* The more I read about L'affaire Ronell, the more I am convinced that my attitude: that I don't want to be an academic superstar, I want to be an academic journeywoman (someone who has paid her dues, learned her craft, works hard, and abides by a strict code of ethics), is a good and solid one.
Still, I can't quite believe how much "legs" that story has, and how it's spread into other areas. But I guess that's how stupid human behavior works now - the whole mess with people on FB posting harassing and even threatening-violence messages about that transgender kid in Achille even spread to the Oklahoma School for the Deaf having to close for a few days for safety's sake, because apparently another Yahoo thought it would be fun to call them up and threaten them with violence if a relative of the dude who threatened the kid in Achille wasn't fired, and....yeah.
(If one of my cousins did something truly hateful, I'd be appalled to think my university would consider it a good move to fire ME.)
I hope the human race is heading for some kind of - let's call it a "market correction" - where we suddenly realize we've been being stupid and it's time to stop being stupid and start being grownups again.
* I will have to keep an eye on the weather but it's possible the rain will hold off this afternoon so then I have to decide: quick trip to Sherman (Bookstore, JoAnn's, maybe Ulta, and "big" grocery shopping) today, or tomorrow after New Pony? Both have things to recommend them - both have drawbacks.
* I give my first exam today. I was hoping to maybe have a New Project to work on during invigilating but I brought the sleeve of Augusta instead, because I didn't have a time to start anything new, and the simple socks I'm working on didn't appeal, and the big goofy scarf I'm doing seemed too big and too goofy.
* I can't remember if I said here that I heard back about Surprise! Potato! - the company e-mailed me and said they apologized (though really, finding a whole, clean potato in a bag of fries is better than like 99.9% of the things you could find in there) and are mailing me "reimbursement." I am hoping it's a coupon for a free bag, because small checks are more of a pain to deal with, but if it's a small check to cover the cost of the bag that's fine too.
* And I made it through this week without blowing up at anyone (and as I said, the people I interpreted as "problem people" might just have been showing start-of-semester awkwardness, and maybe it will settle down) so if I see some small treat if I go out this afternoon I am giving myself license to get it - either some kind of small blindbag toy, or some kind of silly home-dec thing from the JoAnn's, or something.
* I was thinking this morning also maybe my interpretation of "they're laughing AT me" is just my inner child coming out. And I thought about how messed up that it is, as humans, most of us "see only our own blooper reel and only everyone else's highlight reel" which someone once told me and it's such a good metaphor. And then I thought, by extension: all of those teachers and professors that I looked up to, and I was like "they are so smart and so together and so organized" when I was a kid, maybe some of them were mired in self doubt and felt like they were running around with their hair on fire like I do a lot of the time? And so maybe some of my students look at me and think I have it together waaaaaaay more than I actually feel like I do, so I can maybe relax a little?
And really, isn't that what "impostor syndrome" is: everyone else looks at you and sees your "highlight reel" so to speak, and they're like Here Is A Together Adult Who Gets Things Done and you are looking at your own internal dialog and your blooper reel and everything else and you are like "wow I am a hot mess and I'm sure everyone else can see that."
I wish my inner dialog were more like some of those dvd commentary tracks where the actors are goofing it up and are laughing and are like "Oh man, I remember that scene, stuff kept going wrong but we managed to pull it off" or they insert random puns that crack you up...
* The only thought I will report here on the anonymous NYT editorial: I think a funny skit could be worked up based on it, where the punchline is everyone going "I'm not Spartacus!" (a play on that old movie line where everyone declares himself to be Spartacus, as a way of both saying "I'm not ratting out the actual conspirator" and "good luck punishing every last one of us"). Or, I don't know, maybe play it straight and have everyone going "I'm Spartacus!"
(I can deal with the stupidity of the world best when I can find something to laugh at in it).
* I am easier in my mind now that I know what I'm going to make for the CWF salad supper - I am going to do that chicken salad (chicken and mayonnaise and lemon and something crunchy - I will use water chestnuts because celery allergy - and either almonds or cracker crumbs or both on the top). I can poach the chicken breasts Sunday afternoon and assemble the salad Monday afternoon, and it can cook down at the church during bell choir.
And I think the ground beef and stuff for the college-student dinner, I'll just grab that at Pruett's. Pruett's beef is good and it's as reasonable as any. I might try to remember to pick up a few packets of taco seasoning while out this afternoon (if I go) and maybe get some cans of beans too. We feed about 20 people, so I'm thinking five pounds of beef and for the beans, I can just look at the cans and estimate from servings given. I plan to be sure to get vegetarian beans in case anyone in the group is a vegetarian...then they can have taco salad with just veggis and beans and cheese, if they eat cheese.
And I'll get the ice cream bars to feed them locally, as well. If I have the time, maybe run to Braum's to get the good kind.
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