Thursday, January 21, 2021

Thursday evening things

 * My January Doki Doki crate *finally* shipped. They sent an e-mail about a week ago apologizing and saying they were looking for ways to "make it up" to their subscribers (but I expect nothing). At least it's on its way now. Because I need something.

I had to request a refund from Amazon; I ordered a circular needle I needed for knitting and it got lost in the mail. I got my refund and tried reordering from Quixotic Fibers on the grounds that they're closer to me and hopefully it won't have to go through too many USPS centers.

I should have just gone with Quixotic from the get-go but I still have this foolish idea that paying for Prime means I get 2-day shipping. (I might cancel Prime before it renews this spring; I don't have time to watch streaming video and the two-day shipping isn't happening now and maybe won't ever again)

It's just frustrating when (a) you don't feel like you can go anywhere because of the pandemic and distance and being busy and (b) the delivery services like USPS and FedEx seem to be failing hard. Or at least here they are. I don't know what's wrong with the Tulsa center but that's where packages go to die.

* This week has been hard. Just lots of things to do - lots of paperwork, and trying to juggle too many things. Tomorrow will be long, too - the two lecture classes, and the advanced stats class which I am not *fully* prepared for (but I just couldn't do it all this evening, I was just too tired) and then more filming of virtual labs. And grading this weekend, and writing exams already next week.

* All my colleagues I've talked to generally acknowledge that teaching right now is 1 1/2 to 2 times as time-consuming and difficult as normal. I'm also reminding myself in some cases it is no so much that *I* am failing, but that I am in a situation that's set up to fail. Like, teaching a lab "distanced" between two far-apart rooms with no TA. I had someone fill in today but she cannot normally do that to help me. 

And yet, I feel like a failure. And I don't like that. I suspect this will just be a semester to be endured. As I've said several times: if I were eligible for early retirement, I'd be gone. (And I anticipate we will be doing this again, this same way, come fall. I am doubtful of the "mostly normal by summer's end" claims some are making)

I am not sure why this one feels harder than the fall, but it does. (Probably because "break" wasn't restful for me the way they were in the past, and most of the things I enjoy doing are still off the table for now)

* The talk of Twitter today was the "secret red button" - the former President had it on his desk, the new one had it removed. And the button, it turned out, summoned a staffer to bring a Diet Coke.

So people were talking about: was having a Diet Coke button ridiculous or sort of expected or actually sort of a clever idea? And what would they have if they had a "magic button"?

I don't know. I don't drink Diet Coke, and I'm also not sure I like the idea of summoning someone to do something for me like that - I mean, I can get up and get my own darn glass of water when I need it. But I also admit it would be nice to have attention on demand, or, as I joked on Twitter, someone who loved me to come and hug me when I needed it. 

Though is attention on demand really attention? Is a gift, demanded, really a gift?

* Not gonna lie, making a "list" of things I would really like to do once things are back under control (Again: if they ever are. And yes, I keep saying that, partly because I don't believe they will be, but also partly, superstitiously, that I don't want to jinx any possible future good by *expecting* it. )

Some of them are dumb - like finding a petting zoo that's not too sad, and going and getting to pet llamas or feed goats or some darn thing. I don't know why. And I want to go antiquing again. And I would love to go and have a "fancy style" afternoon tea, even though I know exactly zero places within driving distance of me that do that. And to go to a play again. And to buy new shoes without having to guess and order online and hope they fit. (My shoes are all wearing out and I don't know what to do. For now I'm wearing the old ones and they're probably part of what's jacking up my back. But I also don't know a good shoe store here, and the one up by my mom that I used closed forever. I have hard to fit feet and foot, knee, and hip problems, so I can't just go into some cheap shoe-e-teria and grab something off the shelf). And also buy real clothes again - I've bought a few things, but just sacky dresses and elastic-waisted casual pants. 

I dunno. I could do a few of those things, maybe (but I don't think stores let people try clothes or shoes on here) but I also don't feel comfortable going out right now.

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