Okay, I give

I did finally get a little positive attention this evening, and it made a lot of difference. It was AAUW meeting tonight, and for one thing - we were getting together to meet the new school art teacher, and she had us do a PROJECT.

Yes. Actually, two: we made stencilled jars to put a candle in (she gave us those battery operated ones but if the battery dies on mine - some of them don't have very long life - I might just put a real candle in there). And we made little owls....sort of like tree ornaments....out of a slice through a big branch and buttons. So it was fun, I'm always up for crafts, and frankly, if a craft club started up here in town (there was one in Hudson and my mom was a member), I'd want to join.

But also. Two other things happened. First, the president of the group commented about "all the hard work [I] do" (really, being Secretary is not that hard and it is the ideal job for an introvert who doesn't like asking other people for stuff - I would hate doing fundraising, for example, where you have to ASK people for MONEY. So I always grab "Secretary" when there are jobs in need of doing because then I don't get asked to do stuff that's harder for me). But also, yeah, I chair the scholarship committee and sometimes that is hard work. And I do some of the correspondence related to that like trying to chivvy our recipients into coming to meetings and talking about themselves.

But anyway. She gave me a thank-you card and it had a $25 JoAnn's gift certificate in it and I admit I'm really tempted to take it along if I go to Sherman this weekend and just spend it on....whatever. Maybe get more Kona cotton solid fabric for future quilts. Or buy some ridiculous yarn for ridiculous amigurumi (I want to get back into making toys some time).

But the really big thing? One of the other members - our treasurer in fact - is a member of the big Methodist church in town, and she had told them about my various losses after the LAST meeting, and they have a prayer shawl ministry....so she asked the minister if she could pick one out for me:

There was also an extremely nice card from the people in the group (not just the knitters/crocheters, apparently there are also just people who pray for people* as well) and of course I am keeping the card. Also the shawl was made by someone I know from the University, which is a nice connection too.

And yeah, I find this kind of thing a little embarrassing - why should people who barely know me go to this much trouble for me? But I guess this is what people do. And I've done similar. And I really need to write out that card to Kristen and Charity at the quilt shop; it's a little thing but the cards I received after my dad died meant a lot to me.

(*And I half hate-read a MeFi thread about "thoughts and prayers" and how many people dismiss the whole concept. I get the idea of someone who is an atheist (and maybe many agnostics, though I know agnostics who also say "I want to believe, I want that comfort, but I can't, quite) not wanting prayers but....as is often the case on there the desire to not-understand people of faith seems to be pretty strong. I dunno. I've always taken comfort from knowing people are praying for me, and I understand that EVEN IF the person can do nothing else - because they are disabled, or elderly, or broke, or have small kids at home, or are even busier than I am - they want to do SOMETHING, and praying is that something. And I also think of the old line from "My Antonia," about "all prayers of good people are good" though I understand that was more from the standpoint of a Protestant (Mr. Burden) being unusually tolerant (for Protestants of the time) of a Catholic family praying on his family's behalf. But still. I tend to feel that any good wishes, given in a good spirit and a desire to "help" on some cosmic level, are good, whether it's a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim or a Hindu or a Sikh or a Buddhist or a Shinto or a neo-Pagan or a none-of-the-above offering them.)

But yeah: Okay, okay, God, I get it. People love me and I do matter to them even if at some times I can't always see that. I need to work more at seeing it, probably.


****

I also feel some better because I took this afternoon off as "comp time" for the grading late into the evening I did yesterday. And in between piano practice, I cleaned house - set timers on my phone and just worked as much as I could for thirty minutes at a go. (You can get a lot done in thirty minutes; I got the bathroom cleaned EXCEPT for scrubbing the tub in that time). And yes, I went with thirty minutes rather than the usual 25 I set Pomodoros for at work because I discovered when I ask Siri to set a timer for thirty minutes - well, I have the "Irish-English speaker, male voice" Siri - and the way "he" says "Okay. I'm setting a timer for t'irty minutes" is kind of adorable and it helps in a small way.

I've decided tomorrow, as soon as I can get what grading I have done, I am coming home and doing a couple more 30-minute cleaning sprints; I want to get the kitchen floor done, and more cleaning in the dining room, and clean up my bedroom a good bit.  And if I don't complete it tomorrow, maybe Sunday afternoon I'll do one or two more. And probably what I need to do is schedule one every other day or so, and then my house won't get as bad, and I won't be stuck struggling to force myself to do a truly overwhelming amount of cleaning. (And I can maybe not practice *quite* so hard on piano right now; my teacher is out of town next week so the next lesson is in two weeks....)