Trimming the tree

Yeah, my mom did get a tree. There weren’t a lot available in the smaller size-class she wanted (5-6 feet), so she wound up with a spruce (some cultivar, they don’t just do straight blue spruce or white spruce any more). It sheds needles like whoa, which reminded us why we normally get firs. Oh well.

We decorated it today. It went okay but like a lot of things this season, there are a lot of “ghosts” hanging over what we do. I put the lights on it-granted, that’s been my job the past few years since my dad’s knees didn’t allow it any more. But I found myself struggling to position the lights “right,” and then fussing a little when they weren’t as perfect as they could be. And putting on the ornaments, I thought of how he always made a thing out of not getting two of the same color too close or not hanging them in such a way that they didn’t hang freely. (That was hard on this tree; it was shaped so that the branches were very tight together)

It’s strange, trying to make and have cheer when everything is so different.

I think I’m glad I ordered a last-minute “extra” gift for my mom (just a Stonewall Kitchen gift basket, but still- she wouldn’t have a lot to unwrap otherwise. (I am not expecting much but have told myself to be okay with it).

We haven’t got the stockings out yet but I know that will be another wrench, just having two this year.

But plans continue apace; tomorrow she is making the Stollen that is tradition- actually was his family’s tradition, through his German mother- and Monday we pick up a (smaller than last year’s) standing rib roast from the meat market. I guess the idea is life goes on and it’s best to try to be happy.

I will say some of the stupidities of the outside world wear on me -among other things, the story of the woman who went looking on Craigslist to see if any family would “adopt” her for the day (she would even cook) because she would be alone on Christmas otherwise, and apparently people had a field day being rude to her about it. And the story of some British Vogue editors talking about the lavish trips they were takin (including one talking about an expensive retreat to “detox from the excesses of the Christmas season “ and sometimes I think of the advice I give students about reading stuff you’ve written out loud...though my advice is more look out for awkward phrasing than it is “stop and listen to what you are saying and think about your tone.”

I dunno. The world is a mess and people are often selfish and venal and I find I am less and less able to laugh it off. Maybe that will change, I hope so.