feeling Big Mad

 So okay, I had the shot appointment today. I was told my insurance would pay, when I entered my insurance in the portal nothing said "oh hey we don't contract with them"

So I thought everything was cool. Also the place I might have gone? Finally said "We don't know when we'll have it, sorry"

So I went out to the (chain pharmacy). Walked in, told them my info. First guy walked off, a woman came over. "Oh, we're going to have to have you pay. It will be $190."

My eyes kind of bugged out of my head. 'I was told," I said, "that my insurance covered it"

"Oh, that's Moderna," she said. "If you can find someone who has it, you can get that for free, but we don't contract with your insurer and all we have is Pfizer"

Okay, fine. I had Pfizer before, I kind of knew what kind of after effects to expect, I didn't feel like going on a Flying Dutchman search for another place in town that MIGHT have the vaccine (this was the only place listed as having it). 

So I asked, "What about the Bridge program, will they give me a discount? It's for the uninsured, but seeing as as far as this vaccine goes, I am functionally uninsured...." 

She checked. No, of course not. 

And I kind of grumbled, but said "okay, fine. I worked up my courage to get the shot, if I leave and have to go somewhere else it might be harder for me to do it" I have BAD shot anxiety, and so it's a big fat deal for me to go in and get one.

And then she handed me a clipboard. "Wait," I said "I filled all this stuff out online, I remember all these questions."

"Well, when it kicked your 'script out, it lost that information. Fill out the forms. Oh, and we'll have to hang on to your credit card for a bit"

(Uh-huh. And I am CHECKING THE STATEMENT CLOSELY when it comes in)

Then I waited about 20 minutes after giving over the paperwork (and then being handed back my card). Then I paid. Yup, $190.90.

So it'll be January, maybe, when I can afford a new dishwasher. Oh well,  I've done without one more than 2 years now.

Then I waited more. And the CVS smells bad. They have carpeting - why do stores have carpeting? It's a bad choice - and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned in forever; there was kind of a sour-milk smell in the store.

Finally the woman came out and gave me the shot and WHOA it hurt. Like, hurt worse than any jab I've had recently. 

But yeah. Everything's a mess. I mean, I guess I'm lucky I got the shot, I've heard of people being turned away from appointments because it either didn't come in or it ran out. (And apparently in the UK, unless you're old or very sick otherwise, you can't get it at all). But it's still a mess. And it feels like an insult that the shot hurt so much on top of everything else.

And yes, I called my insurer to ask, in the hopes of there being some rebate. But nope, they said "it's not deemed medically necessary for you, why didn't you go looking for the Moderna, we might have covered that"

Because, my pharmacy doesn't have it in? And Walgreens seemed not to, based on its webpage? And anyway, last time I tried getting a vaccine there they had no one qualified to give it present? 

Anyway. I am just tired. I am tired of how often these days trying to do the "right" thing means you pay extra and deal with extra effort and pain and there's really no thanks. I mean, yeah, it'll be worth it if I can avoid COVID, but.....it also rankles that they'd rather me wait and have to risk getting covid and maybe long covid (because I have already had multiple students out with it) than pay for a stupid shot. 

If this were pre-home renovation, I wouldn't have blinked, but I have literally no savings left, and I have to make every month's paycheck stretch AND ideally try to build my savings back up, and so far I have not been able to put ANYTHING away in savings, between car repairs and dryer repairs and needing new eyeglasses and needing a new laptop. 

I'm just griping. I can afford the shot. Not comfortably, I'll have to not spend any "frivolous" money this month (and maybe make at least some of my Christmas gifts from yarn or fabric I already have) but....it just felt like there was a lot of curtness and very little compassion. Everything any more feels like it's all curtness and no compassion. I try to show compassion but......it's hard when you don't get it reciprocated, it's hard never really feeling heard.