Thursday afternoon things

 In a moment, I need to get to grading. I'm kind of....I am worn out, but it's not the kind a nap will fix, it's a sort of existential worn-out-ness. 

It seems not unlikely the railroads will strike, likely starting a day or two before I'm slated to go to my mom's for Thanksgiving, which means it will happen (a) too late for me to get a plane ticket IF I could afford one and IF I could figure out how to get to one of the very limited airports in my area, so I will be spending ANOTHER Thanksgiving alone (like in 2020) if that happens and I want to cry.

(It would be less bad, IMHO, to get up there, have the railroads strike, and be stuck there. In fact, I might just tuck my webcam/microphone in my suitcase IN CASE, then I could finish teaching from up there and just figure it out. I could to the exams online, I did that in 2020)

And it seems some of my Twitter friends may be leaving Twitter in protest of its new owner (and in a broader sense, it's possible he'll tank the site) and.... it's one of my few human connections in a day and I don't want to lose it.

It feels like everything is changing for the worse and that makes me sad

* One interesting/good thing this morning: coming in, I saw the deer:

there are two adults there (does, I'm pretty sure; I think by now bucks, even young ones, would have recognizable antlers) and one half-grown one that you can't see behind the second doe

we have a lot of post oak trees around my building, they are eating the acorns. Lots of things eat the acorns: we have squirrels, and I've seen blue jays and even crows going for them. (Hogs like acorns too but I hope I never see any of those)

* A friend of mine retweeted this. I like it, even as I struggle with the sentiment:

I want to have that hope, to expect good things. But it's been so long, and I've lost so many people I loved, and I've also had other people I liked who kind of did face-heel turns and I realize they didn't care about me in the way I thought they did and....I'm burned out on people and at the same time I miss people, terribly, and it's a horrible feeling to have. (Tsundere is a funny thing in anime; it stinks in real life)

I'd also like to believe that, for example we were going to get a nice big real supermarket (in addition to the small but okay Pruett's and the wal-mart that I shop at because I don't have a better choice) but I don't see that happening; no place wants to come here because too many of us are broke and the people who aren't seem happy enough to drive to Dallas for fancier things. And I am NOT, I am not even driving to Sherman most weeks because it is TOO FAR and it takes TOO LONG and it burns TOO MUCH GAS.

(And I've not really met any people in the past year, so....not so hopeful on the "people who are gonna love you" thing)

I don't know. A lot of days lately are just a slog.

* I made a trip to wal mart this afternoon. Had a couple people just *push in front of me* when I was reaching for something, got the stink eye from a woman (I was wearing a mask. I wasn't the ONLY one, there were a couple of older people and an Asian lady and a couple people who were in scrubs so were maybe HCWs, but most people aren't and I do suspect some people have either underlying hostility to people who mask for weird reasons* or they think we must be plague-rats who are infected but out in public....I'm just trying to be careful for myself and to protect other people I come into contact with by masking when I'm in close quarters with strangers). And yes, I am going back to masking more in public; I expect a surge of covid this winter, I've not been able to get the bivalent booster yet, and I just want to be careful again.

(*we love to make up ways to reject other people; I suspect it's a human thing)

Also the checker *almost* did not give me one of my bags (once before I wound up leaving a couple things behind because I didn't check and she didn't check). This time I checked and said "oh, I gotta get my cabbage and onions" and grabbed that bag. And he apologized, and I said "no problem, I get that the days get to be long for you" but you know? I grow weary of having to be more vigilant (also about things like expiration dates on dairy goods, because they don't always clear out the stuff more than a week past its sell by date) as customer service declines. I mean, I UNDERSTAND: everyone is tired and these folks aren't paid well, but I can also be TIRED of it. 

Again: I wish we had a NICE supermarket here, but we'll never get one.

* I need to find more "nice tv." I ran across the last half of something while I was gearing up to grade, called "The Worst Witch" which is apparently based on an older (? late 1970s?) series of books about a girl's school-for-witches. So it's like another famous school story with magic, just without the connections with a person many find deeply uncomfortable now. I wound up watching the rest of it but then it was over. (I am still too cheap to pony up for Disney + but I might eventually cave if they have a lot of stuff like that. Or maybe I look into BritBox or Acorn if I can figure out how to get a dongle for those so I can watch it on my tv instead of my tiny computer screen. I do like the British mystery series and adaptations of older novels... )

One of the problems is that the cartoons I like are all in reruns and I've seen all the episodes multiple times so it's like the old joke about the political prisoners where instead of telling jokes they just called out the number they assigned to the joke they wanted to tell....

* I probably also need to just do more crafting. I mean, partly because I have so many supplies but also it's one of the few things that makes me feel like I have control over something in my life. (Even if I have creeping feelings of "I have more quilts than anyone should have" or "I can't wear all the socks I've knit"). I probably do need to shift to knitting lots of hats and mittens and things and just giving them away or trying to find a charity I can mail them to. Some feeling of control in the world, or some feeling of being able to make one tiny thing better... 

Anyway, down to grading. I put my pajamas on early (for comfort) and I have Tammy the stuffed otter right next to me because it's just one of those days.