Guys, I don't think I'm gonna make it. I really don't. Someone was rude to me elsewhere online and I feel like....well, I'm not allowed to vent anywhere any more, I have no one nearby to talk to, I have to remain chipper for my mom, and I'm falling apart.
I'm okay tonight, but there will come a night when I fear I won't be okay.
I loved you all, all of you who read. This isn't your fault. I'm just not built for a post-apocalyptic world where I have to be alone all the time.
I can't keep my chin up. I'm scared as hell and unhappy and life has kicked the stuffing out of me. I'm keeping going for now but.....I might not be able to keep on going for 18 months or however the hell long this hell is supposed to last.
we probably deserve it. Humans are awful anyway.
Gonna shut the computer down and go to bed. At least when I'm asleep I have an escape from all of it.
2 comments:
Long time blog reader here, very rare commentor (I made you that gnome bag all those years ago). This is a scary time, an isolating time where none us have the supports we need, and all we can do is try and get through the days. Please try and get through the days with the rest of us.
Long ago reader here. (You made and sent me a neck scarf in an exchange—metallic, with a leaf slider to fasten it. Also, my daughter had cancer, which I think we discussed). First, I am so sorry about your father. My dad passed away a few years ago and I felt so untethered so I understand your pain and worry about your mom.
Second, please try to stay positive as much as possible. These are scary times for all of us but ultimately I believe in human innovation (especially in our country) and it comforts me to think the brightest minds are working non-stop to battle this virus and keep our world intact. I cling to that when I feel sad and hopeless. But you also should also not feel guilty/bad about your despair. Those are valid emotions too and sometimes we need to go thru them to get to the other side. I speak from experience. So not trying to preach here but you know, I decided to check your blog last week because I thought to myself, hey, wonder how Erica is doing thru all this in her area of the world. So please remember others are thinking of you. You matter and even a small act of kindness (the scarf, which I still have) has an impact more than you know. Apologize if I sound preachy...not my intent at all. Please take this post in the spirit it was intended.
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