Planting the seeds

And I mean that literally, not figuratively. I decided this afternoon was the day to get my raised beds back in order and also maybe do something with one of the front gardens. I had seeds on hand - I found French fingerling bean seeds (my favorite bean ever) and also bought a bunch of flower seeds, both straight nasturtiums and then mixes of "wildflower" seeds (will have to be careful and pull out any baby's breath that's in them before it sets seed; it can be invasive).

So I went out after church and dug and pulled weeds and junk and cut a lot of little trees coming in (Wednesday is our monthly yard-waste pickup) and moved all the branches that had fallen over the winter to the curb.


I also dug up the soil for Monday's lab (the soil-critter "safari").

And then I planted the seeds. I have two raised beds that will have beans, one with nasturtiums, and I wanted to do one with basil....but had no basil seeds.

I decided to do that - do everything from seeds this year because (a) seeds are CHEAP (and given the need to make some "petty oeconomies" this year, a good idea) and (b) I've had such rotten success with tomatoes in recent years that it's not worth buying the plants - all too often, I am watching a tomato ripen, and then find out one morning it's gone (racoons or possums, I don't know which) or find it's been pecked by a bird and the ants have invaded it.

So rather than spending the equivalent of $6 per tomato (in plants, fertilizer, and water), I went with what I knew would grow well from seeds. (And basil isn't cheap at the store, either. And you can freeze pesto when you make it....)

I dumped a bunch of packets of "wildflower mix" seeds in the front gardens - including a little area right next to the new airconditioner where there used to be a privet bush.

Then I ran the soil over to the lab so I don't have to haul it tomorrow, and ran to the Lowe's for more seeds - basil (lemon and sweet, and yes, I've heard about the fungus affecting sweet basil and hope I can avoid it here) and also a bunch more of the wildflower mixes. My goal, if it works, is to have just a crazy mixed-up flower bed like the old "cottage gardens" that is thick with annuals.

I also found my sprayer for the hose, so I didn't have to buy a new one.  And the hose ALMOST stretches - I will only have to use a watering can for the little garden next to the air conditioner. (I only have one spigot on the house any more - the one over on that side was leaking badly so I just had the plumber cap it)

I'm glad I did it; I feel considerably easier in my soul now. (And this morning, another piece of sad news: one of the elders is having to resign because of a sad health problem that will get progressively worse. I feel sad because I think of this person as a friend and I feel bad for him and his family, but also, this makes making schedules more stressful. I am HOPING that they can persuade a couple more people to take up eldering this spring when we recruit the new class of people. It's hard to, and I understand why. But I also admit I would LOVE to give up being head elder, it's a source of stress in my life. I'd also love to go off the board and I think I HAVE to this next go-round (there are only so many times you can succeed yourself). I wish we had more people to carry some of the load....)

Also, something I will have to keep in mind going forward, depending on what happens with the congregation: we had a college student visit today and he wound up in my Sunday School class. After class, we all got to talking and he mentioned he had been raised in the Southern Baptist tradition because that was all his small town had, but then he observed that he'd visited a number of churches in town and while they were different, the differences didn't bother him and "Really, it's all about Jesus." And he's right. I think some of my distress over the "what if the local congregation folds" is that I have some of my identity tied up in being specifically Disciples of Christ...it's what I grew up in, it's what I'm used to. But there are other churches in town where I'd probably fit in, if it came to that. Oh, I'd miss some aspects of the DOC - the big thing being weekly communion. But he's right: it's really all about Jesus and I can have it be about that whether I'm a Methodist or an Episcopalian or whatever. If it comes to that.

I think the reason I feel "easier in my soul" is several-fold. For one thing, it's just physical work outdoors in the fresh air. It's exercise, and yes, I am counting it as my exercise for today. (And I exercised yesterday, so tomorrow gets to be a rest day, though I might mow the lawn if I get home early enough and it's not raining). Second, I had been concerned about getting the seeds in the ground before it got too hot, and this was a good time to do it - maybe even a LITTLE late for the beans, but it should be okay. But also there's the aspect of hope and thinking about the future and planning for the time when the flowers are blooming and pretty, and when I have fresh beans to eat, and maybe even trying nasturtiums for the first time. And also, I think it is something that feels productive and allows you to kind of not-think.

(And also: I'm even more convinced the last round of stomach issues was ANOTHER virus; I was able to lift and move 40 pound bags of soil and hoe with minimal pain, and I think if this were a hiatal hernia or something similarly serious I would notice discomfort or weakness while trying to do those things)

I remember a friend of mine (Dorothy) used to at least act aghast (I could not tell if she was joking or not; I have a hard time sometimes) that I did "physical labor" on the Sabbath. My response was that sometimes when I felt "stuck" I felt better after working in the garden, and that also I found it easier to pray, sometimes, while working in the garden. (And really, anyway, technically we're not "under the Law" the way they were back in the BC days, and really, I see gardening as a creative act, and I can't see it as "bad" to do on a Sunday. And I'm quiet about it - I don't edge on Sundays because I don't want to disturb my neighbors, but just about everything else I do is quiet.

I think what I MUST do from now on is budget time for things that are stress-reducing for me (like gardening). And I need to unplug more, not do stuff like obsessively read updates on what's going on in the Legislature and the like. I think I have the foolish idea that if I am somehow super-informed, I will somehow have control over what happens (or maybe, that I will be able to anticipate the hammer falling before it does). And that kind of thing just upsets me; I need to be better at just shrugging and going "I don't have control over this and what happens is what will happen." I mean, I have a savings account and I am taking some steps to increase my "indispensibility" or, God forbid, my "marketability" for a new job, but beyond that I can't do much. And thinking about it too much makes me sick - literally. I think the fact that I've had what are likely three separate viruses (GI, URI, and then another GI last week) is a sign I'm letting myself get too stressed.

So: I need to read ponyblogs more and commentary/news less. I need to make time to do things that are fun for me (gardening counts as fun, but it's really more than mere fun: in some ways, it helps restore my hope). I need to sleep enough. I need to read relaxing books - I restarted an odd old Golden Era mystery (J. Jeffery Farjeon's "Mystery in White") that I started a while back and pushed aside when work-reading seemed to take precedence. And I'm still working on Moby-Dick, am getting close to the end. ("Persuasion" may be the next "difficult" book I read - I think of the mysteries as my "bubblegum" books, and the classics I read as "difficult" even though some of them are not "difficult" in terms of language or syntax....)