I'm like this

 Or rather: why am I like this? 

 I mean, I have my suspicions - the way peers treated me when I was a kid, having grown up as the butt of jokes. So I *think* I want to be the center of attention but I HATE it when it happens.

Sunday, as is typical, a group of us went out to lunch after church. I was asked where I wanted to go, as it had been my birthday. I struggled to think of a place and chose one of the nicer Mexican places. I don't know that that was what I REALLY wanted, but I still wasn't feeling GREAT with the cold and figured I'd pick a place I knew most people would be happy with.

It was fine; I got the shrimp mini-quesadillas and they were really pretty good, and I tried an agua fresca (pineapple) and it was excellent (I had never had one before - they're basically a watered down juice, slightly sweetened, and often with lime or lemon added)

One of the women - call her C. - paid for my meal. I didn't know she was doing it (though I wouldn't have ordered differently) until I didn't get my ticket. I had THOUGHT I heard her whispering to the waiter and the words "birthday girl" but I didn't think anything much of it. 

I thanked her for getting my lunch for me.

Then I saw, out of the corner of my eye, the various servers converging on the table.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes. They had a big pink sombrero (like what a mariachi musician would wear) and were carrying a plate with a sopapilla with whipped cream and chocolate sauce and a lit candle. And they sang a birthday song. I had to wear the sombrero. C. got a picture. 

I wasn't smiling, and I regret that a little, but I was profoundly uncomfortable. I get that it was meant as a kind gesture, and I also get that "people in this part of the country tease you a little when they care about you" but I can't get used to it. I admit it's a failing in me, there, and it's dumb - I would like to be fussed over. Just not that publicly; it makes me feel silly. 

Steve, who was sitting across from me, commiserated - "I could see the look of dismay cross your face as soon as you saw what they were bringing out"

Like I said: I don't WANT to be a sourpuss about it; I want to be a good sport. But I think it does awaken some of the bad old "butt of jokes" memories from my time in grade school . 

The sad thing is, I don't know what kind of "center of attention" thing that could happen that I would like. 

 

Then again - C. was just maybe getting me back for the "Shady Pines, Ma!" joke I made at her some weeks back. And I genuinely think it's something SHE would have fully enjoyed if it happened to her, and didn't recognize that it might make me uncomfortable. (So that's why I am not going to say anything; it does feel a little poor-sport to complain about what was intended as a nice gesture).