Tuesday, March 31, 2020

I'm still here

Very little feedback from students yesterday when classes started up online. I feel like I'm shouting into a void.

(After 2019, I should be used to that, though for different reasons).

I'm sad and tired and it hit me this morning how very meaningless my job is - there's a whole world of workers more skilled than I am (medical professionals and epidemiologists) and people who were at one time seen as less-skilled (truck drivers, grocery stockers) who are important now; my job doesn't matter. It could go away and our country would roll on. I am the real unskilled worker, I guess.

that's not a good feeling to have on a morning when you have to get a lot done.

Seclusion or whatever the heck this is is not good for my mental state and for my philosophy.

I'll do my work, but it's with a two-pronged sinking feeling: first, that no one is out there listening, and second, that it doesn't really matter anyway.

I'm hoping to get good work done today and that my grocery order goes through okay (without too many substitutions or "we're just out of that") and that maybe this evening I can do some kind of craft work that will cheer me up a little.


It's just....it's really hard having once been the person who cheered other people up and now needing cheering up yourself and not knowing how to do it for yourself or really having the energy to.

How many more months of this do we have to endure?

1 comment:

Jay said...

And yes, we're still checking in on you.

Ditto on the on-line presentations. Even if no one in the class makes a sound, the body language feedback clearly communicates if you are reaching them or boring them. Switching from teaching in front of and with people, to delivering on-line presentations, leaves a lot to be desired.