about "can you come in right away" so....)

This is just who I am. I worry, and I blame myself for things like that - like, my blood pressure is too high because I'm bad at relaxing (when it's probably largely family history - literally everyone on my dad's side of the family, if they live to adulthood, they wind up with high blood pressure at some point). And with the medications and a reduced-sodium, reduced-sugar, lots-of-veggies diet, mine is under good control.

(Yes: there's weak evidence that too much sugar can raise blood pressure which is why I try to be careful about it)

I'm telling myself the big cons of this doctor visit are: you get weighed (I know more or less what my weight is, but there's so much judgement, especially for women, tied up to that number) and you MIGHT get counseled to change your diet even more. But the pro is: nothing invasive is going to be done to you. The doctor will at most listen to your heart and lungs and look in your ears. This is not like a gyn visit where you have to take deep breaths or a dentist visit that is even worse. And it will be over soon, and chances are you will be told "You are healthy, keep taking your meds, come back in six months." She'll probably compliment me on having the initiative to get a mammogram (and I know the results on that were normal, I've already got the call) and that I exercise. She might remind me that next year I need to arrange for colonoscopy (ugh) but I already know that. She might ask about the antihistamine nasal spray she gave me a sample of and I'll have to tell her that it meant Too Many Antihistamines and it affected my ability to concentrate, and right now I'm fine with just the pills...

(I have to do this, to script it out in my mind. I do not like going to the doctor which is why I didn't really go to one, other than my gyn, before I turned up with hypertension)

I have already promised myself - despite my usual limits on how I eat - that if everything is good, I AM getting a fancy cupcake from the natural-foods store when I go to Sherman today. (Plans are, if everything's good at the doctor, to run to the Ulta and the bookstore and the Target and JoAnn's and the natural foods store.)

Also if everything's good I'm taking tomorrow as a rest-day from exercise; I've gotten in 115 minutes of moderate-to-strenuous exercise this week (I don't know where what I do falls on the spectrum; it's more strenuous than walking is but it's not super hard) and I can catch up a remaining 30 or 35 minutes on Friday.

(And I found out yesterday that our pastor is better, he will be here Sunday, so no one has to prepare to stand in for him)