Bouncing back and forth

I guess this is what I have to expect at least for a while.

This weekend was okay, until the greeblies got me Sunday night and I wound up lying in bed worrying about the immediate future.

Monday was not good - most of the day I dragged, little energy, less motivation.

I slept pretty well last night - I finally dug out a "sleep mask" and will use that. I have a white-noise generator, a clock radio, and now an air purifier I run in my bedroom at night and they all have those blue-light displays. I can cover the top of the white noise generator but still my room is still too bright. (And why, why, do manufacturers use blue light? There's fairly copious evidence (that's not the best source but one of the easiest) that blue light disrupts sleep and it may even disrupt certain hormones. And I don't need my hormones screwed up any more than they already are!)

And I feel better today. Did the full hour's workout but find I cannot move as fast as I once did.

I also feel more hopeful. One thing I've done the last couple days is experimentally monitor the grams of carbohydrates I eat (just, you know, in case...) and it turns out, at least the way I'm eating right now, it's 35 per meal or fewer. I really don't know what's recommended for diabetics (it sticks in my mind that my sister in law was told to keep it to 65 grams a day with gestational diabetes, but that may have been a special case), but maybe I can do it without giving up EVERYTHING. And a lot of the stuff I regularly eat a is pretty low in carbohydrates. (I don't eat a lot of bread, I have a bowl of cereal in the morning and maybe some crackers at lunch but most of my other food is "protein food" or fruits and vegetables. And yeah, I know fruits have sugar but I think you can discount that more readily than you can sugar in soda). And maybe I would be suggested to eat more, seeing as I exercise, and therefore need more fuel in a day. I don't know. "Normal" people are recommended to eat 45% to 65% of calories from carbohydrates, which would be a whopping 225 carbohydrate grams (assuming 4 cal/gram, and assuming the lowest percentage allowed) on a 2000 calorie a day diet. (Which I think, with regular strenuous exercise, I could be allowed). 35% would be 175, or if my diet went down to 1500 calories, about 130 grams.

Math, you always make me feel better!

So I'm probably already restricting way too much and can relax a little bit. (And yeah, I know fiber counts in there somehow. My dad claims he can subtract grams of fiber from grams of carbohydrates....)

But of course, that's not even an entirely likely outcome. It's just, something I've worried about for a while (family history) and of course avoided getting checked out because I could merrily avoid most doctors until now. And even when I was eating more or less ad libitum, I probably wasn't overdoing it on carbohydrates ANYWAY, if 225 is allowable for a "normal" person who does regular exercise.

It's just, as a bigger woman in a society where size and food are huge issues: I tend to overestimate, probably, the bad effects those couple of Coffee Nips I wind up eating some Saturday evening because I'm really craving them have.

Also: I tried making hot chocolate using a couple of squares of unsweetened (no sugars) baking chocolate and stevia. It tasted pretty good at first but as it cooled the chocolate kind of coagulated into blobs so next time I will try cocoa powder instead. Because cocoa is supposed to contain stuff that relaxes blood vessels and things.