Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Looking for happy

* Yeah, my mom is okay. And perhaps the prednisone they gave her to counteract the reaction will ultimately get rid of the rest of the inflammation from the fall she took, I don't know.

(I have very vague childhood memories of a time my dad threw my brother and me in the back of the car, and drove my mom down to the ER in Akron (I think it was Akron)....she had been given a prescription for Tetracycline, which it turned out she was allergic to. It wasn't a BAD reaction, fortunately, but it was bad enough).

And yeah, I guess I've had reactions to things that I've been a little cavalier about myself - the reaction to the Bactrim where I got lots of hives and was also extremely agitated, but I never considered going to the ER because I wasn't having breathing problems. And I've had hives on my face but usually those were traceable to getting something that had celery or raw cucumber or cashews in it.

I worry more about other people than I do about myself, I guess.

* I'm just tired. Tuesdays often wind up being difficult days. I think part of that is because I think, "Oh, I don't have afternoon lab, so I will get lots of my own stuff done" and it seems then like always stuff conspires so I don't. And yesterday afternoon's meeting took about all the emotional energy I had.

Today, though, I don't have class until 11 so hopefully I can get through my list of things to do this morning. (Send off the announcement of the scholarship, type up some meeting minutes, work on my manuscript, and there's probably something I'm forgetting now).

* I think part of my distress is sometimes I feel not-listened-to. This is a real, extreme danger when you are an independent person who is normally good at getting stuff done - I can be going "Guys, I'm overwhelmed here" and everyone else is like "Oh, ha ha, you're such a kidder! You'll be FINE" and I'm then going "Guys, I feel like I'm drowning" and everyone else is like "Oh, we know you'll get it done!"

I don't know if I'm going to get it all done this time. Maybe that's what people around me need: for me to totally fail at completing something, as much as that would kill me, for them to realize that even I have my limits.

* I really want to get Raven finished. I added a few rounds to the sleeve last night but it seems like it goes very slowly.

* I was nominated for an "outstanding research/scholarly productivity award" on campus. But right now it's hard for me be happy about this because (a) I'm pretty sure I don't have a shot at winning, because I know there are people with better scholarly productivity than I have and (b) I will have to write up a one-page summary of what I have done for that, and that's just another thing and (c) I'm just feeling kind of tired and beaten-down.

The only reason I'm going to do b is that this is something students have to nominate you for, and my research student nominated me, and maybe, maybe I have just a tiny shot if some of the other higher-productivity people didn't get nominated, and anyway, I feel like if she bothered to do it I should at least try.

* I would like to do "better" grocery shopping this weekend but I don't know if I can make the time. What a drag it is to have to drive an hour's round trip for ANY shopping better than wal-mart. I am SO SICK of this. Our sad little downtown - there are at least eight or ten empty buildings now, as bad as when I moved here in 1999.

(One of the school districts in the next county over is closed today because of a water main break. I admit I said, "lucky kids" when I heard that on the news and thought how if that happened here, I know just what I'd do: I'd go grocery shopping in Sherman. That's kind of sad.)

* This is my birthday month. I already have plans the last Saturday (the 25th, I think it is) to go to Whitesboro and just spend the entire day on myself. (What a luxury). I would like to find other ways to enjoy this month but I fear until the manuscript is done and in and I'm more sure of the stuff for the Science Olympiad, I feel like I can't.

* And again: I have a small number of Pony valentine stickers; if you want one and don't know if I have your address, send me an e-mail and I will send you a Pony sticker. (And even as busy as I am, this is not a burden: I have stamps and I have envelopes and it will take me no time to do)

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