Just a heads-up. I know I post something most every day, but tomorrow will be an exception.
I will be gone for 12, perhaps 12+ hours. At meetings. Meetings I did not choose to go to but was chosen for. (Some are born to meetings, some achieve meetings, some have meetings thrust upon them). They look like a deadly combination of things that people will get on their hobby horse about and things that could have easily been worked out over e-mail.
Also, in other news, my department decided to have its ONE potluck of the semester tomorrow. Thanks SO much, guys! I'll be thinking of you stuffing your face while I listen to someone drone on about how classes need to be made more eeeeeeeequivalent across campuses.
And my office once again got written up by Safety. Apparently because (a) I had stuff stored on the top of bookcases, and it could, like, fall down, and, like, hit a student and (b) the chair I am supposed to have "available" at all times to a student had a couple books sitting on it. There are other poorly defined issues but I feel judged and singled out and like I fail as an adult because I can't keep my office clean enough. (The truth is, I really can't be arsed to keep it THAT clean. I don't have an hour a week to shuffle papers)
But anyway. It makes me HURT. I know I shouldn't take it personally but I do, and of course on top of worrying about my friend, and it being crazy-humid here (so I hurt physically too)....it's just too much. I cried in front of a colleague this morning because I had just had it. I was rage-cleaning (going through my office and just throwing stuff away, telling myself, "If you need this in the future, TOO BAD. It's gone now")
The office is better and the two defined issues have been rectified, but it frustrates me that I get harassed but when we keep calling about rainwater leaking into the building (and even leaking in through a FLUORESCENT LIGHT FIXTURE), that doesn't seem to be a priority. Once again the person who is trying her damnedest gets slapped.
I'm feeling very put upon and very sorry for myself right now. I know that's not a good way to feel but I have HAD IT.
I may have to cancel my planned trip to the ONLY fiber festival I will ever get to (BPAFF - it's in Denison) if I can't get the office whipped into shape after class this afternoon.
I'm just feeling very sad and worn and underappreciated right now. I feel like no one ever sees the 85 balls I am managing to successfully juggle, all they can do is snark about how I happened to drop one.
I'm looking at my old reprints (from articles I wrote) and thinking I should just trash them all, no one will ever ask me for one now (with online journal access). But it kind of hurts to think of throwing them away because they represent past successes in my life, and it's been a while since I had an article published.
I just don't know. I'd like to go home and just go to bed, that's how bad I feel, but I can't. I have to teach lab and then I have to finish cleaning this blasted office.
3 comments:
Lady, don't cancel your fiber fest trip! Bureaucrats will be bureaucrats but seriously: you've fixed the two defined problems and it's not convenient this week for you to clean your office STAT. what are they going to do--fire you? For continuing to meet your other commitments and getting to your office at some point this week?
Truly, I feel your pain--we recently got a nastygram from our rental agency about keeping too many bikes in the carport and giving us a week to rectify the situation. I called them, explained our travel schedule and work schedules, and firmly informed them that we would deal with our unsightly vehicles by the end of the following month. And we did. And they were cool with it.
Sometimes you've got to speak your truth. Again, what could they really do? They are being unreasonable. You are a tenured full professor. Go to your fiber fest.
Surely you know the rule: if everything's going ok, nobody ever says thank you or good job. Screw up once, in even a minor way, and you don't hear the end of it!
I hope the meetings go as well as they possibly can.
Go to the fiber festival. Like Katie said, you've fixed the specifics, and they can just deal with having to wait a little. Nothing is going to explode because of it. Besides, you're running on empty and need a break and a change of scenery.
One of my professors in college gave us autographed copies of his reprints when we ended up reading one of his articles in class. It made me feel so special; I think I still have it somewhere, lo these many years later.
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