Slowly picking away

 Adding a few more rounds to the current socks. Watching Midsomer Murders - even though it's a part II and I've not seen Part I of this one - because there's no So Help Me Todd on, rather some football awards thing (as if there isn't enough football leading up to this Sunday)

Today was long and I lost my composure a bit. First thing in the morning, there was an e-mail from my underprepared student concerning a big assignment that's due tomorrow. They didn't know about it, they didn't know how to do it, could I explain?

I basically sent the links to the thing I had about it on the LMS but I am done with this person. This is also someone who may have given me an excuse that was a lie (actually, it's pretty likely that they did, based on what a colleague said). They've been reported and it's said they're going to get "help and support," and dandy, I guess, but I've been laboring on here for a month on a painful knee with only a campus handicapped parking sticker (which I had to request papers for and go and pick up myself) and I swear by that's holy if I DO have to have surgery I am calling ALL THE OFFICES and requesting ALL THE ACCOMMODATIONS.

a lot of time workplaces like campuses forget their employees are going through a lot and we're just expected to deal with things unsupported.

Then I had to make an MRI appointment after several calls from the scheduling place at the hospital. And was told they can ONLY send the results to one doctor, (not both my regular doctor and the orthopod) without me doing more paperwork and this seems so silly. Why is there always more paperwork? Why, when someone's injured and tired and still in, admittedly, a little pain and also a lot of worry, that they have to jump through more hoops? So I'm having them sent to my regular doctor and WHATEVER.

The MRI is after I see the orthopod anyway and I'm holding out a vain hope he'll look me over and go "yeah, I don't think you need an MRI, this seems to be healing okay, go do PT" but I have no idea how likely that is. 

Also, we have to do a minimum of five hours of training for a new interface for certain things (like advisement) and where on earth do I FIND five hours? 

And all these things hit simultaneously - the "registration" for the training and the call about "hey you need to schedule an MRI and then a colleague came in about the problem student and wanted the e-mail where they probably lied to me and I just kind of melted down for a few minutes.

I feel better now but I do have points where I just get tired and frustrated and I dearly HOPE this is part of the healing process.

As I said: I really don't want surgery. But if how I am right now is the best of how I would be it without it? I probably have to do it - though if it doesn't work out (sometimes knee surgery goes wrong; my dad's did) and I'm crippled worse? I'll just have to quit and probably move and ARGH. 

I mean, today was my best day for mobility since I did this injury and the gentle compression sleeve is SO MUCH BETTER than the bulky brace, and I hurt far less this evening and I can get in and out of my car easier - still, there are still things that hurt. I'm not sure I can tackle a full set of stairs yet. It hurts to slam on the brakes (which I have to do; lots of bad drivers here) and I do get tired after standing for a while and need to sit down.

I'm telling myself I'm impatient; it's been not quite a month and some sprains take six weeks to heal and I am a great deal better than I was before. But I won't be fully happy until/unless I hear the words "go do PT and we can release you from treatment" instead of being told to have surgery. 

I wish I could put it out of my mind but that's always been hard for me to do, put bad things out of my mind, and it's worse when I'm so damned ALONE all the time. 

I'm hoping I begin sleeping better at some point; it's still hard to sleep comfortably in the positions I prefer to sleep in, and I worry about tweaking the knee again.