And a surprise

 I had mentioned -wow, back in March I think it was? That a friend of the family named Jo passed away (after a long life; she was well into her 90s, even though she was one of those people that you think will keep going forever). 

Well, when my mom called tonight she said she'd gotten a big packet from the attorney handling Jo's estate. Surprise one: she settled quite a chunk of money on my parents (it was to be split between them, but if one predeceased her, the full amount went to the survivor). Then again: she had no children, and nearly all her family was gone, so presumably, yes, leaving it to friends (and also to the library of the university where she taught for years) makes sense. And my parents had done a number of things for her down through the years, and she was a colleague of theirs for a while when they were teaching.

(Currently what money I have would go to my brother, in trust for my niece, until she attends college/wants to buy a house/wants to do something like start a business. Though I suspect unless some misadventure befalls me, she'll be well into that stage of life first. Yes, I need to think about *possessions* but at this point I can't get past 'any books good enough for the uni library go there, have a big giant estate sale for the rest' because I don't know that anyone would particularly want my stuff. And I admit I don't like thinking about it.)

But also: she left two things to me. First, a crazy quilt I made for her some years back - she had given me scraps of dressmaker fabric (really GOOD dressmaker fabric; I made some clothes for my collector dolls out of it) and as a thank-you, I made her a small quilt of it. I had wondered what would become of that - in cases where there's family to parcel out or take in things, I wouldn't have minded so much, but I admit it made me slightly sad to think of it sold anonymously at an estate sale or just landfilled. 

And the other thing? Some years back she bought a couple very nice wall-hanging quilts based on topographic maps (she was a geographer) from an artist who made them. She gave one as a gift to my parents - it is still hanging up in my mom's living room. She wanted me to have the other one, which is kind of touching but also I guess she knew it would be going to someone who would like it and treasure it. 

Oh, I know it will be a while; probate takes forever. But it's a little thing that is kind of consoling, in a way. It still makes me sad but I'm glad to be the custodian - for however long - of that piece of quilt art. 

(I admit I wish I could go back to that mental fantasy, or blank space, or ignorance, or whatever you might call it, that I experienced before 2018 or so, where the idea that "you, too, will die some day" was at most an abstract concept and not something that was really easily believable. But now it's come all too real, and I've kind of lived through a series of minor existential crises these past 2 or so years. I still haven't made peace with it; I wonder if anyone ever really does.)