some dumb things

 * I got my new mouthguard today (this is because I apparently grind my teeth in my sleep; I broke two about 10 years ago, the points on my molars are all worn down according to the hygienists at the dentist). It's different. It's for the top teeth - the one I had before was for the bottom ones and at first I resisted and I admit I freaked out a tiny bit (more on that later) because I have like four crowns on the top teeth and the thought of hauling and scraping that thing over them every night and off in the morning made me think "oh great I'll break a crown and then have to have a lot more work done" and for a moment I thought I'd have to resist and demand a bottom jaw one and pay another $600 to get it remade, but it turns out it's a softer plastic - so less likely to damage, and also easier to get in. 

* But yeah, I was weirdly anxious going in; I don't know why. I slept badly last night (loud fireworks until about 1 am) and I also did a lot of work today and I guess I got myself wound up? And it was also very humid though not hot, and sometimes when my asthma is bothering me, I interpret it as "anxiety"

And I just don't like the dentist, even though this wasn't a checkup, and actually the appointment took barely 10 minutes to check the mouthguard. But it was weird. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

* My most recent Doki Doki crate came today - a small desk sized trash can (might put it in my sewing room for thread scraps), a cooling eye pillow, a tiny notebook, a hairbrush (which I might find someone else to pass it on to; it's small and has those plastic bristles that aren't great for my hair and I already have several hairbrushes)

And this. A tiny stuffed cow, and as is very common in Japanese stuffed toys, there's an embroidered asterisk where the anus goes. No, I don't get it either; it's a cultural thing (I understand some areas of Germany are similarly obsessed with butts, though more usually butt cheeks)

* Still reading on "Wives and Daughters," am perhaps halfway (including the denouement that was written by someone else, because Mrs. Gaskill died before she could finish it). I admit I'm slowing down because the potential death of a sympathetic character is being vaguely telegraphed and I admit I don't like that.

I was also casting about looking for just something with a storyline to watch on tv tonight to distract myself from everything, and hit on some show I've seen bits of a few times; it's about a firehouse and its crew in Chicago, I think it is (even though one of the guys on there sounds more "Southie" Boston to me). But I had to nope out - and watch a Bob's Burgers I'd seen about 18 times before - because one of the plotlines was a guy whose wife was dying of cancer and....even though I don't know anyone currently with cancer, still, it's hard and rocky to watch. 

(At least tomorrow should have some more-comic shows; I need things that are funnier. I need storylines but I also need *lightness*)

There was some discussion elsewhere about the idea that wanting that "lightness" is somehow "weak," tough I think some people were conflating people wanting SOME entertainment to be light and fluffy with other people believing it ALL should be, and while I don't think it all has to be light and fluffy - well, the "grimdark," or the "gritty reboots" or the "painful AUs" get on my nerves. Day to day life can be hard enough and sometimes you want an escape; you want to believe that there's a possibility for things to be better. (And I also want to believe there's a possibility for *people* to be better and kinder, even if every bit of evidence seems to point in the other direction). I don't know.

I don't even need for it to be light all the way through! As long as it ends with good beating evil, with love winning out over hate, that's enough, I can slog along through the long journey or the battles or even, yes, losing sympathetic characters who probably shouldn't have died. But I need that hope at the end! And it seems sometimes that doesn't happen - not in books, certainly not in real life.

(One of these days I need to give a try at restarting Lord of the Rings. I bogged down during the battles in the middle of the second book, but maybe this time? I have a nice boxset I got from the local used-book place with credits for books I didn't want any more....)