I openly admit I am not a fan of most "modern" hymns. The repetitive praise choruses, which are apparently rock-inspired, leave me cold. Oh, I acknowledge they are what some people need, and I understand that, but I would prefer - and would try to actively seek out, if I had to - a service or a denomination* that used the traditional hymns, the ones at least 80 years old and preferably a hundred or more.
(*I really hope the congregation I'm a part of keeps going for a while yet. I love the people, the theology is amenable to my understanding and my beliefs, it's a place I've planted myself. If it came to moving elsewhere - like if we folded - I'd probably try following the majority of the people at first, and if that didn't work, try either the Episcopalians or the more mainline Methodists - despite being in a "frontier" denomination, I tend to be fairly "high church" in my leanings, which is probably reflected in the attitudes I write about here)
I'm also not quite as fond of the modern-written hymns, especially the ones I see as "didactic," where they are basically telling the people what to do and....I can't quite put my finger on it or explain it, but there's something about singing about what we're supposed to do, rather than the attributes of God or how grateful to Him we are, that rubs me the wrong way a little.
Some though, they have their merits.
(years and years ago, I read a book by Marva Dawn about the "church wars" between contemporary and traditional services, and one of her points that I agreed with is one challenge of "modern" music is that it's not been through the "filter of time" and had the less-good stuff (or even the downright-bad stuff, theologically and aesthetically) sorted out and discarded, the way the old hymns have).
But sometimes there's a turn of phrase I like. We sang Lord, you Give the Great Commission, which is only about 40 years old, but is really not a bad hymn at all (and has a nice, graceful tune it's set to) but there was one line in it that particularly struck me:
"Lord, you make the common holy."
And yes. Yes, that's it. That's what I want to be able to see in my life. That's what I want to feel. All too often I feel like everything I do is simply common, everyday, it doesn't matter that much. Grading, for example: it's just the same darn thing after another, and what good does it do? Sometimes people look at the grade on top and throw the paper out. Or complain about it. Or whatever. And it's hard to see the cosmic value in doing it. (And yes, I know, that sounds overly grand. But there is a strain of thought in at least some forms of Christianity that all work is holy and meaningful. I want to believe that but I also have a hard time feeling it about my work sometimes).
And even just everyday things: a meal, helping a friend, knitting a sock. I want to believe there's something good and even holy about the "good" things you do (whether it's obvious good, like working at a food bank, or maybe a more "neutral good" like creating something for your own use).
When I am at my best, I can almost see it and feel it. And when it's an "obvious" case - serving the family meal after a funeral, or on a happier occasion - serving punch at a reception to celebrate something good. Or fixing food for the college kids.
But so much of what I do these days, it feels kind of like...well, I do it because I'm supposed to. The stuff like keeping all the attendance records. The paperwork. Some of the research stuff. (I wrote my post-tenure-review thing today and that's always slightly disheartening - is that REALLY all I did in the year? Though of course a lot of the things I do that are important to me are not things that go on the post-tenure review.)
And yeah, maybe it is a bit much to expect to feel some great jolt of spiritual fulfillment from filling out early-alert reports, or cleaning the preproom. But I wish I felt more like....like I could see the big picture that all this fits in, and that it's ultimately meaningful.
And ironically, the one rerun of Bob's Burgers I watched last night touched on this - the season 8 finale, where he agreed to cater a wedding. And the wedding became "Bob's war-zone doctoring," because in a joke earlier in the episode, Bob had been watching a documentary about Doctors without Borders (though I don't think they name-checked them) on his computer (along with, ahem, other things, which Linda found and commented on).
And Bob is wondering: why do I make burgers for a living? Why don't a do something meaningful like being a war-zone doctor? And he is filled with self doubt over his career choice. (This was a slightly uncomfortable episode for me, as you might guess). "Oh my G*d!" Bob exclaims, "is making burgers the dumbest thing we could have done with our lives?" (Honestly, the grass ALWAYS looks greener, I think: I've looked at restaurants even as I know it's 14 hour days of sheer slavery and thought "but at least they are making food for people! What am *I* doing?")
Anyway, a couple that met by chance at Bob's wanders in with a request: since their first meeting was at the restaurant, would he consider catering their wedding? It's, like, a DIY wedding!
And Bob, because he can't resist a chance to get his name out there (and maybe make money) takes it. And it winds up driving him nuts. Because Bob is a perfectionist about his cooking, and also he tends to take on responsibility for things that are not his responsibility (he thinks that if the wedding doesn't work out, it's his fault, even though he's just catering).
And, yeah. I said this was a somewhat uncomfortable episode for me and it's funny how I can pick out my faults when they show up in a cartoon character but not always see them in myself when I get trapped in that perfectionistic spiral, or I'm acting like It's All My Fault when something happens that I did not totally have control over and that isn't my responsibility anyway.
And somehow, the whole "making the common sacred" thing is tied up with this....the idea that the little things you can do, even if they're just little things, if you're doing them for good....well, they are good and they are valuable. And I sometimes have a hard time seeing that, I have a hard time accepting that.
I guess Bob Belcher does too, which may be why I like the show.
But really: I wish I were better at reclaiming what I do, and insisting it's good and it's meaningful and that people who think that college is a waste don't really have experience with it. But it's hard for me to be strong enough often these days to tell myself that I'm doing important and meaningful work, and really - that's something I need to be happy, the feeling that my work is meaningful.
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