up to ribbing

 I finished the charts on the cowl, now all that remains is 10 rounds of 2x1 ribbing and it's finished.

I will probably block it at my mother's.

I haven't 100% decided whether my niece will get this, or my sister in law. I originally bought a ballcap with an embroidered monarch butterfly for my sister in law but now I'm wondering if my niece might enjoy that more. (I hate for this amount of work to go underappreciated). I can ask my mom when I'm up there (I get there several days before my brother's family) and decide from there. 

Other than that, it was just a hard day in several ways. I did get out and get the next-to-last set of litter bags but it was just problem after problem getting things together, and getting out there, and it reached the point where I was wondering "is this a bad omen, am I being told something bad will happen out there?" (I always worry about going to the field alone; especially there where it's lake access and all kinds of people can and do show up. 95% of them are fine (I met up with a guy today walking down to the lake, he was just curious what I was doing and asked me if I taught at the university when I explained) but there's that 5% you have to look out for). And other things, just feeling a little underappreciated and like I am just constantly being asked (mainly by students) to do stuff, and I get tons of very presumptuous ed-tech company spam (seriously: DO NOT "remind" someone four separate times to take your spammy "survey" about a product they actually don't want to use and yes I know I can "block sender" but it's hard to remember how to but also I feel as if I should not have to do that. Like, the company should know if you don't respond to the first survey, don't send reminders.)

At least this time Friday evening I should be on a train headed north for a few days off. I'm tired and I can tell I'm worn - lots of things put me on the verge of tears, either sentimental tears (yeah they're already running Christmas ads) or frustrated tears (being asked to do stuff when I'm already too busy) or .... I don't know, dissatisfied tears? Seeing people who are happily coupled doing their happily coupled things and realizing there's really no path for me to have "fun" in the way the "fun" things adults go out and do, and I always have to do stuff alone and even though I know people don't notice me alone (to the point where, like, I nearly have people run into me), I also feel at the same time like I stick out like the proverbial sore thumb. Just, having one of those "I don't feel at home anywhere" times right now.

Part of this is just being overscheduled right now, but.

I hope I finish the cowl tomorrow (I am considering bailing early on the day - yes, there's a video interview tomorrow afternoon but I can do that from home) and then working on something more selfish for me? (Except I still need to make the hot mats for the AAUW gift - though at least that would be something different, something not-cowl, seeing as I've worked exclusively (or very nearly so) on this thing for what feels like weeks and weeks and weeks.