Too many thoughts

There is too much going on in the world and too many bad things and I am alone a lot (I don't think I said more than seven words to another person today) and it's really getting to me.

First up: the thing living rent-free in my head that I have to figure out how to evict - a couple weeks ago I attended a Zoom meeting that had to do with some regional congregational matters, and one person (not someone I knew, and it was audio only, so I could not see his face) was talking about "ignoring the salvation gospel in favor of the social gospel" and complaining that there was not enough talk on the salvation.....and it bugged me a little. And the other day, I realized why: "this is just the old faith vs. works thing all over again" and that both "love God and love your neighbor" are co-equal commandments and the best way to love your neighbor, I think? A lot of it IS that "social gospel" stuff - feed the hungry. If you have medical training, work at a free clinic. Work to help people get housing. Try to alleviate misery in the world.

And it's related to a thing one of my friends talked about in Sunday School a couple weeks back - that she had gone to a funeral (in another Christian tradition than ours) and was put off by the fact that there was an "altar call" and basically the minister, instead of working to comfort the grieving or memorialize the person, was (as she put it) "trying to snatch souls from Hell, then and there" and we all agreed: not the time, not the place. And I know I'd be REALLY put off if I were at a loved-one's funeral and that happened.

(And now today, the claim that it's apparently now legal for pastors to tell us who to vote for from the pulpit, which NO NO NO and nothing is sacred any more, and leave us alone from campaigning when we're listening to a sermon!)

But also, the big news of the weekend, the greatly distressing news: the flash flood that killed somewhere over 100 people in Texas, many of them young women at a Christian camp. And it's just unimaginably bad - as it was first unfolding, I thought, "Well, maybe a lot of the 'missing' managed to get to higher ground" but no, it doesn't look like it. A couple were rescued (pulled alive out of trees they were clinging to) but far more lost their lives.  And yes, there's the usual round of "pass the blame" going on among officials and honestly I'd rather wait until all the people's bodies that can be recovered have been before we start on that. (But also: social media had some people who I assume were smugly in Blue states where flooding is uncommon basically saying "well they voted for this' because it's implied the cuts to NOAA contributed to the lack of warning. I blocked every single one I saw because what a sick attitude to take, we are a country losing its empathy on all sides).

Today, I got an e-mail from my denomination's disaster-relief arm. I guess they are taking a collection to help out (I will have to think if I can give; I have already started giving more to a worldwide disaster relief group I've supported for some 20 years, and have been giving to my state's Regional Food Bank in preparation for lots of people losing SNAP - it's not much, what little I can send, but it's something)

Anyway, they included a prayer and I liked it. I wish I had it yesterday. I was Presiding Elder and I didn't know what to say but had to say something and I admit at the end of the prayer I said something about "We don't understand why this happened" and kind of trailed off. (I am bad at theodicy). I don't know that it helped any.

But this is the prayer they offered: 

 God of Sleepless Nights and Anxious Days,

Our hearts break for our neighbors—the ones whose homes, loved ones, and lives have been destroyed by floods; the ones who fear deportation or imprisonment; the ones who tremble with uncertainty. We cannot know the whole story of any other person’s life, and we really cannot take in all the different experiences that knock on the doors of our empathy. Yet, the parts that we do know break our hearts sometimes. We plead with You, most Holy One, that You would not forget us or abandon us. We need Christmas in July: Emmanuel, God with us. God, be with us.

Amen.

 

But yes. There are very, very many heartbreaking things in the world right now and I confess I've stopped hoping for better days because right now they don't seem possible; at best, I hope to hold on through this. 

 

Part of it is once again it's been a couple difficult years - the injury in 2024, then having to be displaced out of the building for teaching this spring, and the hundred other little changes I've had to adjust to in life.