adulting and not

* I got all the exams I collected (a take-home) graded this afternoon. I griped because some people used the natural-log on one question even though I asked them to use base-10. Natural log is technically not wrong, but I did ask.

But I sighed, and decided that mercy was the better part of something (if discretion is the better part of valor, what is mercy the better part of?) and went ahead and recalculated for those people so I could check their answers.

this kind of thing makes me tired. I wish sometimes I could be the imperious Professor Kingsfield type but I also understand that are students are not Harvard Law in the 1970s, so I don't. I suppose it's also not part of my personality make up.

* My Wednesday morning (no classes) is eaten up by someone wanting me to do something. Granted, it MIGHT benefit me in the long run. I did, however, tell this person: "I've been having trouble sleeping and was looking forward to not setting an alarm, would it be possible NOT to meet early-early?"

* Tomorrow is my insurance re-enrollment. Up to this point I have been very fortunate (in part by accepting a higher deductible) not to have to pay in for my health insurance, but I expect that may change. (I have to pay for dental, but that's a fairly good deal, and with my fragile teeth, I think I need it).

I am, however, going to take on another expense this year: I am enrolling in the long-term care insurance. I always resisted in the past on the grounds that if I became so disabled I could not work or care for myself, my parents could help me - but I realized that (a) they won't always be around and (b) my mom, anyway, has her hands full helping my dad - his bad knees limit his mobility and he doesn't drive any more (bad peripheral vision in his left eye, so changing lanes is no longer safe).

I hate the thought of kind of being thrown on my own resources if something bad happened, but on some level it's my fault for not being more social and not finding a life partner. (And even then: husbands can die, or leave you, or become disabled themselves).

* I go and get new tires on my car tomorrow. It needs them. I went with the more-expensive option because they were better tires and had a better warranty. (Michelin). I have to remember to transfer money into my checking account from my savings to cover these. (This is why you have a savings account, if you can at all manage it. This is why I deny myself fancy shoes or electronic gadgets or fancy vacations.....so I can buy car tires without going into debt.)

* I mostly got over my hurt feelings of the other day. I did a lot of nearly-writing-stuff and then deleting it. And I did a lot of that today on the grounds of "lashing out when you are hurt makes nothing better" but I admit there were times I really WANTED to lash out.

****

That said, I think I'm done adulting for today. I have leftover cabbage pancake so dinner will be simple. I am going to wash my hair and put on pajamas and hope I can find some soothing tv (I wish there were a channel that showed nothing by "Murder, She Wrote" reruns over and over and over again) or failing that, put on Pandora and just listen to music for a while.

I also bought myself a couple of non-adult things recently - on Saturday, at the Mart of Wal, they were closing out their Wonder Woman Barbie-line dolls (I don't know if WW wasn't popular here or what). I bought the one in the flowing blue dress with the "hidden sword and sheath" (The "hidden sheath" is a loop of ribbon that will hold the sword down the back of the dress - not very practical and would be a dangerous way to carry a real sword).

I admit I like the doll because she is more muscle-y than the standard Barbie, and so looks a bit more like me (Well, I am still a good bit fatter, but her arms are closer to mine than typical Barbie arms). And I like the idea of a woman looking really good in a long columnar dress - and then having a sword. I like the idea of being able to be ladylike but also tough. (I can be ladylike, not so good at toughness).

(Ironically, the "shoes" under the dress are essentially a modified sort of greaves - tall, metallic-colored boot-like things. I suppose it's in keeping with the character, have not seen the movie). She is also properly articulated (well, no wrist joints, but still) which I prefer.

I also had ordered (before seeing that doll, which was only $8 anyway) a Gabby Douglas Barbie. Again, because articulated dolls are cool, and she is just a cute doll who looks reasonably much like the gymnast she is styled after. I also ordered a couple of the fashion packs (one has not come yet) because I liked the idea of changing her clothes - the one that came has a little faux-leopard jacket and a t-shirt that says Rawr on it and I imagine both of those things are things a teen girl would like (Well, I don't know what Gabby Douglas is really like, but the teen girls I have known would have liked them)

But yeah. Even before hearing about all the bad news of today I spent last night curled up in bed hugging the relatively-new stuffed Clawhauser because I was just sad. And that was before I heard about the latest violent atrocity. (also, Tom Petty has allegedly died. I say "allegedly" because the reports are not clear. I am not really a rock/pop fan, but I liked a lot of his stuff and he seemed like a good songwriter).

I dunno. I probably need to draw into my shell for a while, like a snail or a turtle. I am kind of tapped out and tired and I feel like nothing I can do makes much of a difference, so maybe it's time to work on making myself happy instead of trying to fix the broken world.

ETA: Ah, the simple regressive pleasure of dressing a doll. Here is Gabby in what I think of as her "mallrat" outfit, even though malls are now dead and today's teens probably don't go to them:

 (Well, actually, I guess Gabby Douglas is 21 now, but I still think of her as a teenager. And anyway, she's super young compared to me.)

I probably would have been more willing to play with Barbies or similar as a kid if they had proper articulation - this doll has "double articulated" elbows and knees so they move a lot more naturally, and her waist twists, and her wrists and ankles move - she can wear both flat and high-heeled shoes which is a real innovation for a fashion-type doll.

I'm glad I bought this :)

Now maybe I look up on Ravelry to see if there are any cute knitted or crocheted clothes...