Tuesday morning things

* I will post an in-progress photo later, but one of the things I am working on is a knitted blanket (yes, another blanket and I don't know what's up with me and blankets right now other than it's been a colder winter than some of the previous ones) out of Red Heart "Hygge" (a fat, fuzzy yarn, and yes, I admit some discomfort with them appropriating a Danish concept to sell yarn, but it's kind of a fun yarn and it works up fast). It's just the cabled blanket that has a pattern on the ball-band of at least some of the skeins. I've finished the first repeat (of 14) of the pattern so far. It will go faster as I go along, and I'm also considering seeing if I can dig up enough big markers (most of my stitch markers are for needles size 7 or under, and these are 15s) to mark off the garter section from the section that has the cables, so the knit-plain rows (right side is all knit, wrong side is k10, p9, with the p 9 being the cabled section) can be done without counting or thought.

Edited to add: finally a photo:



That's just about 2 repeats of the pattern. (There are a total of 14 for the blanket)

* I am still...not terribly happy over some recent events. Part of it is I'm coming to a realization, which will probably ultimately be good for me, that some people just have a tendency to act like jerks (selfish, mean to others...) and that people who are acting like jerks don't deserve me paying attention to their opinions.

One of the problems I have always had as an adult (at least) is I pay too much attention to others' opinions and give them too much credence, even when the person is behaving selfishly. I wind up doubting myself. And while that might be good sometimes for my own humility, it also lets a lot of stuff in my head that I shouldn't have in there, especially stuff where people are lashing out at me when I don't really deserve it.

I guess I'm slowly learning not to let some people's opinions get in my head, but it's still very slow and I still do it too much.

* I played badly at Bell Choir last night. New song (an arrangement of "Seek Ye First") and because I had one harmony-line bell and one melody-line bell, my part was really complicated, and I started messing up, and I felt bad about messing up, and I just had to step away for a bit. (And part of it was probably still residual bad-feelings about the idea that some people don't "have" to hear criticism because they get so whiny about it, but I "get" to hear criticism because I just kind of nod and go "OK" and then spend the rest of the week feeling like I'm a terrible person because I did something that was deemed worthy of criticism. And yes, yes, I know: that says a good thing about me, that people are comfortable criticizing me to my face. But I would still prefer not to be criticized, to always do things well enough no one can find fault)

I also had a bad dream - the last dream towards morning. Where we had been, as Bell Choir, traveling somewhere to play, and we wound up fundamentally getting kidnapped by some jerk, and having to walk across what looked like Kansas wheatfields and we kept plotting to figure out how we could get away, and I was advocating for " maybe it would be less obvious if one person managed to break away and run for help" but everyone else was "no no, the whole group has to get away together" and finally we got to a place like Las Vegas (?) and somehow in the process of walking through a hotel lobby we managed to get far enough away from him that we were all able to take off running...and then I woke up. So I'm tired and sad this morning and this is one of those dreams I have where the emotions bleed over into the day.

* Well, I found out the details of the volunteer work working for next Saturday. I don't have to be here - or at least, there was no indication of that - but I have to work through the god-awful clunky "scholarship interface" on our campus internet to evaluate the letters. So I'm not happy about that and I have no idea how many there will be or if I'm expected to look at all of them (several people are doing this, so hopefully they divvied them up and we each only have a dozen or so). I'll have to mess with it today and see.

Edited to add: at least I only have 13 to do, so either applications are way down, or they divided them up between the people doing them. I *might* be able to knock them out this afternoon IF I can get the oil and filter change done fast enough (I have to do them here in my office; online interface)

* But I also have to take my car in for an oil and filter change; it's long overdue and every time I drive to Sherman I feel like I'm on borrowed time because I've not done it. The difficulty level of this is that my dealership (the only place in town I trust to take my car for this kind of thing, based on stuff I've heard) doesn't do loaners, and the thought of sitting in a stuffy waiting room with a tv blaring at me - I have things I must do but literally none of them are things I can easily carry along with me, so I don't even know. Maybe I just take knitting and tell myself it's a knitting break? But then I feel guilty for not-working during my one block of time in the week that's open to work on stuff like writing....and no, there is no one I can press into service to drive out there with me, drive me back here, and then drive back THERE with me when my car is done; no one has that kind of time and I don't like burdening people that way. Maybe if I had to leave my car all day, sure, but I'd have to line someone up well in advance.

Here's hoping they're not busy when I go out there. (Maybe I try to take my notes for writing anyway and see if I can find a quiet place to work). I just wish these logistic things that are so hard when you're single were easier.

*I really want to try to get everything I have to do knocked out during the week this week because I do want to take Saturday for another fun day. Not sure doing what yet but I feel like I should get at least two days out for fun seeing as it's a "big" birthday and I won't be getting anything special on the actual day. (And I may have an unpleasant meeting, for that matter)

* My Pandora classical-music channel at work ("The Music is Supposed to Make You Smarter" channel) still regularly serves up classical-themed Christmas music. Some of the more "obvious" stuff I hit skip on, but some of the older choral stuff (like "The Shepherds' Farewell") I just keep playing and you know? It does make me.....can you be homesick for a time of the year? It makes me homesick for Christmas, when things in my life are prettier and nicer and there's the promise of fun things and somehow I'm better at mentally papering-over the things that aren't so nice. And here, at the butt-end of February, I'm having trouble doing that papering-over, and the not-so-nice things seem very in my face. But hearing "Break Forth O Beauteous Heavenly Light," even if it makes me a little homesick (timesick? I don't know what you'd call it) does make it a little better.

I was also thinking of Philippians 4:8 this morning : "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (Message translation). But yes. I need to hear things that are true, noble, reputable, etc....there's too much ugliness in the news and the world; too much selfishness. And yes, I know: to cross the streams a bit here, Gandhi would probably say something like "Be the graciousness you want to see in the world" but I also feel frustrated in that I've been trying to do that for years, and it doesn't seem to help improve things.

Also added - I posted this a while back (and it's a more traditional translation, if a less-traditional presentation, of that verse)

I think Lent is gonna hit me hard this year though.