Tuesday, August 07, 2018

Tuesday morning things

* I had to evict a very small spider from the shoes I planned to wear today. I have had a right plague of these: tiny little ones, makes me wonder what they eat as they are so small. They make tiny strandy webs around places; I've been having to clean their webs off my bookcases and the like. I'm not afraid of them and don't mind them but the webs do look untidy.

* Driving in today, someone turned right in front of me to *very slowly* pull partway into an alleyway. I slowly edged around them (no oncoming traffic) and then they started BACKING BACK OUT.

Like I wasn't there. Or they didn't see me. And then, someone pulled out of a parking lot without looking.

Two thoughts:

1. I once remarked on "Cottard's Delusion" (a belief that one is actually dead despite all evidence to the contrary) and wondered if there was a related delusion that one was invisible because I swear to Bob some days I think I must be. Oh, I see myself in the mirror, and people who know me seem to see me, but....I go to the grocery store and people push past me, or I go out on the road and people pull out when they don't have the right of way just like I wasn't there.

2. It seems to me I've seen an uptick in the kind of "I don't have the right of way but I don't care, all the other drivers need to watch out for me me me" behavior in the last few years and I know I am too good at seeing patterns where they do not actually exist but it does seem to me that the level of self-centered behavior (where the person expects everyone else to watch out for them and yield to them) seems to be increasing.

And as someone who never expects people to watch out for her, it's exhausting and at times terrifying. I've had a few near-misses - often the other driver was texting - and I really hope I never actually get in an accident. I have fast reflexes and am almost paranoiacally careful to pay attention when I drive, but.

* Actually, I think a certain amount of my....malaise...in life of late comes from my expectation that no one will ever watch out for me. So I'm shouldering the load of my own "support" in that way and when someone else expects me to look out for them, or emotionally support them, or cheerlead them, or whatever, and there's no expectation they reciprocate - it just makes me tired and sad.

* I've been having some issues with stiff/sore neck in the morning. It persisted even after working out so I figured it wasn't just a "slept funny" issue. The past couple nights I've been heating up a buckwheat bag and wrapping it around my neck or over my shoulders for maybe 20 minutes to half an hour before bed (while I am reading). The stiff and sore neck is considerably less so I don't know - tense muscles? Stress hanging out there? At least it means the pillow I have is not bad for my neck (which is what I was afraid of - I like it, but I was wondering if maybe it was a little too puffy for how I sleep. I know some "sleep experts" who talk about how you should use a v. flat and almost hard pillow - and some who claim that for some positions, no pillow at all is best, and that just....seems unnecessarily ascetic).

* I guess today is move-in day, or one of the move-in days: as I passed University, I noted all the on-street parking had been coned off by the campus police.

So even though going to wal-mart yesterday was bad and annoying, it would be worse today. And this weekend is the "sales tax holiday" in Texas, so....I don't know. I wonder if it starts Friday. There is really nothing I need that is in the "tax free" category and the stores are even more likely to be full of people. (Then again: the shops in Whitesboro won't, which was my main destination; maybe I just avoid the Target this time)

* I got my August Doki Doki crate. I guess they've discontinued ever having small stuffies in them, which makes me sad. I might run out this year with them and then decide: do I want to re-up for next year, or am I better saving that money and spending it on things I specifically want? And yes, if I choose not to renew, I'll let them know why: that a lot of the stuff in the crate hasn't been that useful to me, the periodic "surprise food" doesn't often get eaten (allergies and tooth issues), and I miss the small toys.

It does make me sad, though. Partly because there aren't stuffies in there but partly because it again tells me: "What you like is not what normal people like, you are weird and therefore you don't fit in and also you are doomed to be dissatisfied"

This month's crate was a Sumikko Gurashi floor mat (the best thing and I might put it next to my bed instead of the old rug I have there), and a set of "Little Twin Stars" "cooking chopsticks" which I am not sure I will ever use, and a bamboo bowl which cannot go in the microwave or the dishwasher* and so is less practical to me (I may use it to hold stuff in my sewing room instead), and a Shiba Inu soy sauce dish (I never have dishes of condiments out....the dish is clever, there's an etched shiba on it that shows up when you put the soy sauce in, but I'll never use it), and a "crazy straw" shaped like the outline of Hello Kitty's head (I never use straws....)

(As I sometimes say: I could probably be talked out of any of this stuff, except for the floor mat, so let me know if you have a burning desire for a reusable crazy straw in a Hello Kitty shape or a tiny shibe dish).

(* I have taken to heating EVERYTHING I eat, even raw fruit**, in the microwave until it steams, because I have developed a fear of food poisoning. It seems like every day you hear about a new thing and I'm all but convinced that (a) rollbacks in some regulations + too few inspections is contributing to this and (b) the six-months-or-so of stomach issues I had back in 2016 may have stemmed from Listeria contracted from frozen "organic" berries - because I had some of the recalled brand, in about the time frame where I got sick. So my eating utensils have to be microwaveable, and I really prefer being able to throw stuff in the dishwasher)

(** and yes, I wash it first too. And I try to buy organic to avoid pesticide residue, but the problem here is that bacteria qualify as "organic." I am also to the point of refusing salads on the rare occasions I eat at a restaurant where salad might be an option.)

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