A couple things

 * I finally finished the first "Alive" (so named because of the yarn colorway; I guess it's greens and pastels like spring flowers) mitt

This is a dk weight yarn knit to a gauge you'd normally do with a sockweight yarn (knit on size 1 needles). DK stands for "double knitting" and traditionally it's double the thickness of "fingering" or sockweight yarn.

I was afraid it would be hard and stiff to knit, but it really wasn't, and it makes a very nice fabric: firm and dense but still flexible. It feels "beefy" in a good way, like they will be warm

  

I cast on for the second one but got just the first couple rows of the ribbing done. 

* I set up for the first site's worth of carbon content ("loss on ignition") testing; I have to turn on the muffle furnace tomorrow early because it needs to run 8 hours and even though it's in an outbuilding and there's never been an issue before, I want to mostly be there to keep an eye on things because something that reaches an interior temperature of 600 C is not something you want to leave unattended.

I also got the first six samples scored (of 36) but it's likely these were the easiest as they were from the wettest soil and it seemed when I was doing the extractions there was far less stuff in them. At least scoring the samples is a lot less messy than the float-extraction process, and there's always the chance of spotting something cool. (I saw a couple diplurans in one sample today). 

 * I saw in the news about the fire in the Grand Canyon and the burning-down of the lodge. I had to look it up, but yeah: I had been there. In 1995, as I remember it, I had a conference in I think it was Snowbird, and my parents came with me and we made a road trip of it (back then, my parents were still teaching a National Parks course, and my dad always liked getting new slides and new material). 

We stayed in cabins near the lodge - cheaper, for one reason. They were nice, as a remember. No tv of course and I don't think they had AC, but up in the mountains, it does get cool enough at night (the North Rim is a LOT cooler than the South, because it's a higher elevation, as I remember). I think we ate breakfast and maybe lunch one day in the lodge restaurant.

So it makes me profoundly sad that the lodge is gone. The cabins we rented - which were a short walk from the lodge - are almost certainly gone, too. 

Up at my mom's house is a stuffed toy Kaibab squirrel I bought as a souvenir; perhaps I should retrieve it next time I'm up there. 

I hope the REAL Kaibab squirrels are okay; as I remember they are an endemic species (found nowhere else; they evolved there). And yes, one early morning when we were there I got up early and dressed and went out quietly and got to see one from a distance.

I don't know. This just feels like another bad change in a couple years that's been full of them. It's the same kind of feeling I had when I learned JoAnn's was closing down - one less place that mattered to me in the world. And I do worry about the future of the National Parks with the combined budget-slashing and "must privatize so one of us can profit from it" mindset.

I feel some days like there are too few things binding me to this life and once my mom's gone I won't really have much left. (I am not....that....close with my other remaining relatives). 

* I am also thinking, perhaps a bit obsessively, about an offhand comment someone I know made, in reference to someone who is going to be evicted from their apartment* and they have a large dog that is their emotional support, and she was worrying what would happen to the person if they had to give up their dog. And she commented: "Everyone needs something to love" and that made my stomach lurch a little. 

Like I said: I'm not that close with family other than my mom; everyone else seems to have their own lives with their own families and circles, in some cases I very much do not fit in (think: social standing and economic class), and there are also a few political disagreements here and there. 

And I don't have a partner or kids, and most of my friends are both older and have families and issues of their own......and so someday I may wind up very alone indeed, and I'm not sure how I would get along without "something to love" because no job loves you back, and that includes volunteer work and even really hobbies. 

And it does scare me a little, having learned a bit of the dark places my mind can go as it did during 2020 when I was effectively stuck in my house for weeks on end with no real contact and maybe only a trip to the grocery once every 10 days or so. 

So I don't know. I definitely have to find a "substitute love" but I'm not sure how. (And no: dating apps are not the answer, trust me.)

(Though I do wonder if staying really busy with work/volunteer work after I retire could help;I suppose through volunteer work you have at least friendly CONTACT with people, if they're not friends in the sense of "hey let's go out to lunch" or something. )

* but it really is hard some days not to look around and feel like everything is rapidly getting worse and there are really no "consolations" in the sense of good new things to replace what's being lost. I am trying more of a "make your own interest" type project - last week it was the museum; if I get enough done on research this week I might run out to the old fort on the way to Madill after I get done with a little volunteer work I have Friday morning. 

Maybe you really do have to, like a shark, just keep swimming or you die (though I've also heard that's not actually true of sharks). But I know if I'm still and in my head too long, things get bad. It never used to be that way before 2020, but oh well, that's life now.