And it’s done

The memorial service was today. It was hard but not as hard as I had feared.
It was really long, though: we were supposed to be there around 12:30 (though I suspect the early time was one of those “tell chronically-over-optimistic-about-how-much-time-they-have people times” (so they won’t be late) and so there was a lot of waiting around. Once people arrived for the visitation, things got busy and I found my “role” in introducing people

I do much better in emotional situations if I can do something.

Anyway: introducing my relatives to people from church or the university. And the one former grad student of my dad’s- well, I felt a little sorry for Ed; he was there all alone and didn’t know anyone and seems to be, like me, uncomfortable “breaking into” an existing conversation so I introduced him to a couple of my dad’s former colleagues (it turns out he already knew one, slightly).

The service itself went well, I guess. The hymns and scripture passages were well-chosen.

I didn’t cry until the minister read a couple things my dad had written at some point-not too long before his death. And there were specific mentions of things my brother and I had done and how proud our dad was of us and well...that was one of the horrible things my brain did to me in the weeks after his death, wondering if he had been proud of me (as I have said, we were never a demonstrative family).

So I guess now I know.

But still, it was hard and tiring; the “family time” (to use the phrase common in my part of the world) started at one, the service was at two, and the “lunch” was not until nearly three.

And yes, again I’m reminded of the importance of that, especially when scattered family comes in for a funeral. It’s really too much to expect the “hometown” folks (very likely the most bereaved) to cook, and restaurants- there’s the effort of finding a place, and then choosing off a menu, and figuring out how the bill is split. (And the church had provided both a vegetarian and a gluten-free option - salads, but still, it worked)

But I’m not going to lie, I’m glad it’s over with.