Early bed, maybe

Well, I am done for the week with meetings where I have to go out and actually discuss things with people and where there might be disagreement.

(Disagreement is the worst. You know how Buddy the Elf said "Smiling is my favorite"? Well, disagreement is my....un-favorite.)

Not many people made it to Elders' meeting. One was out of town for sure, another I guess had had a minor medical procedure, a couple others just weren't there. I made a schedule as best I could (taking into account the needs of the people who WERE there). But I tend to feel like it's unfair to complain at the person scheduling you for scheduling you "badly" if you're not there and don't provide any input (I ask people to e-mail me) about scheduling times.

I confess: I get a little tired of my responsibilities. I don't mind DOING it so much but I do mind that when you're responsible, you are the one people complain to or about when things are suboptimal for them. (I often wind up scheduling myself on holidays, unless someone else offers to take it, on the grounds that it's easier for me just to do it, if I'm in town (so: not Christmas eve) than it is to have someone say "But I wanted to be away that day")

We also had a couple things to decide: raising the price of rentals for non-member weddings (members get the use of the church free but I think the minister and musicians charge, and it's generally good practice to make a donation). We were a good bit cheaper than other local churches, and especially the custodian was quoting too low a price to people, so we raised it to be more in line with what was typical.

And....without going into too much revealing detail, there was another request for regular use of the church we had to turn down. For one reason: it would often be during the week, and a couple of days there's a mother's-day-out program, and we would not know who-all was coming through the church, and making sure the children are safe is a first priority. (This was an issue raised by the local DA, who is a member of our church)  And also, the added wear and tear on the church - oh, the facility would pay us, but we'd need someone to run the sound system and lock up after. We don't have a full-time sexton: we are small, we don't have any retired men sufficiently able-bodied for it, so one of the younger men fits it in around his job. And there's the effort it would place on our custodian; she'd have to vacuum and do other clean-up several times a week instead of just before church.....it's not nice to have to say no, but we had to say no. (I'm glad that the person who is going to deliver the bad news is not me. And it's someone who will do a good job of being diplomatic about it)

(And no, it's not something like AA. It's a business. So they'd be making money)

***

So yeah. I'm glad to be done.

I came home and did the weekly phone call to my parents, and then was like "Okay, I'm going to stare at some TV to relax" but there was nothing on I wanted to watch (no cartoons I like, no food programs I liked, no vet shows, and I find I can no longer watch some of the medical shows after my dad being in the hospital a couple times....it brings up too many bad memories or worries).

So right now I have a re-run of the Channel 9 6 pm news. We get channel 9(Oklahoma City) but our version of it is just their local news on endless repeat until the next installment of it.

I think local people would revolt if it were taken away. We do have local CBS and NBC and ABC affiliates, but their local newspeople are generally regarded as not-very-good. (I don't know. I can do without Sassy Mama and "Tabloid Truth or Trash" or whatever News 9 calls it - all the filler stuff that some news channels do). I mostly just watch for the weather, and for the occasional "is it safe to leave my house" concerns when I hear of some kind of jailbreak/armed-and-dangerous-person-at-large situation locally.

(And I've faffed long enough that it's almost time for Bob's Burgers re-run if I want to watch that... I really find something oddly endearing about the show. Sometimes it's a little crude - but sometimes it's hysterically funny crudeness - but fundamentally:

- the family members pretty much love each other
- It's a cartoon family where the dad is actually the voice of sanity, as much as there is one
- Bob doesn't put Linda down, nor does she put him down (other than slightly teasingly). It seems like fundamentally a happy marriage, as much as anyone can be happy in this world when they have to work really hard and are on the verge of being evicted
- Louise, despite her supposed hardness and coldness, is fundamentally really just a little kid, and she probably does have a decent core
- There's no one of the kids who's presented as some kind of mini-genius or holier-than-thou (like Lisa Simpson sometimes is written in more recent episodes). They're all kinda dumb kids, but not "too dumb to live" dumb. And maybe they have some kind of undiscovered talent other than in school
- The storylines are frequently JUST absurd enough to walk the line between "Yeah, I could see a real family going through this" and "Ha ha, this is a funny cartoon"
- I like the burger of the day ideas, usually they make me at least chuckle
- The supporting characters are weird and wonderful. Teddy, who is kind of a sad-sack type who is sort of dependent on the Belchers for his social life; Marshmallow, the 6' tall transgender prostitute whom Bob always greets with a very matter-of-fact, "Hey, Marshmallow" no matter what weird situation is happening; the Brothers Fishoeder, who are one part cartoonish supervillain and one part spoiled rich kid and one part that really, really weird guy you don't want to sit next to on the train)

***

Ugh. I'm trying to reduce (and also cut back on carbohydrates) this summer because

a. I have bloodwork and a checkup coming up
b. I'm less active - I'm not on my feet all day teaching, even if I do keep up with exercise, and it's too hot right now to exercise
c. I just....I need to drop a little weight, I think, as my body (probably) creeps through menopause

The problem is, it seems like every week I decide "that's it, I'm giving up added sugars in food" is a week when, later on, I got "I picked the wrong week to give up added sugars." I wasn't hungry at dinner time so my dinner was a couple servings of vegetables (red cabbage, sweet potatoes, a few french fries - the frozen kind from Kroger are pretty good but recently I found the Ore-Ida waffle fries are even better)

And now I'm hungry again. But I don't have anything particularly easy that appeals to me. I kind of wanted ice cream, but I also know that all the places here that sell it have posted the calorie data (as required by law for chains with at least n outlets, where I forget what n is) and I know I'd go there and look at it and feel upset because "If you have to ask, you can't afford it" and I'd either wind up getting some thing I didn't REALLY want (like, an unsweet tea) instead, or I'd get the ice cream and not enjoy it....and I guess that's the "nudge economy" working like it's supposed to, but I still kind of resent it, that what might have been an occasional treat for me has become an almost-never treat because being reminded "hey that small soft-serve cone is 350 calories!" makes me go, "It's not that good, and think of all the cheese I could eat instead" except I don't really want cheese.

(And the sort of infuriating thing is: people like me who are fundamentally pretty abstemious in our habits and who tend to be a little compulsive, it makes us avoid the little treats even more, but a lot of people will still just ignore it....and so again the rule-followers, I guess, or something, get hurt)

I also hate how our culture messes up women who are a little fattish, like me - and that I'm even agonizing over this.

***

I'm also reading "I Contain Multitudes" by Ed Yong. One complaint: as is typical of these "layperson" books, it tends to be all over the place and throw a lot of stuff at the wall (figuratively) to see what grabs people's attention (or to show how much he knows, I don't know). But it's also interesting. It's largely about the gut biome, and one thing that's suggested is that thin and fat people may differ in their gut biomes....and that TOTALLY makes me wonder, as a fattish woman who exercises and tries to eat healthfully, but who loses weight slowly at best....maybe I just have a punk gut biome? (How long before we see probiotics aimed at weight loss? I mean, I know they do.....fecal transplants (sorry) for people whose gut biome has been destroyed by a medical problem, couldn't they also do something similar for someone who wants to lose weight (and who has committed to a healthy diet and all that; I don't mean "I want to drink 15 Cokes a day and eat nothing but Chicken McNuggets and still be slim") by taking a probiotic capsule?

I will say the one time I did lose a bunch of weight was in 2016 when I had that stomach thing (I am now wondering if maybe I DID have an infection of H. pylori and a small ulcer that ultimately healed on its own, and the regular probiotic I now take repopulated my gut with different bacteria....). I don't recommend that as a way to lose weight, though; it was pretty miserable and I was also really worried something was SERIOUSLY wrong.

***

But yeah. Now it's not early for going to bed (not for me) and I'm still....well, I'm either low-level hungry, or I have a lot of feelings that I keep wanting to eat. (That's one of my big problems; when I'm sad or stressed I want to eat). But I'm not sure my veggie dinner will carry me over until morning....