T minus I don’t know what....

I am still the only arrival. My brother and family are due in around 11pm. I guess one aunt and uncle did find a hotel where their large and unwell dog is welcome. One of my dad’s first grad students is on his way.

I am not ready for this.
I

It is going to be A LOT of people, and in not the happiest circumstances.
I am holed up in “my” bedroom ) no I didn’t have to give it up) and I hope I can do that a little tomorrow because it is all a lot.

We went down to the church this evening with a box of photos and memorabilia because there is a table for them; I guess this is really happening. Though I am as apprehensive about having to talk to all these people, some of whom don’t get along, as I am about the memorial service. We are going to be there from before noon until about four pm, and that just seems really long to have to make nice and either listen to people or try to come up with things to say to people. I find I have felt much less like talking, of late.

I’m telling myself it’s just half a day out of my life, but it’s really more than that because there will be stuff afterward... until I go home Friday...

There have been other unpleasantnesses and disappointments these few days and again I am trying to think of something very nice and a little indulgent to buy for myself when this is all over but right now I cannot think of anything. (Well: several days in a nice hotel with room service and near nice but uncrowded museums and shopping, but I doubt that exists, especially this time of year.).

I may pretend to have a few short lived migraines these next few days just to have an excuse to be alone.