or something.
I need some reassurance. Am really struggling today. Both inside and outside.
"Outside" - humanity is incredibly awful and it seems all the awfulness is hitting the fan this fall, and I really wonder: am I a different species from the rest of the people around me? Because I can't fathom doing some of the things that are implied to have been done.
"Inside" - none of the people who had contracted to make up exams with me yesterday showed to do it, and now I'm left wondering - in the absence of ANY communication as to why - what to do. Part of me wants to be the hard-nose and say "Sorry, you missed the deadline, so you don't get to take the exam, and also, you have to understand: you cannot leave a professor hanging like that, wondering if you're going to show up." The other part of me lacks any energy to deal with the saddle-soreness and tears that will come from telling people no.
I'm so worn out and it rankles me to push so hard to be a responsible person when I wind up 'carrying' so many other people in addition to my own duties. And often the little things like grocery shopping and laundry and even just relaxation get shorted because I'm too busy with the "must do" things.
I'm running short on milk and home and am wondering if I can make time to go get more. That's how sad and awful my life is right now. (I suppose I pay the big bucks at the Green Spray for the convenience of not having to go to wal-mart.)
I need a minder or a Jeeves or someone to help me: so I could call them and go "I'm almost out of the organic skim milk I buy, please please please go get some for me." (The wal-mart here doesn't deliver. No one does. I guess if you're either ill or disabled you have to depend on the kindness of friends or starve).
I'd really like just to go back home and go back to bed but I can't do that. Confession: I was hoping some minor emergency (say, a campus-wide water outage) would close campus today in such a way that I had no choice to either go back home, or go to Sherman to do the grocery shopping I need to do some time. I don't see that happening, though.
I'm trying to avoid buying anything as a sop to my feelings: I had some big bills this fall for stuff, and I'm already worrying about pay cuts in the spring.
1 comment:
First - the outside stuff - I think a lot of us are feeling really down these days because of what is happening in our country. The lack of civility is so bad. And blaming others, not taking responsibility, and most of all lying is something that we have to live with more and more. That said, we all need to concentrate on those around us and try and stay positive. Your inside stuff has to be dealt with. Is there someone at the school - maybe in human affairs - that you can talk to? If not it might help to get outside help - it may be that your health insurance would pay for that. You also need to set down some rules for those who are taking advantage of you.
I have not been a teacher but my sister was one in a 2yr college and ran into many of these same problems. I hope things improve. And I love to read about your knitting projects - so interesting.
And one other thing - some friends of mine (older ladies) all dressed up as scientists for Halloween. I think I may do the same next year. Love the idea.
Post a Comment