dumb little wish

This is kind of a dumb little weeb-ish wish of mine, probably brought on by watching too many cartoons, but:

I kind of wish I were someone's "moe" character.

(For those unfamiliar with fandoms: a "moe" character is (typically) a young female character (I think the word derives from a word for "blossoming," which, yeah, ick, but whatever) who is kind of sweet and who brings up protective feelings in her fans).

In recent Western cartoons, probably Fluttershy is the most stereotypical case and I wonder if that's why I like/slightly identify with the character.

The protectiveness is the big thing right now. I realize pretty much all my life, as much as I ever got "stuck up for," it was me sticking up for myself - me having to confront the people teasing me to tell them to stop (you can imagine how well THAT worked), me speaking up when I got overlooked, etc., etc.


I am the oldest child in my family so I didn't even have a big brother or big sister to look out for me, and generally my friends....did not seem to do that sort of thing.

I don't remember ever having the experience of someone telling me "I'll go talk to them for you" when there was some horrible thing I was being told to do and I'd rather not do it - I had the choice of "just do the thing because that's easier" or "screw up all your courage and go into an Emotional Spoon Deficit for the next 2 months and walk in there and say "no" and have an explanation prepared for when they bluster at you and say you CAN'T say "no""

And more and more, the older I get, not only do I have to do whatever sticking-up-for-myself that needs to be done, but I need to stick up for OTHER people, too, and it's tiring.

Most recent update on the traveller's cheques situation: they received the additional ID my mom sent, it checked out (so they now trust that yes, in fact, she IS my dad's widow and not some rando who stole the cheques, which is why I assume they required the other information) and they will remit the money "eventually,"

but

"There is still a few weeks delay in receiving the refund due to our systems being brought off line on New year’s Eve but we will arrange to make the payment asap."

This is a company that was part of the Thomas Cook group - which is that travel-agency group that went bankrupt and abruptly closed down their airline. So maybe my mom gets the money, maybe not, who knows? I hope she does. Not so much that she's in desperate need but it's partly the principle and partly that it took SO MUCH WORK to get this far.

I also noticed in my Informed Daily Digest (e-mailed photos of first class mail, which I started receiving when I suspected I was having mail stolen), there is another letter coming from the IRS.

I sincerely hope this is a "okay, the matter is fully resolved, you owe us nothing more" but I fear it won't be, that it will be another bill. I guess if it is I have the appointment with the CPA and just take it to him then and ask him what to do but....I don't like how they basically say "we're going to tot up interest every day, so you'll owe EVEN MORE if you bother to have this investigated."

(I hope it's not an audit. I doubt I could cope with that.)

This all goes back to Jackson-Hewett having an unqualified (unknowledgeable) person do my taxes and I will never shut up about that: if your taxes are more than "I file a simple 1040 and I want to pay usurious interest to get a loan against my refund," go to a CPA. Don't be seduced by their "we'll back you up" policy because when they "backed me up" they screwed it up even worse. Now, granted, maybe if I'd driven to Dallas and gone to an office in a more affluent area it would have been fine but...you count on people to do something and they don't do it right.

Anyway. I very much feel on a regular basis about how nice it would be to feel like I had someone other than myself to stick up for me. I don't always have the energy or the guts to, and so in a lot of cases I kind of wind up with needs going unmet, or doing things I'd rather not do because I'm not brave enough to say no - or to stand pat when that no is challenged. 

Just, yeah. I mean, I know I'm too old and not cute enough to be a "proper" moe girl but sometimes it would just be nice to feel like someone had my back in a tangible way?