And I'm tired

Pretty much ALL I did yesterday was grade. This week is the research presentations in one class, so I observed the first four (one person was sick; they will go Wednesday afternoon even if that makes that afternoon worse, and I had no go-getters this year wanting to speak early). I also collected the papers in that class and the lab books in another class.

I did the lab books first. I confess, it's because they are easier (more objective and less reading) and sometimes it is necessary to feel like you've gotten something done before doing a really big task.

With the help of the Pomodoro method, I got the first-pass reading done on all the papers. (Well, FSVO "all" - there were four that were not turned in*)

(*I am half expecting to hear some kind of a justification as to why I should accept them late. Late work just makes me so tired. I want to be done, I want to "put a pin in that" and be able to move on to the next task, but the problem with people who either come from a world of flexible deadlines - some high schools do that now, no deadline for work other than the day before grades are due - or people who have some big problem - is that I can't mark that as done and close the book on it. I don't like accepting late work and I generally refuse but often there's that person with some problem or, like happened once before, they get an administrator on their side and I HAVE to do it.

And here's the problem with late work: I budget grading time when the work comes in. The next day, I will probably have something ELSE I need to be doing. Having a few later things coming in means not only do I have to "find" anywhere from 15 minutes to a couple hours of time to catch those things up - usually time I take away from things like cooking healthful food or cleaning up my house - but also it diverts my attention from the next task at hand. Which now is writing final exams.)

I started putting comments on the papers but then it was time for the Faculty Senate budget discussion, and one thing I've learned since 2016 is that going to these meetings is a good idea - even though I am not part of the Senate (they meet normally when I am in lab, and I have never wanted to run anyway, having a low tolerance for the sort of back-and-forth you can get if you wind up with two people who are convinced that the other is totally wrong). Because I don't like being blindsided by stuff, and I tend to be a pessimist, and I figure if there's any blindsiding coming, I will hear it first in that meeting.

(I did sit in the back and continue to add comments to papers. One of the blessings of a good memory for what you've read is that I could make a mental note about "hey, you need to suggest this alternate explanation" or "this person consistently spelled 'reservoir' incorrectly" and it's easy to put the comments on)

In general, the news was positive. I am *still* leery about our having signed on with an outside firm to run our online component - yes, apparently they do recruiting but they have a very rigid "template" for how things must be taught, and they keep half of what they bring in, though TPTB seem to think that's what's going to keep us afloat, so, *shrug.* As long as I'm not forced to teach all my stuff online, okay. (If it came to that: if we tried to become the not-for-profit version of University of Phoenix, I'd have to find other employment; the thought of sitting in an office all day and not ever being able to go into the classroom and have that spontaneous sort of interaction, never being able to actually teach a for-real lab, would be too much. I *might* consent to teach *something* online if they pushed really really hard (I think Policy and Law would be the easiest of my courses to convert to online if I had to) but I'd rather not)

There was also a lot of "the new normal" thrown around - apparently the annual "years of experience" raise we used to get is deader than Generalissimo Franco, and while the president said they're going to try for some kind of COLA arrangement in the future....well, I'm not optimistic. One other faculty member did bring up that we kind of *need* some kind of adjustment, because inflation, and "I don't want to buy a fancy new car; I want to be able to afford to fix my 10-year-old car" and that's very true - I find I have to budget more tightly now than I formerly did. (Largely because of no summer income, but I am NOT going to gamble on doing full-professor work for adjunct pay again)

There was some mention of a "1.5% stipend" though I've not seen anything official yet. By "stipend" they mean a one-time addition to a paycheck. I am also unsure how they get the 1.5% - at first I was hearing it as "1.5% of what your monthly pay would be" and I was like "$75? They're acting like me getting $75 is a great thing?" (And that's based on GROSS pay, not net. On net pay it would be closer to $50). But maybe they meant on our base annual pay? Which would be a lot nicer and would actually allow me to maybe DO something with it - like put it toward finally having my garage resided, or pay for part of having a new outlet pulled next to the new hot water heater.

But I'm waiting to see the e-mail. I trust our university president and he can be pretty blunt about stuff, but.....promises have a way of petering out as they course through the full administration.

(We were also told, and I think it's unhelpful to us: "Well, you should be glad we didn't gut your health insurance and then give you a small stipend to buy on the exchanges, like some businesses did." I don't know but that feels a lot like the "You are not allowed to feel bad you've not had a raise in 10 years; some of our students are struggling financially" thing we were told a couple years ago. I mean, yes: there are always people doing worse than you are but when you're trying to figure out how to pay for braces for your kid or get your spouse's car fixed, it's not helpful to hear, "Yeah, you could be scrabbling around on the ACA exchange right now")

But anyway. They actually (mirabile dictu) held the meeting to ONE hour, so I got home at a decent time. Did the daily Duolingo, did some piano practice. Graded more. Washed my hair, ate dinner, graded more. At about 8:30 I finally got all the comments written out and I was like "Should I fill out the grade sheets now or wait until tomorrow?" But then again: today I take up papers in YET ANOTHER class and while they'll be a faster grade (and are worth fewer points total), still, it's more grading. So I wrote up the grade sheets (helped, for part of the time, by the re-runs of "Bob's Burgers" that Adult Swim runs - the only program they feature that I want to watch). It was a little bit before 10 when I finally finished, which is late for me to go to bed these days, but I'm glad I did it.

Remarkably - though maybe this is because I'm on that beta blocker now - I had no trouble falling asleep. (In the past, I didn't DARE work for an hour and a half or so before going to bed because then I wouldn't sleep, I'd think about the work instead. Maybe the beta blocker really DOES have some mild anti-anxiety effect)

But anyway. A long day of grading and I admit these are the times when I get really really irritated over the "oh, you lazy professors" meme - I probably put in close to a 14 hour day yesterday. And I also get annoyed at the "what you are doing is useless and you wouldn't exist if the State didn't prop you up" meme and yes, I suppose one could argue that one was true, but...until such time as we decide we're not going to educate people any more (or only have education for the most wealthy and well-connected), I think there IS a function for people like me. (Though I do worry. I wonder about it and I wonder if we have another big "crash" if I'll be on the bread lines and while I'm not afraid of hard work....I don't know. I don't know that I could survive taking in people's laundry, for example.)

But yeah. I have half decided to take this afternoon off as "comp time" for the long day yesterday though I also suspect I'll wind up grading the papers that come in today  (though I could probably do them tomorrow in between the sessions of students presenting their research. I don't know)

I don't know. People tell me I'm too diligent for my own good (Jona commented, when I mentioned I was no longer teaching summers, that that was "good") and I know one of my colleagues has talked about "working smarter, not harder" which actually, in their version, looks to me a bit like sloughing off their grading duties and doing the bare minimum, but, yeah....I'm tired.