With Apologies To...

Something like this has been rattling around in my head a few days. I had to get it out.

It doesn't scan perfectly with the original, but I did my best (at least I got the rhyme scheme, more or less):

Consommé (with apologies to D. Parker)

Sugars cause diabetes;

Fat causes liver-sick

Gluten’s in wheaties,

And rice has arsenic;

Salmonella in salad

Amines in meat

Every food’s horrid;

You might as well eat.

(I was originally going to end it with "you might as well starve" but that would not have fit the rhyme - and it would have been less in the spirit of the original. And I tried to work something about salt in there - that being the original reason for my frustration, thinking of the list of foods I wanted to eat that particular day, and the foods I COULD eat, and finding very little Venn-diagram overlap in them, but it just didn't work out that way)