week is done

 * This was a long week, but at least I got a lot done. I wrote a couple exams (one for Monday, one for this coming Thursday) and finished a big section of systematic botany stuff and almost finished (except for examples from one family) another. 

* So I am taking tomorrow off. I have to be careful about money for a while (paid all the bills for the first half of next month but once I get paid I need to pay my income tax bill and at some point I need to think about new tires). I do need to go to Ulta - I ordered some things back in February, and UPS messed up and I had to get a refund (UPS got the package as far as my town and then turned around and sent it back to Ulta's warehouse?). So I think I'd rather just buy stuff in person now, the delivery services other than USPS are bad here. I also just need to get out of town. So I might go there, and I have a couple things I need from Target, and I might run to downtown Denison to one or two of the shops - nothing I need but just the feeling of being IN them will be nice.410 Collective, which is a place I just like to walk into and walk around in (and sometimes they have nice candles or nice soap) is still there, and I might just stop in the quilt shop to say hi. 

I also want to go to the natural-foods store. And I need more milk and fresh fruit/veg and that kind of thing.

I'm surprised now at how much I look forward to just getting out to a different GROCERY store than the ones I normally shop at. My town is the biggest town in the whole southern part of my state; the next biggest town here is an hour away (Ardmore) and Sherman is a half-hour away. So it's not like driving the 10-15 minutes to the next town would get me anything different from what I have here.

 (And also not to harp on it again - though non-OK residents might not be aware - a lot of our towns are just husks now, not even a proper grocery. But tons of pot dispensaries and I doubt that more than 10% of the population has a card/use them regularly so I am guessing a lot are money-laundering fronts. In my town we have still at least 20 (at one point it was closer to 30, if you counted the ones on the very outskirts). To me, it's a little distressing to have so few things for someone like me and then.....three dispensaries in a single block. It feels to me like "no one cares about you and your wants/needs" and while that's not REALLY true, it also kind of is.)

* Though I will say, despite all my complaints about the town, and the poor leadership at the legislative level, and all the challenges (mostly budget related) at my university, my department has one giant strength I probably take for granted more than I should. My newest colleague (who came in fall 2020, and she got a baptism by fire for sure) and I were talking today and she again noted how much more collegial and just....friendly....in terms of basic human kindness this department is. Like, when one of her kids was seriously ill, people asked about them and checked up on her and people were willing to take on and cover her lab sections and help out with other things. And she said the large R1 school she did her degree at, people were not like that. (And holy heck. More and more I've learned that what's important in life** is NOT the achievements you make or the papers you publish, it's the relationships you have with the people around you. Even people like colleagues, who all the thinkpiece writers will remind you "are not your friends" except when you're kind of thrown together, and maybe spend 40 hours a week together in the same building.....it helps to be at least on a friendly-acquaintance level). And yes, we have that.  That's our big selling point for people to come work here, I think. That, and the ability to work closely with the students and learn what their strengths are and hopefully steer them towards a career they will do well in and be happy doing. Yes, the pay is not that great. Yes, the workload is heavy. But we will have each other's backs, and if you treat someone with respect and kindness, you get that back. And I know - once again that's maybe one of the things that doesn't show up on "paper" (like some of the things I am best at don't qualify for inclusion on the faculty development plans) and it's not something necessarily that the "world" values - but it is something to not have colleagues be rude and snarky to you regularly, and to support you.

(** perhaps the only worthwhile realization from the whole pandemic was this: that life is fleeting, that the publications/awards/money don't matter, but what does matter is the caring for other people. And yet, there's also a backhand to that: I don't have nearly enough people to care about in my life any more, and I have a hard time finding new ones, because of being busy/being shy/being awkward)

* I pulled the linen-stitch pullover back out and found where I left off of it, and added a bit more to it. It still doesn't look like much.

* I'm tired tonight, though. At 2 am this morning I was awakened by my cell phone ringing and I had a moment of horror of "oh no something happened to my mom and either her neighbors or the police there are calling me" but then I remembered storms were predicted.....and that was it, there was a voicemail robocall from NWS about the severe thunderstorm warning. (I then assigned a unique ringtone to that number - so next time I'll hear it, go "that's not a person calling" and not be so freaked out)

It took me a while to get back to sleep; it was also very humid and the house had gotten warm during the day and I don't sleep well when it's hot. It's still too early to put the airconditioning on, darn it.

* My mom's still having issues with either her doctor's office or Aetna not communicating (Aetna is her supplemental insurance) and she's not receiving a treatment she was supposed to have like back in February. It's frustrating. I finally looked up (as she doesn't use the Internet, and of course they don't make updated phone directories any more) the "patient advocate" office for the medical system her doctor is in and gave her the office's number to call Monday. No idea if they can do anything but obviously no one is listening to my mother, so maybe someone else needs to call. I don't think they'd listen to me, but maybe they will to someone working in their system. 

It's nothing life threatening if she doesn't get it soon, but she's dealing with some discomfort that it might relieve. And I know the frustration of feeling like no one is LISTENING. So hopefully she can reach the advocate and the advocate will do something.