Yes, I am here. I haven’t been all that motivated to post… worried about my house and if it’ll be okay when I return, and how I am going to coordinate the various repairs and renovations. And worry about spiking case counts here. And I have made some upsetting mistakes:
- tried to make meringue cookies, didn’t beat them long enough and burned half of them
- reset my mom’s crummy DSL (!) router and couldn’t find the factory original password at first, and then had to call Frontier to get them to reset the username and password to something we find uniquely memorable
- tonight, promised my mom we could stream Christmas Eve service, so we could avoid a packed church full of travelers from all over AND driving in a bad-traffic part of town at night, and totally forgot they stream in high def, which the dsl couldn’t handle, and… I was more upset than she was
I admit I don’t feel very Christmassy this year. If it were just me I would probably sit it out, act as much as I could that it was just another weekend day, but… I think all the stuff I’ve been dealing with both recently and in the past 20 months has blunted my ability to really enjoy things like I once did. (I hope it comes back). I also think I have been too idle after being so busy and I don’t cope so well with that.
And finally: someone I knew pretty well from church here died the day after I arrived. She hadn’t been in great health but right now, when I am seemingly unable to forge any new bonds, every one that breaks causes extra pain.
So, I am left with hoping that somehow, next year is better. Or that I can find something absorbing enough to shut up things I am concerned about, at least for a while.
2 comments:
I wish you a better 2022. Know that I care, and a lot of us feel the same way you do, in one manner or another.
I understand. I’m just going thru the motions this year, too. Trying to keep it together for my family but I am so worn out, mostly with worry. — Grace
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