change in plans

 I'm upset.

 So I had said: I have plans Friday, could we not have interviews that day?

 And after today's one: "Oh, we need to do the next three on the list"

 

and it turns out they are only free Friday.

I give exams all day tomorrow. Thursday I am tied up until AT LEAST 11 depending on when that interview is. 

Saturday is graduation

Sunday and Monday the yarn shop I wanted to go to is closed, and at that I am filling in for Meals on Wheels Monday. Tuesday I have to pack and take care of things before I leave town. 

Wednesday I leave town, and while, yes, the yarn shop is SORT OF on the way (but not really, and I don't know how to get back to the route I need to Mineola from there, and I also don't like to plan things like that where there's a tight schedule because WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS

 

So I guess I don't go. 

I'm mad and sad even as I am going "this is really a sign you have too much yarn and aren't allowed to have  more" 

It's more the: I would like to get out,somewhere that's not in town, somewhere that's not a FLYING trip where I have to hurry for other things. I had wanted to go before Christmas to see the decorations in the town. 

But no. I'm the good little donkey who works herself until she drops dead, who never takes time for fun or joy. And who doesn't even come home to someone who loves her and thinks she matters.

 

I'll get over it, I guess, but it's just another in a chain of disappointments. 

The only hope is if the interview on Thursday is early and I can leave here at 11. But I'm not counting on that. And I'm counting on something ELSE coming up, a student  missing and exam and DEMANDING the make up at a time I might have gone. 

And no, I don't think I can skip graduation (if I'd known, I'd have signed up for the Friday evening graduate one, but I don't know anyone graduating in that group). And it'll doubtless last until noon

 

It's an hour down to the yarn shop AT LEAST. And I don't want to drive back as it's getting dark (5 pm-ish) because I see BADLY after dark. And I hate being rushed. I just wanted a day, ONE DAY one stupid stinking day to do what I wanted and run around and shop

(When I get up to my mom's it looks like it will be icy, so: stuck at her house. I better bring extra projects, I guess)

 

Anyway, I feel cheated. Again, I know I buy way too much into fairy-tale logic that if you're a good and kind person you will be rewarded. Universe don't work like that, if you're a good and kind person you get taken advantage of and sometimes mocked and sometimes beaten down for it and I'm stupid to be that way but I can't be otherwise. 

 

so okay FINE I guess I wait until, who knows when, to go. 

And I'd say "well, when I retire I'll do all this stuff" but I half expect we'll either be in Great Depression II by then, or some kind of global war, and I'll be struggling to stay alive, let alone have any enjoyment at all.

 

I'm just mad and frustrated at how I can't plan ANYTHING in my life without having it changed.