a life thought

In my chain of clicks-and-quick-reads I ran across someone asserting* that there are kids whose parents say to them "You don't need to thank them; it's their job."

(*And yes, it's from Tumblr. But I don't totally discount it, because I've seen similar behavior in public: parents whose kids mess something up and the parent doesn't make the kid pick it up because "there are people whose job it is to do that" or when a kid spills something, no one tells anybody, because "it's someone's job to check on that and clean it")

And you know, that thought makes me sad. And it makes me angry. And it makes me wonder if that's not one of the littler roots of the sickness I see in our society right now.

Okay, granted: I was raised to ALWAYS say "thank you." When I was very young I was told to do it either because it was one of the "magic words" (like "please" and "excuse me") or that it was Just Good Manners. Later, I was taught that "this is one way you show the other person you recognize they are a person"

But as an adult, I realize something else: when you say "thank you" to a cashier or a stock person or the guy in the big train station who points to where you need to go, it's not just for THEM.

It's also for you. It's a reminder to YOU. It's a reminder that you are not the God-Emperor (or Goddess-Empress, I suppose) of the Entire World, and that person does not exist SOLELY to serve you - it's sort of an extension of the "this is how you show the other person you recognize them as a person" I learned as a tween, but actually more of a "this is how you remind yourself that that other person there is a PERSON and not an automaton or there solely to serve you: they are a human being with people who love them and things they fear and hopes and dreams and thoughts just like you have."

And the thing is? It makes a person's day a little nicer to hear thanks. Most jobs have sufficient "miserable" parts to them that hearing thanks some times makes it better. I know it does for me.

I also wonder if the attitude of "you don't need to thank them; it's part of their job" has permeated our society a bit and if this explains why I get some students who request "extra consideration" (e.g., make up exams at inconvenient times for me) and the like, and when I comply, they just act as if it were their due and don't say "thank you."

And I get, everything is complicated, some people are maybe shy or scared or whatever to say it: but I will say I've also found the people who make the biggest demands on me are often the ones least likely to say thank you (and also the ones most likely to be rude to their labmates or expect extra from them, or similar)

But I do think it's important that we all remember that little humility - I know I've referenced the book "Say Please, Say Thank You" several times on here, but I do think it's a solid book about manners but also can teach us a bit about our psychology or even our souls - is important. It does remind us that we are not petty tyrants able to bend the world (and others) to our will. Saying "thank you" acknowledges that things COULD be different, that the person could have chosen NOT to help you - there is no one in our culture right now who is truly a slave in the sense that they will be beaten or starved if they do not help a customer. Granted, most customer service employees have a self-interest in not irritating the customers: if enough complain about someone, they could lose their job.

(And now I wonder also: could this be the root of why customer service is getting worse: "People are rude to me so I'm going to do the absolute bare minimum" and it becomes a vicious cycle?)

But yeah. I think being polite is good for a person in general (especially: being polite to those whom you may never see again, and who aren't in a position, really, to "pay you back" for your politeness*)
It reminds you, like I said, that you're not the one in charge, that other people don't exist solely to serve you, and maybe, also, that there are others in the world. And yeah, though I may gripe about the people ahead of me in line, if they seem to be taking more time or demanding more from the person helping them than I think I should, the truth is, I don't know for sure what all is going on, and it might almost be a "this is water" moment - perhaps the woman wanting help to tape up boxes at the post office has MS or some other disability where doing it herself is hard and taxing and it won't be done as well. Or perhaps the guy talking with the other attendant is lonely because he just recently lost his wife, and this is the only friendly contact he's had in days. And anyway, I'm on my way home for the day, so waiting an extra five minutes won't kill me, and when I get up there and want them to retrieve my held mail, they will take the time it takes to do that, and it will take time where the other people behind me might be impatient ("Why, that attendant just WALKED OFF. What is going on? Why won't that person step aside and let me get helped?")

(*And now I am thinking about the bit from Luke 14 about inviting those who cannot pay you back to a banquet. And yes, I am quite sure what my parents taught me growing up was informed by their own faith...)

But yeah. I think especially this season we would do well to remember to be polite to people, especially people serving us. Especially people in probably-low-paid jobs. Saying "please" or "thank you" or responding 'You too' to the (probably mandated) "have a nice day" they say doesn't cost anything, and it might make someone else's day a little less miserable. Perhaps, even, we might be that person whose day is made less miserable...