Tired of people

Well, the rewrite is done (for now) but I don't even feel v. happy about it:

1. Re-reading the reviewers' comments was painful. A colleague of mine commented the other day that it seemed to him that reviewers are getting more vindictive and nasty, and he may well be right. It's been a long time since I reviewed a paper (haven't been asked - most of what I've done lately has been editing "historical" papers to meet modern standards, which is different) but I was taught to be positive, to offer stuff as constructive criticism, and not to unleash whatever inner demons you have on the writer who, like you, is really just another poor slob trying to get through life with a minimum of pain.

but it does seem the world is stacked against the poor slobs who want to get through life with a minimum pain (causing OR experiencing) these days.

2. Lots of unpleasantness on what used to be a friendly online community. It's like everyone suddenly seems to have adopted the motto from that bad old "Real World" series: "when people stop getting polite and start getting 'real'," which assumes that "polite" and "real" are opposites, and that "real" (in the sense of "let it all hang out, and if I hurt someone's feelings, they shouldn't have got their feelings in the way of my id") is preferable to politeness.

And you know? forget that. I want to be polite. I was raised to be polite and God help me, I cannot do otherwise.

I did have one minor responsibility in the group which I just quietly resigned after someone - in the interest, more or less, of being their Real Self, said something that hurt me. My MO in these instances - as a former bullied child - is not to try to stand up for myself (that only attracts more negative attention and maybe attracts other bullies) but to wander away.

so yeah, that's one comfort gone.

It really does feel like people have gotten a good 50% meaner in the past year. I don't know if it's frustration with the way things are, or if that the way things have changed empowers people to let their inner....nastiness (I was going to say "snake," but that's an insult to snakes) out. Either way, it's a bad turn of events..

And I'm STILL shaken by the idea that we're turning the church into a virtual fortress every Sunday morning. (I'm glad we never got around to putting up barbed wire on the top of the fencing around the playground area - the issue arose because a couple teens/preteens in the neighborhood were climbing the fence at night and breaking stuff, and there was also concern that if they were injured, we would be liable, even though we had NO TRESPASSING signs posted....barbed wire was suggested as a solution but a lot of us thought it was 'bad optics' even if apparently a lot of OTHER urban churches have it. (We are in as close to the "city center" as my city has). The family of troublesome kids has moved away.....And yes, we did try approaching them and asking them not to, and we did try asking the local police to speak with them....nothing worked).

I dunno. I recognize that I'm worn out (tried to do far, far, far too much these past few weeks) and I might be lowgrade sick (or, as I suspect, suffering PMS which - stupid body - can we please stop with this? I'm nearly 50, I have no male prospects on the horizon, and even if I did, I DON'T WANT BABIES. So can we be done? Okay?)

Ugh. I am thinking it would be a primo idea to go home and just go to bed VERY early tonight. (And anyway: it gets dark early enough now). I feel chilled and achy and unhappy and I know I'm operating on too-little sleep....

AND I just realized I have to do the monthly grade-reports before Monday. Argh. It never stops.