Feeling sad now

Ronnie (the man from my church I referred to) died this morning. He had been sick enough to be in hospital for 2 weeks, and had moved to hospice care like yesterday. (I guess he had been unwell for a while, long enough for the cancer to grow and spread).

I feel sad and kind of shocked. He was only about 10 years older than I was. He was involved with the youth program when I was - he was friends with my co-leader and her whole family. He was unmarried, so in a way he and I had one thing in common - no spouse, no kids. He played Santa a few years at the church Christmas party.

His laugh. that's the biggest thing I'm thinking of now - that I won't get to hear his laugh or his slightly-sarcastic humor again. And that's mainly what is making me sad.

I hope he didn't suffer, though I'm guessing he did, a lot, in silence, given how widespread the cancer was.

No plans for a memorial service or funeral as yet but I'm sure they will be coming, and if I can at all manage it I will go, and if they do a family lunch and I can at all do it, I will serve or at least cook something. I tend to feel that those lunches are like the "last kind thing" you can do for the person - feeding their family at a time when they are distressed. (And I remember how much easier the lunch after my grandma's funeral made things - no having to find a restaurant, no having to decide what to eat, no sitting there in a sad little knot surrounded by people who were happier....)

But yeah. Cancer can have many bad things happen to it; it has had bad effects on the lives of far too many people I know, and has taken the lives of far too many.