* Chuck, I never explained what EPL was (BTW is by the way, and that does mean "fun comes last" and Duolingo used to give me that sentence regularly when I was an early German learner, and it always frustrated me because I KNOW FUN COMES LAST)
EPL is my abbreviation for "Environmental Policy and Law," one of the classes I inherited after someone retired. It's basically the major environmental acts of the US government in the last 100+ years, and also the history leading up to those. And I do review a bit of "civics" stuff like how bills (ideally) become laws (and hoo boy have I got cynical about how government works in the past few years).
It's kind of wild to me because I lived a lot of this - or at least, it was happening and in the news when I was a kid, and because my dad was a geologist, I heard some about the things from him. And I also remember stuff like the concerns about PCBs in the Great Lakes, and Love Canal, and I had a science teacher in like second grade who told us it was likely the bald eagle would be extinct by the time we hit 40 (luckily, they were wrong).
* I'm glad the week is over. Tonight I need to finish piano practice and do my stretching exercises and wash my hair, and tomorrow I am going to put up the Christmas tree. Yes, it's early, but I will be traveling next week and also I need a little cheer and also that's why I cleaned house Tuesday; so the clutter was picked up enough I could do that. Heck, if I feel up to it I might erect the tree tonight and put the lights on, and then do the ornaments tomorrow.
And I might make time to run to a couple of the downtown shops, for just a couple tiny additional gifts if I see anything. Afternoons next week are entirely spoken for; we're doing Zoom interviews for job candidates.
(I am also begging off of CWF this month; I don't want two early -evening back to back meetings; I may just say the interview "might" run long (it could) and leave it at that)
* A little frustrated with my family; I got a pattern e-mailed to me last night by my sister in law with the note that my niece would like one for Christmas. Well, first of all, I have another project underway. Second of all, it's an OLD pattern that calls for something that's no longer readily available and I'd have to sub, and the type of yarn it calls for seems wrong given the pattern (it is a scanned newspaper clipping). At any rate: I'm not doing it.
I am hoping that does not lead to Disappointment! and Consternation! because sometimes those things do, but I'm gonna finish the cowl for her and give her that and also the wildlife identification books I bought for her and any other little things I may find if I can get out and do a bit of fun shopping before I see them.
But yes. I spend a lot of time trying very hard not to disappoint people, and worrying that I am disappointing them, and not talking about it to them when I am disappointed.
I admit I don't always enjoy the "gift registry" way of doing things, where you're not free to choose something yourself. Oh, I abide by it for weddings and baby gifts but I've also seen people do it, like, for their kids' or even their own birthdays. And I always wonder if I go "off script" and get something else, will they be really disappointed?
But also: this is not enough lead time to ask me to start making something from scratch. (Non knitters, non quilters, non crocheters often have no concept of how long things take, and also NO ONE seems to have any concept these days of how busy at work/exhausted after work I am)
* I dunno. Holidays as an adult are markedly worse than holidays as a kid and...... well, I don't know where I'm going with that, but I probably need to find some way for the future of how to make solo holidays okay. I'm not into traveling; I never wanted to do the "go stay in a hotel and eat restaurant food over Christmas" thing (and any more, that kind of thing, for it to be other than kind of "meh," it costs the absolute MOON and even if I saved up for it I'd be in a milieu of people far wealthier than I am and I'd very much feel out of place).
And not having a partner or even a boyfriend or even any particularly close uncoupled friends, doing an "alternative" holiday plan doesn't work. And I know a lot of long-term singles get told stuff like "go volunteer at a soup kitchen, you'll feel better about your life" except (a) soup kitchens often have to turn away volunteers on holidays, (b) working alongside sullen teens dragged there by their families (as sometimes happens) is not a mood-lifter and (c) why should I always have to be the one to be "of service," that is not that different from the spinster aunts of years ago being saddled with all the cooking and cleaning for families.
* A lot of this thinking is kind of inspired by the New Yorker "comedy" story about the Thanksgiving Rider (might require a subscription?). I don't find the story particularly funny (it is intended as humor but I don't find a lot of those barbed stories like that very funny). But it is a little sad (and even given exaggeration - I do not drink) But yes, I do feel the sort of "you feel less-than when you look at where other people are in their lives if you're still single and you're kind of just scraping by and other folks at least give the appearance of being happily-coupled and prosperous" and I know in some cases the people I'm looking at probably are not, but......a few weeks back my old prep school* sent out a "50 years of remarkable women" thing where they profiled (I think, I did not look closely) one woman from each graduating class since the school went co-ed, and.....hoo boy. I have done NOTHING compared to those folks. My mom was kind enough to say "you still look a lot younger than she does" about the person from my class but......well, she's also a lot better known, and has a spouse and kids, and has done a lot more than I did, and has more money. And yes, I know, comparison is the thief of joy, but.....it's hard not to when you're on a different path but not a WILDLY different one and some of the things you are are not things you might have chosen for yourself....
(*and yes, I suppose I can't REALLY cry poor, except these days there's much much less money at the end of each month than there once was)
* Anyway, I pity-ordered a couple tiny (supposedly vintage 70s) felt caroler ornaments from an Etsy seller today. I've been doing that over the past however many years; buying ornaments specifically from or "feeling like" the Christmases of my childhood because....I don't know, I guess even though you can't really go home again, a lot of us try.
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