Why I do

I was thinking, during the lead-up to the service, about the reasons why I go to church, and the reason why I still belong.

The biggest, of course, and most important ones, have to deal with faith: I need the regular reminder, bolstering, and filling-up. I need a weekly reminder that the crassness, rudeness, selfishness, and general lack-of-concern-for-others I so often see out in the world is not the only way, and that there is another way, that is better.

And yeah, there are things I can contribute - even small things (like being observant: I sat down about five minutes before the service and realized that the person who was bringing the trays of Communion juice* up hadn't done it, so I scurried to the kitchen and got them. It wouldn't have been a HORRIBLE thing if it hadn't been up there, but it would have been awkward and it made it go more smoothly that I got it)

(*Yeah, we use juice, not wine. I suspect it has its origins in Prohibition but has been kept on out of a large measure of caution of "What if someone is a recovering alcoholic?")

But there are other, more foolish-human type reasons. A lot of them have to do with the people and how some of them treat me.

I was bemoaning on Twitter about how I heard on the news several individuals (one was a sheriff somewhere) were publicly stating that they would no longer hug ANYONE who was not a family member, out of fear that it might be misinterpreted or come back to bite him.

I will observe: there's a difference between a friendly-and-chaste hug and a creepy hug. And also, if someone pulls away when you go to hug them, DON'T HUG THEM. They have reasons - some people with various forms of arthritis can't deal with that kind of contact, some people are just shy, some people have sensory issues....but if the person welcomes the hug, it makes me sad to think that someone might cut that off because of fear. (And I admit I do wonder if there's a bit of....not exactly sour grapes there, but I don't know the right word: "You females is gonna blame men for harassing you? Okay, I ain't huggin' anyone any more" And as I said, there's a GIANT WORLD of difference between a friendly hug and being groped. I've experienced both in my life and the difference is incredibly clear with a bright line between them)

Anyway: one of the few places I ever get hugged is at church. A couple of the older women who seem to see me as either an additional daughter or additional grand-daughter (depending on our age difference) will hug me. And there's one guy who hugs - oh, there's nothing weird about it, he hugs EVERYONE, the hugs never seem at all creepy (and I also suspect, though don't know 100% for sure, that he, as we used to say, "Bats for the other team," so there wouldn't be anything beyond friendship in him hugging me). And I like it when he hugs me. He's a good hugger and he's taller than I am by about a head, so it's a pleasant thing.

I also get complimented - even simple things I've done forever, like public speaking, people say I do well. And it's nice to get complimented.

And some of the women commented today on how I was dressed - I guess the dress was a good color on me. But one remarked, "You always pick clothes that look so good on you" and to a fat girl, that's a huge thing, because we're so used to being shamed for how we look (and sometimes finding clothes is, to say the least, fraught). And another person said "And you have such beautiful hair" and you know, I am a little proud of my hair and I do try to take care of it.

And yeah, I know I shouldn't seek that kind of stuff out, I should be above it - but I'm human too, and it feels good to be told I'm pretty and have people notice me.

But yeah, it's something I need. I especially think people like me - singles who live alone - need some kind of place where they can go and not only feel accepted, but feel like they're a part of the group. And maybe even get hugged once in a while, and have someone say something nice about their clothes....