needing a distraction

Last night I had several dreams involving people I've lost in the past 10 years or so, and I woke up sad.

This is where I wish I had a really close local friend, someone I felt comfortable calling up and going "I'm really sad today, you can probably guess why, but I need to go do something with someone so I will feel less sad" but there really isn't anyone I feel comfortable being that open with (at least locally) and so I'm going to have to either:

a. Just suck it up and sit with being sad yet again
b. Go do something by myself.

(Going to movies alone sucks, and I won't do it. And there's no "nice" shopping open in my town on Sundays....I would have to drive to Sherman for that and even then it would be chain places like JoAnn's.)

But, dammit brain? Why do you do this to me? I know you are both lonely and also desperately want to believe that those people who are gone out of your life are well and happy in a pleasant Afterlife, but it makes waking up and going out and living a day really unpleasant.

***

I probably definitely need to do a workout this afternoon. I wasn't up to it Thursday, Friday I had had the flu shot and my arm was sore, Saturday....I was just upset from the tree branch and busted outlet incidents and didn't...and I know I get sad and weird when I go too long without using my muscles.

(This is also where having a nearby friend who liked hiking or at least taking long walks would also help. I don't like walking alone; it seems I get accosted by weirdos when I do and it makes me uncomfortable)

***

I really need one thing to be easy and go smoothly. I'm pinning my hopes on the outlet replacement being uncomplicated, but am also bracing myself (because it's 2019) for the electrician to recoil in horror and say "wow, I'm surprised your house hasn't burned down yet, you need to immediately have the place rewired"

(Being a pessimist means that anything even 1% better than the Worst you imagine satisfies you)